Worshipping Warrior

Pursuing The Uncreated in 2012

2012-01-01T18:59:00.012-06:00

Last night as I saw 2011 draw to a close, I listed to the Lord, my desires for myself and my loved ones in 2012.

To begin with- More of Jesus and less of me

To be more in the Word and for the Word to be more in me

To trust more

To love more

To have wisdom and revelation

To see more healing and to have more freedom

To walk more in the fear of the Lord
To have less fear of man

To carry more of the presence of the Lord wherever I go

To recognize and invest in God-ordained relationships and for them to be defined by God

To truly pursue and to diligently seek God

To be less distracted and more focused

To have more discipline

More fruitfulness

More faithfulness

More selflessness

To end with- Again...More of Jesus and less of me. Everything in my list is summed up in that one desire. And what more could we ask for?

As we seek first His Kingdom, all these things will be added… Everything we need is found, when we get our eyes off the thing that we need and instead we seek… Him. He is more than enough. Everything we need, we will find when finding Him. Whatever you are facing, you will find the answer in more of Jesus. And the more we know of Him, the more we want Him. We could spend eternity exploring the many facets and glories of Jesus and never fully exhaust them. He is infinitely beautiful.

I recently found this that I had written a few years ago and thought it worthy of a repost.

As I've been reading Tozer, I have had this thought mulling about in my head today- the self-existence of God. Have you ever thought of that? Children do, when they ask, “where does God come from?” Whoa! It really staggers me to the core and twists my brain into knots when I think of this. It’s an uncomfortable thought.

Like eternity.

This concept used to scare me as a child. With our human existence dictated by time, by beginnings and ends; the thought of no end, of eternity, was (and still can be) overwhelming and unsettling. No time; no beginning, and no end. Unfathomable!

Yet we are created in His image. In HIS image- the Uncreated, Eternal One. No other creature has this distinction. What an honor. Definitely we are the created and not the Creator since we have a beginning- but what a staggering thought. Those who had the privilege of gazing into heaven and beholding His throne and likeness (Ezekiel, Daniel, Isaiah, John the Revelator, etc), described Him as best they could using words based on their experience… “He was LIKE this or that”, “in the likeness of…” Yet their experience of Him was still so far above anything they'd known in the created realm. Finite human words could not express the exactness of Him. Although He was similar to this or that, still He was not EXACTLY like anything their human senses had ever experienced or could put into words.

A.W. Tozer says in THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE HOLY (which I highly recommend), “’What is God like?' If by that question we mean ‘ What is God like in Himself?' There is no answer. If we mean ‘What has God disclosed about Himself that the reverent reason can comprehend?' There is, I believe, an answer both full and satisfying ...That God can be known by the soul in tender personal experience while remaining infinitely aloof from the curious eyes of reason constitutes a paradox best described as, ‘Darkness to the intellect but sunshine to the heart’.”

But doesn't the self-existence of God just take your breath away? Does that not just cause Him to be magnified in your mind? The more I think on this, the more I want to worship Him. Not because I understand it, but because I do not! He is SO far above what I can even imagine. As high as the heavens are above me, His ways and His Being are just so much higher! Who am I to question such a God. He is no god, He is GOD! Who am I to doubt Him, to not trust Him, to not walk in complete confidence and security. He is GOD! He is MY God! And oh the wonder of it, I am His beloved child. Whoa! The Uncreated One…! May we, His children, bow before Him in holy fear; with amazement and gratitude. Wonder of wonders- He, the Uncreated, loves us; and we who have believed on Him, who have called on His name, the created, will live eternally with Him. Unfathomable, unthinkable! Yet gloriously beautiful!

I wrote this song several years ago with the thought of the Uncreated majesty of Jesus in mind: If you'd like to hear the song click on the "View My Complete Profile" link and then click on the audio clip there.

“Here we are gathered in Your name.
We long for more, to never be the same
Moving towards the Uncreated One

Overwhelmed as You invade our space
Take us in, to that Holy place
Purify, consuming flame
We love Your name

You are awesome and frightening
Beautiful God
Consuming fire and lightning
Holy One
Enthroned, eternal Love
You are Good; and we bow
We bow down”

May God bless you with more of Himself in 2012. Draw near to Him and He promises to draw near to you. The Uncreated delights to draw near to His creation. How beautiful. Happy New Year!

My Christmas post :)

2011-12-14T01:52:00.013-06:00

In historic St Charles with my beautiful mom.

Merry Christmas! How on earth did it get here so fast? I wanted to blog a post at this most important time of year so here it is, such as it is. (But don't get too excited :/).

Well its two weeks until Christmas and the annual eleventh hour panic is beginning to set in. Last year I had nearly everything purchased by Black Friday but a November grandbaby kind of distracted me this year. ;) Don’t think I’m complaining though. I’ll take having our lives completely turned upside down and eternally enriched over proficiency and organization any day. He grows more dear and beautiful every day and we are falling deeper in love with him. I love how his smell lingers on my clothes after I’ve held him. Makes me not want to throw them in the washer (I do though in case any of you are worried :). I love the expressions and movements he makes. These things were once such a huge part of my life when I had newborns but I didn’t even realize how much I’d forgotten until it all came back with my grandbaby. The other day I found an article my Dad had written when Haley was born called “Bear with me, I’m a first-time grandfather”. I now know exactly how he felt. So bear with me when I gush about my grandbaby. He is just so wonderful and amazing!!! I can’t help myself.

This is our first Christmas in our new house, in our new state, in our new church. So far I’m having a blast. The crisp, cold weather, the family close by, the novelty of decorating a new house…it’s all combined to give me the Christmas cheer in a concentrated dose.

Now let me tell you about another new thing we got to be a part of here. Each Christmas our new church, Faith Chapel does something called the Advent Conspiracy. The concept behind it is to substitute our culture’s consumption with Christ’s compassion. Where instead of being swept up with the commercialism of Christmas, we make a choice to spend less and to give more. The cause our church chose this year to give to was Samuel’s House. Samuel’s House is a ministry that rescues abandoned children in Caracas Venezuela. They have eight homes with house parents for these children. Last year at Christmas, the generosity of Faith Chapel helped to build one of these homes. This year, Faith Chapel’s Advent Conspiracy project was to give each of the children of Samuel’s House a great Christmas. Families and individuals sponsored each of the 38 children housed there. We were given their sizes, hobbies and interests. Every child at Samuel's House was sponsored by someone in our church. We were so blessed to be here this year to participate. And on Christmas morning this year, each of these precious children will open up brand new presents picked out just for them for the first time ever. A lot of these children were rescued from the streets and the garbage dumps of Caracas. Many have never had anything new before. What blessing to be a part of a church that prioritizes the Kingdom during this materialistic season that is really supposed to be all about Jesus. I’m so thankful to have been a part it. It made Christmas seem like Christmas this year for the first time in a long time. If anyone is looking for a good cause to give to this year, Samuel’s House is a great ministry that is really doing the work of Jesus here on this earth. Check it out by going to http://www.thevenezuelareport.com/index.php and clicking the “Giving” link.

Four Generations

Also this month, my Mom came the week before Thanksgiving to stay with us for three weeks and she just left today. We all miss her. I declare we gained 5 to 10 pounds having her here. What’s with Mommas wanting to feed you all the time? But trust me, none of us complained about this. We just shoveled it in and kept going back for more. It was fun showing her around and showing her off. She really was able to relax and just enjoy being here at home and worshipping with us at church. Watching her see her great-grandson for the first time and seeing all four generations together just made me step back amazed with gratitude at the goodness of God. The Lord has done so much in our family. The righteous sowing of prayer , worship and repentance has led to a harvest of blessing. He delights in blessing the generations when we obey. When tempted to sin, if nothing else will get my attention, when I think of how sin opens a door that will affect the generations after me, I am stopped in my tracks.

Oh did I mention that my Mom taught my husband to make her famous pralines and fudge? I’m afraid we’ve created a monster. We shall be fat I’m afraid. But although we’ve moved North we are still cooking like Southern folks. Tonight Keith whipped up a Sauce Piquante that would make you want to slap your Grandmaw. Just this month we have had Seafood Gumbo, Shrimp and Corn Bisque, fried chicken, fried okra and hot water bread, plus the best pecan pie on earth and of course the ever present pralines and fudge… I think my husband missed his calling. He so could be a chef or at least a Cajun caterer. There just might be a market for that up here in the Midwest. We just love food way too much. And like my dad used to do, Keith photographs his food. So I will add a tantalizing photo for your viewing pleasure and you can have pity and not judge me when I have to buy new jeans.

Well unfortunately I haven’t totally avoided the seduction of materialism and commercialism this year. Again I've spent way too much and (as mentioned above) have eaten way too much. How sad but prevalent it is to forget to invite Jesus to His own birthday celebration. But thankfully some Venezuelan orphans and a sweet grandbaby have helped to refocus me on Jesus. I told Haley one day when Gabe was still in the NICU… just think how careful they are with sanitation and how worried they are about viruses and germs yet Jesus was born in a barn. I think we glamorize it a bit. My manger scene on my bookshelf looks quite inviting and sterile but in reality our God left the glories of heaven to come to this earth clothed in human skin as a tiny baby boy and born in a dirty, stinky barn. He was born helpless, dependent, vulnerable. Its quite amazing when you just sit and think about it. How He loved us to do this. But despite this reality, for many, Christmas is a sad time, a time of stress and anxiety and loneliness. The enemy can’t change what Jesus did by coming here to earth, being born to die for our sins, but he can try to corrupt our celebration of it by making it into something ugly. He always comes to steal, kill and destroy. He steals the focus from Jesus. He kills joy causing depression and suicide to become rampant during the holidays. He destroys finances through gross materialism and over spending. But everything he destroys, he does with our help. Our pastor’s wife Beth Riley said it best. She said, “Satan’s agenda hides in the disobedience of God’s children.” Ouch. But its true. We have a choice. When we “Submit to God and resist the devil, he WILL flee.” Without our cooperation, he doesn’t have a whole lot of ammunition to use against us. I've definitely given him plenty throughout the years with being caught up in the worry, strife, stress and materialism during what should be a simple joyous celebration of my Savior's birth.

But its not too late to stop and refocus. It's never too late for Jesus. Let us determine with what is left of this holiday season to not get caught up in the world's shallow, corrupted Christmas. Instead of focusing on the procurement of the latest must-have gizmo or gadget (which will probably be obsolete by the end of next year) may we primarily pursue and invest in the eternal One we are supposed to be celebrating-- Jesus. The Lord once spoke to my heart in the midst of a financial struggle to stop grieving over finances and possessions because these things are temporary but relationships are what is eternal. Only our investments in a relationship with Him and with others will endure and bear fruit in eternity.

I pray that in the midst of the chaos, the noise and the clutter of what has become the Christmas season that He would be found as we seek Him about all else. May the peace and presence of Jesus invade our homes this year and transform our lives. Merry Christmas guys and God bless you, every one!

Beyond the Walls

2011-11-29T09:31:00.002-06:00

I was looking back through this blog at some very old posts and I found this one that I had forgotten I had written. It really jumped out at me as something I needed to share again. So I am resposting it in part. Here it is... :)

God is purifying me! And wow am I seeing lots of dross! Too much it seems sometimes. At times I want to say, “Stop! That’s enough! Don’t show me anything else!” But thankfully, HE knows when to stop! Praise Him for that! I’ve definitely seen some walls coming down in my life. Okay, maybe not all of the way down… I’m not sure the state of the walls… but I DO know that some mighty big cracks are showing. You’d think that would make for an exciting, joy-filled time, wouldn’t you? Ha! As walls come down, they EXPOSE what’s behind them! When Jericho’s walls came down, the Israelites didn’t just throw a party because the walls were down and then that was it. They had to go in and continue the conquest of Jericho. They had to put to death the inhabitants of the city. The Lord showed me this but I wondered how to fight, and Pastor shared the answer the next Sunday- We don’t battle with natural weapons, we put those things to death through the cross--through dying. The walls ARE coming down (hallelujah), but I’m seeing ugly things behind those walls. Things in me that need to die! And they’re not dying easily… Some of them are fighting to live on! But I am determined! I will not go round this mountain again. I will not jump off this altar again. Jumping off may give me a temporary reprieve, but rest assured- I'll be back at this same place one day again if I do not remain and let God finish what He's begun.

I believe there is an anointing, RIGHT NOW, for breakthrough- to deal with deep-seated strongholds we’ve dealt with for years. Strongholds we’ve become so familiar and comfortable with that we’ve ceased to even fight them. Yes, we hate them, but it’s easier to live with them in the land than to fight them and put them to death. I’m reminded of so many of Israel’s kings who may have been good and who destroyed the idols of the land, but who left the high places… or left some of the inhabitants in the land and didn’t deal with them. And those inhabitants are still a thorn in Israel’s side to this day. The descendants of the children of Israel are today, battling those same enemies who were not dealt with back then. If I continue to leave the high places in my heart and life, if I continue to leave certain strongholds and open doors to the enemy- am I not hurting more than just myself? Am I also leaving that door open to my children? My grandchildren? My great-grandchildren? This go-'round, I feel a determination in my heart that I’ve never felt before when I’ve faced familiar strongholds once again- This time I will not stop fighting and dying until the walls are down and Jericho is conquered. This is the last time I will face this. Because I am going to not only face it, but conquer it in Jesus name! If I won’t do it for me, then I’ll do it for my children; for my generations. As I said before- there is an anointing for breakthrough right now! And it’s not just for me. It’s for everyone. Perazim- breakthrough! Yet we have a choice. Will we respond to Him in this season? Or will we jump and run before He’s done? Lord, help us to remain in the flame! (That sounds like a song! :^). So if I've seemed not myself lately, just know, I am in the fire. It hurts and it isn’t fun. But I have hope in my heart that after the breakthrough, there will be more of Him! What more could I ask!? HE’s gonna be worth it all!

"Purify our hearts
Cleanse us from our sin
Open up the doors
And let the King of Glory in"

Gabriel's birth

2011-11-17T00:27:00.002-06:00

Isn't he just beautiful? :)

As promised here are the details of little Gabe's birth... but rather than me telling it, I will instead give you his mom's perspective. Here's a beautifully written post my daughter Haley posted on her blog at http://haleyeortego.blogspot.com/. I have been so impressed by the maturity, the faithfulness and selflessness my daughter and son-in-law have displayed throughout this long week. They have stood together in unity as they've tirelessly put their baby's needs before their own. Needless to say, little Gabriel is very loved. Anyway, here's the story, in Haley's words:

I would like to officially announce and update you on the birth of my sweet little boy. Gabriel (God is my strength) Michael (Who is like God?) born November 11, 2011. (11/11/11!) He weighs 8 lb and 7 oz and is 23 inches long. He is definitely the cutest thing I have ever seen, with dark blue eyes and good bit of dark brown hair. He is so handsome!

Labor was long, 24 hours, but it was also the most amazing experience. I felt God's hand on Josh and I through the entire progress. I know there were a lot of people lifting us up in prayer and I could feel the covering of the Lord. Like most things in life, things never go quite you like you plan. I've been thinking and dreaming about those first few moments and days with my son for 9 months. It didn't quite go like I had planned. Here's an update on the events of our lives over the last few days...

Gabe: Upon arrival, Gabe was having some trouble breathing. At first it was no big deal, seemed to be pretty standard for him to have trouble catching his breath. After several minutes of labored breathing they called the house pediatrician to take a look at him. She wasn't initially concerned, but after awhile of the same labored breathing she ordered X-rays of his chest. X-rays revealed what is called a Spontaneous Pneumo thorax ( a pocket of air between the lung and membrane wall) or collapsed lung. Gabe had two. Apparently this occurs in 2-5% of babies and usually corrects itself with no therapy. She consulted with a Dr at St. Louis Children's Hospital and was advised to send him to the NICU there. One of the pockets of air in Gabes lung was large enough they used a small needle to remove the air to prevent it from expanding and causing any pressure. After running some more test they also discovered that his white blood cell count was high. Over the next few days, all of Gabes X-rays and test came back great. Due to the initial results of the blood test though they have decided to keep him at Children's until Thursday. They want him to finish up his antibiotics just to make sure he doesn't end up back at the hospital. I absolutely appreciate the caution of the Doctors and as a parent definetly want to use wisdom...but I do know that Jesus healed my little boy. It's just kinda hard to explain that to a doctor.

In Daddy's arms

Josh: Is amazing! I didn't think it was to fall deeper in love with my high school sweetheart..but I did this weekend. He was so incredibly supportive. He never left my side through the whole long process. He must have told me how awesome I was doing 25,000 times. And even though I didn't always feel so awesome, having him believing in me and cheering me on made all the difference. Seriously, the guy that can still call you princess and beautiful when your in the worst pain of your life, throwing up, and experiencing all the other glamorous aspect of labor is...a liar, and totally worth marrying and keeping forever. :) I got to meet a new side of Josh this week, the part of him that is now a Daddy. When they took Gabe from me, to a hospital almost an hour away, I was beyond devastated. I had such reassurance in knowing that Gabe went with the presence of God and with his Daddy riding right beside him in the back of the ambulance. Josh was going on 72 hours with 5 hours of sleep, but he never left Gabe. Going through things like this as a couple will either make you or break you. I am so thankful that Josh and I both carry the presence of Jesus Christ, and in moments like these I just grow in love and respect for the man of God that he is. And oh my goodness! Is there anything cuter than a man and a baby? Josh is so smitten its not even funny. I love to watch him fall in love with that smooshy little baby.

Mom and Gabe making eyes at each other

Me: Well...needless to say the last several days have been emotional. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would spend the first day of my baby's life almost an hour away from him. I was seriously devastated. I knew Gabe would be ok. I kept saying, "I know my God, and I know he is a healer." The real struggle was just not getting to connect with my son. I got to hold him for about 15 min before he left. which I was very thankful for...but of course it was not nearly enough. So since my arrival at Children's Saturday afternoon, Gabe has hardly been put down. I don't think you can spoil anyone with love...so we seize every cuddling opportunity possible. He is just so good at snuggling...oh I could just eat him!! I just love being the momma of Gabriel. Words just can't express how in love I am with this beautiful, sweet, screaming, bright eyed, squishy boy. I speed shower and rush through eating so I can get back to him. As hard as this week has been...probably the hardest I've ever had to go through...I know God is our author and finisher, and he is so faithful. Without realizing what i was singing, i realized this morning I was singing the line, "You are faithful, from generation to generation.." God has never failed us and he continues by showing such faithfulness to Gabriel. Josh and I had the opportunity today to pray with three people who had babies in the NICU. One has been here for over 7 months. I know so many of you have been keeping Gabe in your prayers this week. Words can't express our gratitude. We've been so blessed by all the text, messages, and comments we've received. As you pray for my baby, would you please also take the time to lift up little Christian, Josiah, and Mitchell...all three little boys who have been here entirely too long and need a touch from Jesus. The NICU is such a sad place to be. Thankfully the presence of God goes with us even into the most dismal places. I pray that if for no other reason God used us here this week to show love to a hurting heart. What an honor it is to be chosen and used by God in those moments. So we count it all joy :)

Baby Gabey

Indescribable Love

2011-11-15T23:40:00.007-06:00

When I first found out, I was concerned about what I'd be called. People tried to tell me it wouldn't matter when the time came and I don't know if I quite knew what they meant... But now I do.

Gabriel Michael Ortego has made me a grandmother. He was born this past Friday night. Yes on 11/11/11 at 3:01 am weighing 8 lbs 7 oz and 23 inches long.

I guess he'll call me Mimi. But he can call me whatever he wants because I love him. I just want to get this down and out there while the emotions are high but although he isn't even a week old and I've only held him once, I love that baby more than life itself. I would lay down my life for him, no questions asked. Gabriel cannot yet speak, show me love, do anything for me. Heck, he can't do anything much at all right now but eat and cry and make dirty diapers. He's totally helpless and dependent. So why do I love him so much already? How can this be? Just because. He's my grandson. Just like I love his beautiful mother and each of my children. Just because. They are mine. And just like that, I begin to sort of understand Jesus' unexplainable love for us. He loves us... just because. He did give His life for us and He longs every day to be with us. He doesn't 'need' us and we can't really do one thing of ourselves to even come before Him... But He paid the highest price, because we were priceless to Him. He made a way because He loves us. I think I am kind of getting it now.

We love Gabe. The love on Haley and Josh's faces for their baby is just beyond beautiful to me. I love watching them with him almost as much as I love to watch him. Its like a whole new layer has been pulled back off of my heart and I feel love at a new, raw, holy level. He's absolutely priceless to his parents and to each of us who are blessed to be a part of his family. Our lives have each been forever changed by this tiny little soul that my beautiful daughter and son-in-law blessed the world with.

There's much more that I haven't found expression for and more details about his birth which I promise will come at a later date. But right now I am almost speechless. Hard to fathom I know :). And if you haven't been there yet, I'll tell you like they told me...one day you will understand. But you probably won't be able to explain the emotions any better than I just have :). It's indescribable.

So here's some pictures of our precious baby boy. You gotta admit... he's pretty dang cute! :D

Gabe and Mommy

I will still and quiet my soul like a well fed child with his mother.

Bright eyes

Me and my grandson. So in love...

LIFE

2011-10-12T16:47:00.008-05:00

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:3-4

Gabriel Micheal is already standing for LIFE before he's even born. My daughter Haley posted the picture of his sonogram on her facebook page and his photo was picked up by Bound For Life Orlando and posted on their facebook page with this caption: "Actual picture from the womb! I think we all can agree - that IT IS a baby!". https://www.facebook.com/Bound4LIFEOrlando. Haley said it was her first 'proud mommy' moment. Since she's known she was pregnant, Haley and her husband Josh have prayed that Gabe would stand for justice and be a voice to the nations. He's been prophesied as a Daniel or Joseph, having great influence at a young age. And already his voice is being heard.

Its hard to believe this picture isn't a photograph of a sleeping baby but rather is a sonogram of a 36-week old 'fetus'. I think of those who would say that this isn't a true Life. I don't know how they could look at Gabriel's picture and say that. Just look at that face... Snuggled up, safe and secure with his mommy, in the womb. The picture reminds me of this Psalm.131:2 "But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a well-fed child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." And the love Haley feels for Gabe is like the love of mothers down through the years. It's a God-given love that is at our very core. God understood it when he spoke in Isaiah 49:15 saying,“Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!

There should be no safer place for a child, than with it's mother. Even the animal kingdom knows this. Just try crossing a bear or lioness with their cubs and you will find out how fiercely and violently they will defend their young. Yet as most of the Church remains silent, every day millions of women selfishly choose to end the life of their unborn babies as a form of birth control. This behavior goes against the most basic of natural instincts...Yet it happens every day as the world applauds our right to choose and the judges of the land uphold our 'choice' as reasonable...

But the Word of God says:

"God presides over heaven's court. He pronounces judgment on the judges. 'How long will you judges hand down unjust decisions? How long will you shower special favors on the wicked? Give fair judgment to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. Rescue the poor and the helpless; deliver them from the grasp of evil people. But the oppressors know nothing; they are so ignorant! And because they are in darkness, the whole world is shaken to the core'... Rise up, O God and judge the earth, for all the nations belong to You." Ps 82:1-8.

There is a day of reckoning coming to our nation and to mankind. God WILL make wrong things right, but until then, who will stand up for the voiceless? Who will rescue the poor and helpless? Who will give justice to the widow and the orphan?

Let it begin with you and I. We really can make an impact. I saw this article posted by one of my facebook friends about a young lady who overheard a converation while getting her hair cut and her obedience to speak about LIFE, saved a life. http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/i-just-went-to-get-my-hair-done-and-saved-a-baby-from-abortion-instead.

Our sweet Gabriel is loved and cherished and wanted. He's been blessed to be born into a family who already values and loves him. But sadly so many babies as precious and full of potential as our little Gabe won't get the chance to live and fulfill their potential. Trust me, I understand how people make mistakes and I do get how overwhelming it must be for young mothers in difficult circumstances to think of being responsible for a child. But death is never the answer. There really ARE other options out there. Adoption is dear to God's heart. It is at the very core of the gospel message.

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

If you or someone you know is thinking of getting an abortion, please contact http://www.bound4life.com/ or a similar life organization that will help you. There are so many families, deeply desiring to adopt, many with a burden for special-needs babies. Just through facebook alone I personally know of several ministries that serve through placing babies in loving homes. Please let me or someone else know if you need the name of these organizations.

Every single life is valuable to God. Your life is very valuable to Him. He took what we deserved- death and hell and instead gave us what He, the sinless Son of God deserved- life and heaven. He did it because He loves us. He loves YOU. You are as cherished to Him as our little Gabe is to us. Choose Jesus and you choose LIFE.

And Church, let's let our voice be heard. Even the most simple encounter could mean the difference between life and death. Speak up for LIFE! If we call ourselves children of God, we must realize how dear this is to our Father's heart. We cannot be silent. Even Dr Seuss said in Horton Hears a Who, "A person's a person, no matter how small". And I know Gabe agrees. His little voice is already being heard loud and clear :).

LIFE!

Psalm 139
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,
you are still with me!...

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Timing

2011-09-20T21:44:00.007-05:00

Gulf Shores Family Vacation August 2011
(Keith, me, Hannah, Max, Joseph, Josh and Haley)

Jer. 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I’ve realized that I process things very slowly, usually after the fact. I’ve also realized that I am not a multi-tasker. So when life gets crazy busy, I just cope as best as I can in the moment and process it all later. Well, since my last post, lots has happened. Lots and lots. And now that I’m on the other side of it and have somewhat processed it, I can hopefully give a decent account of the past few months of blogosphere silence.

This will be a long blog post. I apologize in advance.

In a nutshell, we are now officially Missouri residents. Finally. If it’d been up to us we would have been about three or four years ago. But God has His own timetable. And for good reason.

Before I go any further, let me tell you something. If you feel God is being unfair in making you wait, for not giving you what you long for… trust me… He really does know what He’s doing. And we really don't. You know what? When people have said to me: “Hang on. God’s timing is perfect”. I admit sometimes I really just wanted to slap them. Its one of those phrases that is overused and depending on your experience can seem very ‘pat’.… But can I tell you something? It. Is. True.

Okay, moving right along.....

About five years ago we started venturing north. The first time I went to the International House Of Prayer's Onething conference with my best friend Stacey Neely and my (then) teenagers Haley and Max, I felt I was among kindred spirits. Their 24/7 prayer model of non-stop worship and intercession totally resonated with my spirit. It completely changed my life and my worship. Like me, Max too was impacted. We then began an annual trek to the conference, with us eventually dragging the entire family along with us. Then my friend Stacey and her family felt called to move there. When Max also was eventually called there, I naturally assumed we’d not be far behind him and the Neelys.

Soon after our first visit to Kansas City, I visited St Louis with my worship team to make a CD with Kent Henry. Then that spring we came as a family for my soon to be son-in-law Josh’s graduation from ministry school. I remember REALLY feeling at home there and the thought briefly crossed our minds that perhaps we might ought to consider moving there instead of Kansas City. But life got busy, we had a wedding to plan and kids to raise and time just ticked by… but that pull north just didn’t go away. After their wedding Haley and Josh moved to O'Fallon, Missouri, where Josh became worship pastor at Faith Chapel. (O'Fallon is just northwest of St. Louis).

As time went on the stirring grew stronger and Keith and I knew that our time in Baton Rouge was drawing to a close. However, practically speaking, we couldn’t begin to figure out how God was going to do it. We prayed and thought and talked and prayed some more. Finally we got a definite green-light from the Lord and after some time-consuming updates, we triumphantly put our house on the market July of 2010.

When we would tell people we were leaving our lovely home and Keith’s steady income and just moving to Missouri, they’d usually ask us, “Does Keith have a job?” which would lead to our passionate explanation about how we didn’t know how it was all going to work out but we KNEW the Lord was leading us there. The responses we got ranged from encouraging nods to undisguised skepticism. But still we waited and believed, and waited some more.

A whole year we waited. But during that time the Lord tweaked our ‘plan’ and tweaked on us as well. We realized that although we had initially thought Kansas City was where He was sending us, it soon became crystal clear that it was the St. Louis area. I guess at least we’d had the state right. The Lord also graciously moved Max from Kansas City to St Louis (O'Fallon actually) as a worship intern at Faith Chapel, several months ahead of us. Plus after we'd started this whole process of putting our house on the market and attempting to move north, we found out in March that Haley and Josh were going to make us grandparents in November. Although both of our adult children were now in the St Louis area, I honestly think that we’d have wanted to move there even if they weren’t there. Faith Chapel of O’Fallon was where the Lord wanted us. This Presence-seeking church felt like home the first time we went there. Things were happening there and we wanted to be a part of it. And having all of the family together, plus a new grandbaby was definitely icing on the cake!

Now I tend to be a worrier and planner by nature. So the fact that all along I’d had a peace about moving without Keith having a job there or us having a house was proof enough to me that it was God. But as time went on, I’d find myself lying in bed at night trying to figure out how it was going to work out. “Would Keith wait and put in his two weeks notice at work when we got an offer on the house or would we wait until we were 100% sure and the buyers had signed on the dotted line? If so, where would we stay those two weeks? What about the dogs? Speaking of the dogs, how would we rent with the dogs? Heck, for that matter, how would we even rent at all without a job!” Whenever or however, we’d hoped to make enough on the house to live on and then during that time Keith would job hunt. We’d stay in Haley’s basement with the dogs until the said job and rent house was secured. Not the greatest plan but it was the best one we could come up with.

But still, the house didn’t sell. Almost an entire year went by…. We had plenty of traffic through it but nobody was interested in buying. We lowered the price three times, we advertised in different places, we planted more flowers, we added ‘or best offer’ to the ad. We got to the point where money wasn’t even important any more. We knew the Lord wanted us to go so we had to believe that if He was guiding us there that He would take care of our finances. We wanted to just drop everything and go but we needed Keith’s job to pay our bills until we sold the house which would get us out of debt so we could survive until he got another job… Yet we remained convinced God was leading us… So we continued to wait. But we just couldn’t understand why if the Lord wanted us there, He wouldn’t allow our house to sell so we could just go.

Then one day after he’d gotten home from work Keith called me into the bedroom to talk to me. He told me that he’d just been told that day that his company was closing down their Baton Rouge office and that he along with most everyone else was going to be laid off. The office would officially close its doors at the end of June and he was being asked to work from home until the end of July 2011 and then after that would receive a severance pay for several months. Hmmm….

It wasn't long after this that Keith confidently proclaimed… “We are going to sell our house in June”. It was the first declaration my prophetic husband had made all year concerning the selling of our house. But I wasn’t so sure…

Then one day about a month later, we got a call that a young couple wanted to look at our house. By this time, we didn’t get too terribly excited with these calls because we'd been disappointed so many times, but as usual we went through the cleaning routine then once again I loaded up the dogs and took them for a drive while Keith showed the house. We didn’t hear back anything and since we were heading to St Louis that weekend for a quick trip, we didn’t think much about it. After driving for ten hours, the very second that we crossed the city limits of O’Fallon, Missouri, Keith’s phone rang. It was the young couple’s realtor. They wanted to put an offer on our house. After some negotiating, some drama with the inspection and several major concessions on our part, we settled it all on the last day of June. There's another traumatic side-story involving the actual selling of the house and some things the Lord taught us but I'll save that for another day...But after frantic packing, throwing out, giving away and loading up (on what I think was the hottest day of the year), we finally closed on the house July 8th at around 1:30 pm. We didn't waste a moment. After leaving the lawyers office, we then immediately loaded up our children and dogs, cranked up the UHaul truck that was also pulling another trailer stuffed with our possessions, and caravanned non-stop to St Louis. We got here at 4 am.

Now lest you think I am finished. Just hang on. It was obvious to us that the Lord had blessed us by delaying us because had we sold the house when we wanted to, Keith would had given his two weeks notice, we’d have left with no money coming in and that would be that. Its what we expected to happen and we were okay with it. But the Lord had us wait, so that Keith would get laid off and still get paid for several more months while he looked for a job. Since he was still working from home when we moved, we were able to get into a nice rent house that let us have our dogs (which had seemed like a huge obstacle in my mind but wasn’t at all!).

Also, several months back, not knowing when (or even if) we’d be moving we’d planned to go to Gulf Shores with the entire family. We’d not been on a family vacation since Josh had joined our family and it’d been three years since we’d been on one with Haley. Plus with her being pregnant she really wanted to go to the beach one more time before the baby arrived… so our beach vacation was planned for August 15th. Well, as God and His perfect timing would have it, his job asked him to stay on two more weeks past the original end of July. His last day? August 15th. We had a blast at the beach, then returned to our new home all together and then settled in and Keith began searching for a job. There wasn’t a huge rush but he definitely wanted to start work as soon as possible and not wait until his severance ran out. Then one days soon after we returned he gets a phone call from the company he had worked for in Baton Rouge. They wanted to know- would he be willing to continue to work for them? From home? With a raise?

I am sure that you can imagine what our answer was….

Now I admit I’ve felt somewhat hesitant to tell this testimony. Mainly because I know that there are so many people hurting, waiting, wondering, struggling, needing and these thoughts might be passing through their heads “Wow, look at how the Lord is blessing them so much. I’m so happy for them but…..what’s wrong with me? Why isn’t God blessing me like that? Did I do something wrong? They must be highly favored and I am not.” How do I know that is what some may be thinking? Because for several years, that was me. I would be genuinely happy when the Lord blessed others, but I admit, I also felt a bit jealous and felt a bit rejected by God. We lived through a very long season of having very little. Of not knowing how we were going to buy groceries or pay the bills. We had made some stupid financial mistakes and I think there was a big part of me that since we were reaping what we’d sown, even though we had confessed and repented, that I thought I really didn’t have a right to even ask God to help us. One day as I wrestled with this the Lord spoke to my heart, “Kayla when you were saved, did I cancel your debt because of anything YOU had done?” And of course the answer to that was, “No, Lord. Jesus paid it all. I could never pay off my debt of sin.” And the Lord asked me, “then why don’t you ask me to help you? Yes ya’ll made mistakes and you don’t deserve my help…but NOBODY does. That’s why it’s grace. Its all me. Ask away.” And so I began to ask. As a mom, I pictured one of my kids asking for help, even though they may have made a mistake and what my heart towards them and their need would have been. And of course God’s heart is so much bigger than mine.

The very most I expected was that we’d sell our house and get out of debt and Keith would eventually get some kind of little job and we’d do okay. But I knew even so, we’d be where God wanted us and we’d be in a great church and with our kids so we’d be happy.

But God did so much more.

Eph 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen”.

But this isn’t just about provision. Its about God and His faithfulness and love and yes His TIMING. It’s about trusting Him and His goodness and His love and good will towards us, even when it doesn’t seem like anything is happening or we feel we’ve blown it too many times. God loves us and has good plans for us. He can be trusted. If there is something you are to do, then do it, obey… but also trust Him to do what you cannot. Reject the lies and trust His word. The word of God is our standard. Not our feelings. And He really does want to bless each of His dear children.

So when I tell you,“Hang on. God’s timing is perfect.” Please don't slap me. Because I'm telling you the truth :).

Ps 18:30 “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.”

"The Anger From Within" by Keith Mitchell

2011-09-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, You may remember earlier in the year I shared our friend Keith Mitchell's testimony of his victory over addiction. (http://kayla-worshippingwarrior.blogspot.com/2010/10/keith-mitchells-testimony.html.) I'd like to let you all know that he has now written a book. We are so very proud of him and I want to recommend it to you if you are struggling with addiction or you know someone who is. The Lord is already using Keith's testimony to lead others out of bondage and to Christ. Please keep him in prayer, that the Lord will expand his influence and that this book will get into the hands of those who need it most. I read it and although I already knew the story, I was definitely moved to tears. It just reminded me once again of the faithfulness of God to reach out to us even when we aren't reaching out to Him. He is the initiator and He loves us so much that He will go to every length to get to us.

You can get your copy here at Books A Million. http://www.booksamillion.com/p/Anger-from-Within/Keith-Mitchell/9781613798720. If you get it, give some feedback and let us know any testimonies of how it impacted your life or the life of someone you know. Thanks and God bless.

Keith Mitchell, Leanne Mitchell, me, Keith Johnson (my hubby :)

Busy :)

2011-06-24T13:42:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in forever... sorry faithful followers. I will explain why in a few weeks when we have landed on the other side of this busyness :) We have lots to do and a short time to do it in. Kind of overwhelming, but its all good, so no worries.

But I wanted to pause for a moment and to share this. While sorting through my closet this week I found this simple poem I wrote a while ago. I have no clue when I wrote it. Actually I have no memory of ever writing it. But it blessed me to read it so I thought perhaps it'd bless someone else who might linger here at my blog. Leave comments. I like to know who reads this thing. Anyhow, so here it is and I'll be back before long with an update and more details on our current doings :). God bless you all.

"At the threshhold of Your throneroom, I cannot enter in
I stop to ponder my shame, my fear and my sin
I've tried to be worthy, in my own strength to do right
But my deeds and efforts fade away as I approach Your light
I can never do enough I see, as I sadly turn to go
But then You call out 'Come back, weary one and I'll restore your soul.
Your price has been paid by the blood of the Lamb
Cease striving, stand still and know Who I AM.
I've provided all you need to do and to be
You are my precious child, made to glorify Me'.
Oh what joy I now know, I have nothing to fear;
I'm accepted, I am loved; without shame I draw near
I embrace You my Father, the God of all might
And boldly stand cherished in Your pure holy light."

Happy Birthday to our Double Blessing!

2011-05-16T00:23:00.014-05:00

It was October of 1994 and the last day of our beautiful adventure in Scotland. Three years before it had been a dream come true for me when Keith had received orders from the US Navy to Edzell, Scotland. Those years had been some of the most fruitful and memorable of my life and I did not want to leave. But despite our familiarity with the transient lifestyle of military folk, this particular tour had passed all too quickly for me. Our new orders would send us halfway around the world to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. The plan was for me, Haley and Max (ages 4 and 7) to fly out of Glasgow the next morning headed to Louisiana to visit family, followed by Keith a month later. We wanted a good long visit with family because we knew we’d probably not see them for another 3 years. After a day filled with packing and tearful goodbyes I don’t know what made me think to do it. I had no symptoms or signs but for some reason that night I decided to take a home pregnancy test. I really didn’t expect it to be positive, but being the ever-prepared one, I figured that on the slight chance it might be, that it would be a good thing to know before leaving Keith for a month. And as you can guess, the test was positive and we were surprised and very pleased.

Well as it turned out it was a good thing I took that long flight a month earlier than Keith because about two weeks into my visit I became unrelentingly, violently sick. Had I waited a month and flown home with Keith, well you can imagine what a nightmare that would have been. God mercifully spared me and the airline. Once he arrived, Keith spent the bulk of his leave tending to me, half out of my mind with misery. We endured multiple ER trips and my frightening allergic reaction to the nausea meds. But during this chaotic time we managed somehow to make it to a car dealership and bought a gnarly Pacific-blue van that I wasn't convinced we should buy. However I was too sick to argue so Keith prevailed. And then, some time before the end of our leave, I emerged from my misery- a bony, pale shell of my former self. But thankfully alive and still pregnant.

Somehow we made it through the flight to Hawaii without incident and settled into a hotel suite awaiting an opening in base housing. In order to get a four bedroom house we had to prove to the Navy housing office that I was indeed pregnant .Were they blind? But we went to the doctor to get the official diagnosis. And we got it all right... and so much more! Later as I was prepped for my first ultrasound, the ultrasound tech asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I jokingly remarked, “I just want to know its not twins”. The tech began the exam and pointed out the head, the heart, the tummy, then she stopped……… and said, “Ummm excuse me I’ll be right back” and promptly left the room. Keith and I were silent, afraid to even venture a guess at what she could have seen that would elicit such a reaction. Soon she returned with a doctor. She mumbled something about a mirror image, then just pointed at the screen and looked anxiously at him. The doctor smiled broadly and said, “No, that’s no two headed baby, you’re having twins!” Then he nonchalantly sauntered away leaving us in stunned silence. Um...come again? But there in the midst of our suspended disbelief, a holy awe settled over me and Keith as this thought came to my mind, “Wow, we are so BLESSED! He gave us TWO!” But ever practical, I think the first words out of my mouth actually were, “It’s a good thing we bought that van”.

Well a double pregnancy certainly explained my mega morning-sickness. But as reality began to set in, so did the panic. I wrote about my fear in my "The Grace Ticket" post.

Other women had twins- calm, capable, confident women. Not me. Definitely not me.… "Twins God? Me God? Are You serious?" But the fact remained that for some odd reason God DID choose me to be the mother of twins and it has forever convinced me that He definitely has a sense of humor. :) That night as I lay in bed, a thousand different scenarios of taking care of two babies at once were played out in my head.

What if they both were crying at the same time. What if they both needed their diaper changed at the same time. How would I choose? What if we were in public and they both needed me. How would I carry them both? Could I take care of two babies by myself while Keith was at work? And what about my other two children? Would they feel neglected? And when would I ever find the time to homeschool? Would I ever be able to go to the grocery store again?

These kind of thoughts made sleep impossible and worked me into a panic. But as I frantically questioned God about this…. as sure as I’ve ever known, the Lord spoke to my heart at that moment and He said (basically), “Kayla, my grace is sufficient for you. Right now you are picturing and worrying about things in the future that you aren’t facing now. You are pregnant now. You need my grace for that, not for handling two babies at once. When you have your two babies, that particular grace will be yours as well. But you won’t have it until the exact moment you need it. So quit worrying and looking ahead and deal with today. Relax and trust in me. My grace IS sufficient”.

I cannot tell you the peace and relief that flooded my soul at that moment. I breathed a prayer of gratitude and turned over and fell fast asleep. And from that moment forward a confidence and excitement stirred in my soul.

Well, we soon moved into our four bedroom Navy house and I was promptly enrolled in the hospital’s ‘twin clinic’ for close monitoring of my pregnancy. And true to form, the pregnancy was a wild ride of multiple appointments, preterm labor, gestational diabetes, bed rest, hospital stays and a dangerous overdose by an inattentive nurse (which got her fired by the way). I spent the entire last month of my pregnancy at Tripler Army Medical Center, the largest military hospital in the Asian and Pacific rim, located on the slopes of the Moanalua Ridge. I suppose if one has to be stuck in a hospital for a month, it might as well be on a lush mountain slope overlooking Honolulu. Needless to say, I got to know a lot of people there during my extended stay and was able to share my faith with some of them. We had some close calls but I can attest to the fact that the Lord was so near during that time, keeping us in His peace. His grace really was sufficient during what would have normally been a fear-filled season.

When we discovered we were having a boy and a girl, our joy knew no bounds. It was like from the beginning the Lord let us know that He was enjoying this, He was stretching us but He had a good plan, He wanted these babies to be born and He’d chosen us to raise them. During my pregnancy, I began to get a foretaste of their personalities. From my many ultrasounds I was told that Twin A, a very active little girl, who was positioned right in front, would be born first. Twin B, our little boy, tucked quietly in my side, would be born second. Through all of the close calls with delivering too early I asked the Lord to please let them be born by 36 weeks. And on May 17, 1995, the very day of my 36th week, our double blessings dramatically entered our lives. Hannah Ruth weighing in at 7+ lbs and Joseph Ian at almost 6 lbs. And there’s not been a dull moment since!

Despite the extra work of two babies (two of everything- think diapers, strollers, car seats, clothes, toys, etc) I can honestly say that they have truly been a double blessing.

As they were in my womb, Hannah has proven to be energetic, active, sassy, competitive, emotional, warm and extremely funny. Joseph has proven to be quieter, deep, creative, thoughtful, artistic, intense and also warm and extremely funny. I’ve never seen two twins who were more opposite. But thankfully they were each other’s best friends while growing up. And as with many twins they had their own language. They had many a conversation with each other that only they understood.

And sixteen years after that blessed day in May when they entered our lives I want to say that they have blessed me and their daddy from day one. Hannah, called to be an intercessor and a worshipper. Joseph, called to prosper and to prophesy. God created these two beautiful, interesting, priceless treasures and for some reason He chose me to carry them together in my womb and he gave me and Keith the honor of raising them. Their heritage has been paved with righteousness and their destiny is greatness in the Kingdom. And I for one can’t wait to sit back and watch it unfold. So Happy 16th Birthday to our double blessing. We love you Hannah and Joseph!!! Its definitely been double the fun!

Happy Mother's Day. No Regrets Repost.

2011-05-08T13:12:00.001-05:00

In honor of Mother's Day I want to repost something I wrote last year sometime. Have a wonderful Mothers Day all the moms out there. You may not think it now, but you are impacting eternity in the every day, mundane tasks you do. I honor you! Enjoy! :)

I want to say this to all of you young parents out there. It is WORTH it! THEY are worth it!

I married Keith at 18 and got pregnant with Haley before I completed college. So I never got my degree. But I don’t regret it! I didn’t join the corporate world and have a successful career like some of my friends. But I don’t regret it! I’ve not achieved fame or fortune or done anything very glamorous, dangerous or scandalous. But I don’t regret it!

I’m not going to say I haven’t sometimes had moments of frustration or feeling bad about myself when compared to the world’s view of success. I remember when the kids were small sometimes wondering-- "what about me God? What about my dreams?" I spent a lot of time wishing I was in the future and I didn't fully appreciate those precious present moments. But NOW I know, as insignificant as I sometimes felt, that no accomplishment, no reward, nothing compares to the opportunity I’ve had to BE THERE and to pour into my children. Nothing! Today they bless me more than I could ever have imagined when they were little and I was so very tired.
I ran across this poem someone else wrote and I want to share it…

A hundred years from now,

it will not matter what my Bank Account was,

the sort of house I lived in,

or the kind of car I drove,

but the world may be different

because I was important

in the life of a child.

My kids are getting older and I am beginning to transition out of this season I've been in for so long. Its not easy. But now I see that this has been a very important (probably the MOST important) part of my destiny. And at this juncture of the journey, I am so humbled and thankful to have been chosen for such an honored calling in the Lord’s eyes as the Mother of these four precious children God has given me.

When we reach heaven, I do believe there’s going to be some surprises in store at who the Lord honors. I believe that many of the earth’s and the church’s big names will have to take a lower seat to the little mothers who honored God in the hidden place of their home, with their children, in the simple things they did for them. The sleepless nights rocking a sick child, the innumerable diapers changed, meals cooked, stories read, the time spent with the least of these… these things, I believe, will be honored in heaven far above the fame, fortune and accomplishments that were praised and honored here on earth.

Nope. I don’t regret it ONE bit.

The Secret :D

2011-04-18T12:32:00.003-05:00

Well I've been keeping a secret for the last few months. It's been extremely difficult to keep. I am not that good at keeping juicy secrets but by God's mercy I somehow managed to not explode. So for those of you who asked for the details and for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, here is the story of how it all went down in more detail than you probably care for...(sorry, I'm a fine-liner and not a headliner. Just how I roll... ;)

In February we spent a wonderful week with our kids in Missouri. I had been asked to lead worship at the women's meeting at Faith Chapel and we were all too happy to make the long trip there. We made a mini-vacation out of it and spent a wonderful week just kicking back, visiting with Haley, Josh and Max and attending every single thing Faith Chapel had to offer that week. It just further confirmed to us that this is where we belong. The reluctant trip back to Baton Rouge was made a bit more exciting when Keith nearly gave some stoned dude a heart attack by pulling his .45 out on him at a gas station when he opened my door and tried to get in our truck. (Yep I'm married to Rambo).

Anyhow, we reluctantly settled back into our routine in Baton Rouge. The following weekend Keith and the twins made a quick turkey hunt to St Francisville. That Sunday evening they returned tired so we decided to make an early night of it (which we hardly ever do). We were in our jammys and settled in bed about to go to sleep, with the laptop watching Faith Chapel's morning service online when both of the dogs started barking. Zeke our German Shepherd barks at everything but Lucca our Akita doesn't bark unless someone is in our yard. So when she barks, we pay attention. Keith headed down the hall muttering something like "who in their right mind would be at our front door at 10 at night". I stayed in the bedroom because I was in my jammys and didn't particularly want to greet guests in such attire. When I heard the door open and then muffled yelling... I started to get concerned. Although we live in a relatively safe neighborhood, this is Baton Rouge after all. Then Keith yelled, 'Honey you have to come see this!'...and I honestly couldn't imagine what on earth I was being summoned, in my jammys, to see. I cracked open the door, cautiously peeking out and there in my front yard stood my daughter and son-in-law (and his sister Joanna with a video camera) laughing and smiling... What?! I mean, Keith and I had just been in bed watching Josh lead worship at Faith Chapel that morning and my sleepy brain couldn't wrap around the fact that he was on my computer and in my front yard at the same time. Then as I tried to digest this I noticed something else-- in their hands they held a sign that said- "Congrats You Are Grandparents". What?! Yes, our precious kids left St. Louis after church that morning and drove 10 hours just to come tell us, face to face that Haley was pregnant. They had found out she was pregnant the night we left their house. We absolutely couldn't believe it. Josh's parents got the same exciting surprise and about half an hour later they joined us for a celebration (and a cake Josh's sister Joanna made and brought- yes they thought of everything! :) We were each given a teeny baby sock with two scriptures on them that they are praying over their baby. We spent a joyous Monday with them and Tuesday morning they turned around and headed back to Missouri. What an unexpected and joyous visit that was! The only bad thing was.... we had to WAIT to tell this wondrous news ! They asked us to wait until she was around 8 weeks and after they told their church. So we waited................. a month! It wasn't easy folks.

So if you've seen me this last month and I seemed to be avoiding you... Now you know why. The excitement and joy have been about to burst out of my pores. But somehow... I managed :)

My baby girl is having a baby. She's due 11/8/11 (but she's hoping for 11/11/11! :) And until the day I die, the way they told us will be one of my most precious, treasured memories. God is SO good!!!

So now you know. :)

The Beginning of Birth Pains (Part 2)

2011-03-24T21:40:00.004-05:00

Matt. 24: 3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” 4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains. 9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

I guess a better title for this post would be “After the Beginning of Birth Pains” because although Matt. 24:3-7 clearly describes the beginning of the birth pains, verses 9-14 (and beyond) describe what will happen after they have begun in earnest. Where are we in this timeline? I am of the humble opinion that we’ve been in the beginning of birth pains for quite some time now, with it ever increasing in intensity (the contractions are getting closer) and that now we are beginning (or at least close to beginning) the transition into the THEN of verse 9.

It was obvious that Jesus laid out the timeline for our benefit. First He said:.

“Watch out that no one deceives you.” We must not think we are immune to deception. Jesus wouldn’t have felt the need to warn us if he thought we’d be sitting back watching this unfold from a cloud somewhere. Today, I turn on the TV to commercials and shows that would have been scandalous in my childhood… "Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were not at all ashamed, Nor did they know how to blush". Jer.8:12. Things that were frowned upon in society even a decade ago now don’t even cause us to blush today. Our culture is so saturated with decadence that we don’t even recognize what is evil anymore not unlike the frog fatally acclimating itself to a pan of boiling water. Yes culture may change, but God doesn’t and His word is for today more than ever. The standard of His word will keep us from being deceived in these coming confusing days. But we MUST NOT think we cannot be deceived or we won’t be watchful over our hearts. To be honest, I was shocked at how many Christians in this last presidential election didn’t make the life of the unborn a deal breaker. I don’t care how charismatic, different or young a candidate is, when we are moved by personality more than the plight of human life, we are paving the way for the antichrist.

“Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me.

Today, in other parts of the world people are being martyred for their faith in Jesus. We read these things and feel bad for them, but we feel so far removed from it in the west. But in the last few years, I have seen things in America I never thought I would ever see in my lifetime. With each ungodly legislation we’ve allowed, we have opened the door wider for the antichrist in our society. First with abortion and now with the homosexual agenda, evil is called good and good is called evil. Even the national holiday of Christmas is under attack because of its first 6 letters. Friends we are well on our way towards joining our brothers and sisters overseas. Just notice how when a moral politician arises on the scene, how long it takes before they are vilified by the press with their every movement, word, inflection being ridiculed, judged and condemned. This is just a small taste of how it will be.

"At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people."

Persecution and suffering will cause many hearts to grow offended with God. After natural disasters like Japan just suffered, there is a tendency for even those in the church to think “how could a loving God…” Many will grow offended and the love of many will grow cold. Offense can harden a heart quicker than anything. I can look at my own life and see times when I found myself growing cold and I can usually trace it back to an offense…either with God or with somebody. After talking about the persecution and martyrdom Jesus said, “at that time many will turn away…will betray…will hate.” By not keeping an unoffendable spirit during hardship and persecution, many will open themselves up to deception. In the parable of the sower Jesus warned :“Some (seed/ the word) fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.” Matt. 13:5-6

He then shared the interpretation of this in Matt. 13: 20-21 “The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away.”

Jesus was clear about the fact that when facing persecution, if our ‘soil’ isn’t good, we could become susceptible to falling away.

“Because of the increase of wickedness the love of MOST will grow cold”. Most. Let that sink in for a minute friends. Again we see here as wickedness increases, offended and deceived hearts will grow cold. I mean, how cold has our society become already? When children are exploited and aborted with hardly a moral outcry, we are already well on our way to fulfilling this verse. So we can’t pat ourselves on the back and think this could never happen to us. Friends, it already is!

Now after all of the bad news, here’s the hope!

“but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.”

This is my new prayer…”Lord let me stand firm to the end.” With so much competing for our attention, with our leadership and even the church giving into political correctness, standing firm cannot be optional. Now the question: How does one stand firm? This I believe is the answer. Being rooted and grounded in love. The Apostle Paul who suffered persecution, disasters and ultimately martyrdom for Christ wrote to the church in Ephesus:

“I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being ROOTED and ESTABLISHED in LOVE, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Love. Paul also said about love in 1 Cor. 13:12-13, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully KNOWN. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love . But the greatest of these is LOVE."

Christianity is about a relationship. My relationships with my husband, my children, my parents, my friends, are rooted in love. Jesus said that in that day many will say ‘Lord Lord didn’t I do this and that in your name’ and He will say, “depart from me I never KNEW you”. I’ve shared this before but here it is again:

“He never KNEW them. There was no relationship. It was just religion. Even though they DID great things… and in His name too- HE didn't know them! There are different levels of 'knowing'. Keith was in the Navy for 20 years and he worked for the President of the United States. He knew the President. He knew his name, recognized his face. He followed his orders and gave orders under his authority and with his approval. But had the President passed Keith on the street he'd not have known his name. Keith knew the President, but the President didn't 'know' Keith. I know many people- Acquaintances whose name I know. Although I don't know them very well, on some level I can say, yes, I 'know' them. And I also have several close friends whom I know well; and family members also, and they in turn 'know' me. But I don't know anyone like I 'know' Keith. There is a level of 'knowing' there that is on a whole different level. We are one.” (If you want to read more on this, here is the link to the post: http://kayla-worshippingwarrior.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html. )

The onset of suffering is not the time to try to ‘get’ a relationship with God. When the birthpains start, those who truly know the Lord and are rooted and grounded in love will be able to stand. And sadly, those who are just religious will not. The sheep and the goats will be clearly known at that time. I for one, desire to be standing firm to the end, being rooted and grounded in His love because without a real knowledge of His love, it’s religion. And a foundation of religion won’t survive the shaking that is coming.

And finally:

“And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and THEN the end will come. “

So who will preach the gospel of the kingdom? A church, a bride purified through the fire of trials. She’s seen much and she’s suffered much. She’s stood fast on the word and she’s not grown offended. She’s pursued a love relationship with her Bridegroom and as she’s spent time in His presence pursuing His glory, she’s been empowered by His Spirit and filled with His love to preach the gospel to all nations.

… and THEN the end will come.

The beginning of birth pains. What a privilege to be living in this time at the end of one age and the beginning of another. Many longed to see this and did not. Yet in His wisdom, He chose us to be here, TODAY.

So I pray- thank You Lord. Prepare us, equip us, draw us close, reveal Yourself and help us to stand firm, rooted and grounded in Your love. And the Spirit and the Bride say “Come”. Come Lord Jesus.. Amen

The Beginning of Birth Pains (Part 1)

2011-03-12T21:55:00.008-06:00

My heart is so sad about Japan. We were never stationed there in our Navy years but it was the homeland of many of the friends we made in Hawaii. I know their hearts are anxious and grieved as they await word of their loved ones there. As I’ve scanned the internet I’ve seen many calls for the Body of Christ to pray for Japan. I hope that we will indeed rise to the challenge to intercede for this nation. As we are led by the Spirit, we should give financially or offer help to reputable organizations that will truly bring aid. But above all, we must pray. To pray for rescues and miracles and healings. To pray for restoration and aid and salvations. For some strange reason God chooses to partner with us through our prayers. Our prayers somehow do indeed move the God of the universe and though in this life we may never hear of the answers to our prayers for Japan, we must pray anyway. People’s lives are depending on it.

It’s always shocking when these types of things happen. But here in America, even as we earnestly pray for the people of Japan we may feel somewhat detached from this tragedy. After all, this sort of thing happens in other places. It wouldn’t ever happen here would it? Friends, I’m afraid our days of detachment are coming to an end.

With all of the natural disasters, uprisings, wars and blatant wickedness increasing, I can’t help but thinking of what Jesus said.

Matt. 24: 3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” 4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains. 9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. “

If that doesn’t sound like the days we are living in right now I don’t know what does. Now I’m not going to get on a theological debate about when the ‘rapture’ will occur on the ‘end times’ timeline because I’m not entirely sure, but I do think the Bible is very clear that we will go through some really tough times before the Lord returns. And I believe that we have already entered the beginning stages of those ‘tough times’ even now.

“For many will come in my name claiming, ‘I am the Messiah’ and will deceive many.”

I personally have not seen anyone on TV or in a church claiming to be the Messiah, although I don’t doubt it’s happening somewhere in the world. But what I HAVE seen is many coming in His name and claiming to speak for Him. There’s a seeker-friendly ‘gospel’ going out these days that is careful to not tread on toes, to offend or to make its hearers uncomfortable; while gingerly sidestepping the truth about repentance, surrender and holiness … having a ‘form of Godliness but denying its power’. There’s a day of reckoning coming where many will have to answer to God for spreading a soft gospel that sent multitudes to hell because it didn’t proclaim that truth is absolute, that sin is a big deal, that the way is narrow and Jesus is the only way. We must be so careful to study and to know the word for ourselves in these last days because as Matthew 24 continues, "For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand.” Studying and knowing the truth for ourselves is something I previously blogged about here: http://kayla-worshippingwarrior.blogspot.com/2010/10/truth-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-truth.html.

“You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom.”

I think of the conflicts and tension in the world going on right now in Egypt, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Libya, Africa, Korea, the drug war in Mexico, threats to Israel and the list goes on and is added to each week. I’m not ancient but in my lifetime I’ve never seen so much conflict all at once. It doesn’t take a theologian to see these things happening as Jesus said they would. But Jesus, understanding us so well and full of love reassured us with, “but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come”.

“There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.”

It is being reported that seismic activity has significantly increased throughout the earth in the last two years. There are famines throughout Africa and just this week I have read of two incidents of new volcanic activity right here on America’s soil. The earth is going through birth pains…

I have four children and have given birth three times (I have twins for those of you who are scratching your head at that one :))… so I know a little something about birth pains. During my pregnancies it was no mystery to those who saw me regularly that I was expecting. I seemed to increase in bulk each passing day as the life I carried inside of me grew. We prepared accordingly as that day approached. We didn’t know the exact day or hour I would give birth but we knew it was imminent. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. And when the pains finally began, we weren’t surprised or alarmed. We’d been expecting them.

Jesus and the New Testament writers talked about their being in the last days when they walked the earth. For decades, even centuries the cry has gone forth, "People get ready, Jesus is coming". For the last two thousand years the earth has been ‘expectant’. But have we grown sleepy in the waiting? Have we allowed ourselves to be dulled to the point that we have forgotten what we are waiting for? Will we become surprised and alarmed now that the birth pains have begun? Jesus said in Matthew 16:“2… “When evening comes, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,’ 3 and in the morning, ‘Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.’ You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times.”

During my pregnancies, in Lamaze class they taught us expectant mothers that there are stages of labor. You can be in the beginning stage of labor for several days or even weeks before active labor comes on. It’s uncomfortable but it’s not unbearable. But once active labor hits, the drama really begins. That’s the point in time where things start getting intense. The contractions get progressively harder and more painful as the body works to move the baby into the birth canal. It is an intensely painful, exhausting, even violent event that culminates in the exhilaration of joy and life.

It doesn’t take a Bible scholar to recognize what is happening right now. We cannot turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper without seeing these things spoken about 2,000 years ago playing out right before our eyes in 2011. And my friend the word says that this is just the BEGINNING of the birth pains. It's really a wonder and a tragedy that the majority of Churches have virtually ignored this subject when Jesus talked about it an awful lot in the four Gospels that recorded his words.

Let's face it nobody really looks forward to tough times, I certainly don't. But I am of the opinion that our view of the 'end of the age' really says a lot about us. There have been times in my life when I've really been excited about the return of Jesus to the earth and I could truly cry out from the depths of my heart,"Come Lord Jesus". But honestly there have also been times in my life, when thoughts of the end times have struck fear in my heart. Why? Because I was afraid of hardship and loss? Partly. But mainly it was because at the time I just simply loved the world as it was... In my heart I might have said "Take Your time Lord. We are prospering right now. I've got these plans I want to fulfill. This really isn't that bad." That is a dangerous place to be and it is where many will find themselves when the end comes. Like Lot's wife, who along with her husband and daughters had to be literally dragged from that wicked place because they were reluctant to be rescued (and we all know what happened to her as she looked back longingly at what God called abhorent) , many will long for this world and will be content to be swept away in that comfortably wide flood of delusion. I for one want to be awake and expectant and longing for the Bridegroom to come for me.

But as our hearts, along with the earth groans for God to make things right, we can know that we are highly favored to be living in such a time as this. How blessed we are to get to participate in the great End Times Harvest and to possibly behold with our own eyes the physical return of the Son of God! Wow! But I get ahead of myself... :)

(Stay tuned for Part 2)

Our all in all

2011-01-22T17:53:00.004-06:00

I know I’m a little late but Happy New Years everyone! For the sixth (I think) year in a row, I welcomed in the New Year at the Onething conference in Kansas City, Missouri. I hadn’t planned to go actually but at the last minute friends offered the share of a ride and a hotel room, so after much frantic packing the next day, off I went. As usual, it was awesome. I came back refreshed, refilled and hungry for more… During the conference, the Lord clearly highlighted to me what my focus is to be this year. It’s been confirmed almost everywhere I turn. I love it when the Lord does that kind of stuff. I’ll hopefully share more on that in the days to come…

For now I’ll share something I wrote a few years ago that I ran across today while going through my documents. Although it’s not exactly what the Lord has had me focused on lately, it is along the same line. This definitely could be expounded on and I may at a later date, but for now I thought I’d share it, as is. So here it is:

Jeremiah 17: 5 "This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

We often read of the negative effect on us for making someone or something other than God our all-in-all,. We will be cursed, snared, etc... but have you ever thought about the negative effect it has on the one placed by us in God's rightful place? How can they ever live up to the expectations that only God can meet? How can they ever provide for what only God can provide? They are doomed to failure, judgment and disapproval, no matter how hard they try. They are destined to disappoint no matter their love and good intentions. Their failure is certain. They are the created. Only the Uncreated can get it right. Just another example of how our sin effects more than us.

I have felt the pain of failure, at not meeting another's expectations. I don't want to do that to anyone... But imagine the Lord's pain when we look to others before Him... I do it all the time... When will I learn?

The fire has been turned up... Ouch. He's shaking what can be shaken in our lives. The dead branches in our souls are being shaken loose and they are meant for the fire. His holy all-consuming fire. It doesn't feel like it, but its a good thing. A very good thing. So come Lord Jesus... Take your place.

Sean's Hope

2011-01-12T15:30:00.005-06:00

Last night, at 8:45 pm, our friend Sean, stepped over that invisible threshold into eternity. As his wife Jen put it, ‘he breathed his last breath on this earth and his first in heaven’. The shell that housed his spirit was spent, yet Sean lives on. He is not dead, but alive in Christ. He is experiencing sights and sounds that we cannot even fathom at this very moment. He is looking at Jesus! Wow. He is beholding the actual Jesus in bodily form. Sean sees Him right now. I wonder what they are saying? I wonder what they are doing? One day we will know what that’s like. Those who know Jesus will know. Death where is your sting? Grave where is your victory? He’s alive. He’s alive. He is risen! When Jesus died on the cross, Satan thought he had beaten Him. For a brief moment Satan and his demons rejoiced. They had defeated the King of kings. But that moment was swallowed up in horror as their eyes beheld Him, bursting into their dark domain, triumphant, victorious, ALIVE, snatching the keys of Death, Hell and the Grave from them. And Jesus arose and ascended to His Father, forever ruining Satan’s plan. And for those of us, who know Jesus, for those of us who have made Him our Lord and Savior, death is not a tragic end. It is just a step…from this world into the next, secured by the cross. We have a hope. And His name is Jesus. For there is one God and one mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus. He gives eternal life to those who believe on Him. Without Him we are destined to eventual death and hell. Jesus is our only hope. And it is this Hope that Sean knew personally and that is comforting Jen and her boys right now. They know that they WILL see Sean again. Please keep Jen and her boys in prayer right now. Jen misses her husband and those boys miss their Daddy. But though they grieve, they are not without Hope. Please friends, if you do not know Jesus, you can know Him today. Believe on Him. Turn from your sins and give your life to Him. He gave His for you. He will wash all your sins away and come live in you by His Spirt...and you will live forever… just like Sean. I leave you with the lyrics of this awesome song. God bless!

IN CHRIST ALONE

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

The Grace Ticket

2010-12-15T21:34:00.027-06:00

Well hallelujah our kiddos have arrived from Missouri. We will have a house full for Christmas and it’s going to be fun. Its always sort of bittersweet to have them here because I know that it isn't going to last and they are going to leave soon, but I’m choosing to enjoy the now and to not think of tomorrow. And we are truly thankful for our 'now' because there just seems to be so much tragedy going on in the world right now. Not just in the news but with people we know. It always puts whatever I’m struggling with in perspective and makes me thankful for those precious ones in my life.

Have you ever looked at a tragic situation and thought, “I don’t know how they are dealing with this. I just couldn’t do it. I just could not handle this if it happened to me.”? A friend and I were having such a conversation recently and we were basically saying these very things. And I was reminded of a story I read years ago told in THE HIDING PLACE by Corrie ten Boom. One night when she was a little girl, as her sweet Daddy was tucking her into bed, she became overwhelmed with the fearful thought of what if he were to die.

(As told in THE HIDING PLACE). “I burst into tears, “I need you!” I sobbed. “You can't die! You can't!” “Corrie,” he began gently. “When you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?” “Why, just before we get on the train.” “Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”

Years later during World War II this came to Corrie's mind as her entire family was rounded up and sent to a concentration camp for hiding Jews in Nazi-occupied Holland. And even through their suffering and the death of her father and sister, God’s strength was there when she needed it and she was not overcome by her circumstances. She did ‘handle it’ when it needed to be handled, but only by the grace of God.

I read THE HIDING PLACE when I was a little girl and as a fear-prone child, this story particularly comforted and ministered to me. I have never, ever forgotten the lesson of this story and it has been proven true to me over and over again and I've seen it proven in the lives of others.

In December 1994, the Navy moved us to Hawaii. Christmas found us living in a hotel suite with two small children and me in the middle of a difficult pregnancy. I loved my own children with all of my heart but I’d never been one of those women whose heart melted at the sight of a baby or who as a girl had gladly volunteered my babysitting services nor as a mother had I ever been overly confident in my child rearing abilities. So every pregnancy, although greeted with great joy was also greeted with a fair amount of trepidation at the great responsibility entrusted to us. I never felt worthy or capable of such a sacred task. And I was especially anxious to have my third baby so far away from my support base of family, friends and church. I just didn’t have a whole lot of faith in myself to efficiently run a household while capably handling three small children and homeschooling my eldest all day long while Keith was at work. The very thought of it greatly overwhelmed me. Yet despite these worries, we had a wonderful Christmas together as a family of four in our hotel room.

Then sometime after Christmas, I went for my ultrasound.

I should have known something was up when the ultrasound tech took one look at my ultrasound and announced, “excuse me I have to get a second opinion” then promptly left the room. But I can honestly say, this didn’t alarm me at all. For once, my overactive, worse-case-scenario thought-process didn’t kick into high gear. I don’t remember thinking anything at all as a matter of fact. Keith wisely kept any concerns he may have had to himself because he knew better. So when Mr. Second Opinion casually commented, “Yep, there’s two babies in there. You’re having twins Mrs. Johnson.” I nearly fell off the examining table. This was impossible. This was inconceivable. Other women had twins- calm, capable, confident women. Not me. Definitely not me. However for a brief holy moment, a sense of awe came over me as if God had especially blessed us with this ‘double portion’. However just as quickly the awe left and panic set in.. "Twins God? Me God? Are You serious?" But the fact remained that for some odd reason God DID choose me to be the mother of twins and it has forever convinced me that He definitely has a sense of humor. :)

That night as I lay in bed, a thousand different scenarios of taking care of two babies at once were played out in my head.
What if they both were crying at the same time. What if they both needed their diaper changed at the same time. How would I choose? What if we were in public and they both needed me. How would I carry them both? Could I take care of two babies by myself while Keith was at work? And what about my other two children? Would they feel neglected? And when would I ever find the time to homeschool? Would I ever be able to go to the grocery store again?
These kind of thoughts made sleep impossible and worked me into a panic. But as I frantically questioned God about this, he reminded me of the train ticket story. And as sure as I’ve ever known, the Lord spoke to my heart at that moment and He said (basically),

“Kayla, my grace is sufficient for you. Right now you are picturing and worrying about things in the future that you aren’t facing now. You are pregnant now. You need my grace for that, not for handling two babies at once. When you have your two babies, that particular grace will be yours as well. But you won’t have it until the exact moment you need it. So quit worrying and looking ahead and deal with today. Relax and trust in me. My grace IS sufficient”.

I cannot tell you the peace and relief that flooded my soul at that moment. I breathed a prayer of gratitude and turned over and fell fast asleep. And from that moment forward a confidence and excitement stirred in my soul. I was even more overjoyed when I found out I was having a boy AND a girl. Although my pregnancy was difficult and I almost delivered early several times, I had an abiding peace because I KNEW no matter what we faced, that ticket would be there when needed. And after they were born, although yes it was often difficult having two babies at once, I think I was more relaxed with the twins as babies than I was with my older two. They truly were and continue to be a double blessing and have been a genuine delight to their dad and I.

God was true to His word and His grace was there when I needed it.

Since that time when God’s ‘grace ticket’ was there for me, I have observed it handed out countless times, at the moment of much more serious needs. I watched our friend George Waites, who while battling pancreatic cancer faced his mortality with God’s peace and a sense of humor. I watched his wife and children walk through that valley with strength and an eternal perspective while proclaiming the goodness of God in the midst of loss and grief. I’ve seen my sister and brother-in-law’s faith and perseverance as they’ve never stopped pursuing God in the midst of dealing with the difficulties and delights of raising their autistic son. And right now I’m watching my friends Jen and Sean face Sean’s terminal cancer and the heartbreaking prognosis that he may not be here by Christmas Day to spend it with their two young sons. And I’m seeing them face this trauma with a gratitude for each precious day together and with a strength that defies explanation.

God’s train ticket of grace is there when we need it to face something that we could never imagine facing before. And like the manna, it is for each day-one day at a time. It doesn’t make things easy and it doesn’t take away the pain, but somehow it is sufficient to bear what would otherwise crush those who have made the Lord their hope. But don’t expect to understand today what you may or may not face tomorrow.Each day has enough trouble of its own. If we’re ever called upon to face something unimaginable, rest assured that grace ticket will be handed to us by our loving Father at the very moment we get on the train, but not a moment before.

2 Cor 12: 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

And please say an extra prayer for our friends Sean and Jen Coffey. Please pray for a miracle and that if it’s God’s will Sean will be here to spend Christmas Day with his beautiful wife and two little boys. But that whatever the Lord chooses, that His‘grace ticket’ would be there exactly when they need it for whatever they will be called upon to face, as promised.

I pray that you each have a very, very Merry Christmas.
God bless you all.

Pilgrimages & other stuff

2010-12-11T19:41:00.013-06:00

My Birthday/Thanksgiving visit to St. Louis.

Me and my eldest Haley

Me and my Max

Hannah's Thanksgiving buck

How my hunters celebrated Thanksgiving

Josephs Thanksgiving buck

Keith's big buck

Long time no blog. I’m not sure why October was my banner month for blogging but I seem to have hit a wall in November. Going to try to redeem myself in December I guess. :)
So here’s what's been happening while I’ve been blogless.

Well I celebrated (ha!) a birthday in November. Birthdays these days aren’t as much fun or as anticipated as they once were. This year, because of some circumstances in my life at the time, I admit I faced my birthday with a fair amount of dread. Silly, I realize. I even realized it at the time which made it that much worse. I knew that I should be very grateful for my blessed life and even for my age. But the melancholy persisted so I took it to the Lord and as promised, He heard my cry and answered me. I ended up having a very pleasant day, with a thankful heart for the life God has given me.

But afterwards as I contemplated the emotional contortions I'd just experienced I had to ask- what was that all about? And the answer I came up with was basically this: hope deferred. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” I think most of us have had our own personal ‘hope deferred” at one time or another. We’ve all had dreams not fulfilled, crushing disappointments, that particular something we’d hoped for that didn’t come to pass. I’ve definitely had my share throughout my life. But as I once again marked time with another birthday, it just seemed to hit me that my dreams were becoming more unlikely with each passing year. The cushion of time that kept me hopeful in youth, was now gone. No, I’m aware that I’m not ancient and those older than me will probably say, “Good grief, get a grip woman, you still have lots of time!” Okay, okay, I agree. But this dawning realization of my own mortality was not an overall negative thing in the end. It just birthed a curious determination in me to understand some things once and for all. And although I know that the enemy of my soul was right there in the midst of my birthday angst, whispering despair into my ear, I believe the Lord DOES sometime allow and lead us into seasons of contemplation and sober evaluation.

I guess I'm in good company because King David also pondered, "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."Ps. 42:5.

I have had to ask myself- what is my hope? I mean really? I know the answer to that of course but I'm at the point of wanting to not just know the truth but to really experience it. I mean, I want to know Him in all of His glory and to walk in His fullness, experiencing His resurrection power. I want to be aware and in awe of the fact that the Uncreated lives inside of me. I want to take Him at His word, to really trust Him, to live out these promises here on this earth and not just in the sweet by and by. So that’s where my birthday blahs led me: to set my heart on a pilgrimage for TRUTH.

Ps. 84: 1 "How lovely is your dwelling place, LORD Almighty! 2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.... 5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka (weeping), they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.[d] 7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion."

Well, for my birthday I got a plane ticket to go see my kids in St Louis for Thanksgiving. That was really great. I was gone an entire week from my sweet husband and my two youngest, so that was hard, but I really had some time of sweet fellowship with my older two and with the presence of the Lord. The Lord is really visiting Faith Chapel (my kid's church). His presence is tangible. I know we throw that around a lot “wow the presence of God was really there Sunday, blah, blah, blah”, but I mean to tell you THE PRESENCE OF GOD WAS THERE! I mean… really! Okay I know God is omnipresent, but there’s a weightiness of His presence at times that cannot be denied. In His manifest presence, I find that faith arises in my heart. I find that anything seems possible and my worries seem insignificant. There’s just no place I’d rather be. And this is how I long to live.

Anyhow I had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving in St Louis. I am so excited to see what the Lord is doing in and through my children. Lest you feel sorry for Keith and the twins for being home alone while I was off gallivanting in Missouri, waste no pity on them. They were having the time of their lives at a hunting camp in Texas. They celebrated Thanksgiving in their element- outdoors, surrounded by wildlife, in camo and with firearms. Yea boy- hate I missed it. :) But needless to say everyone had a great Thanksgiving doing their own thing. But we will all be together, under one roof once again for Christmas. It should be interesting with seven people and three dogs. I can’t wait!

Speaking of Christmas- here it is again. Every year, despite my resolve to not get so caught up in the stress, I still somehow to end up there. I am not going to lie and tell you that I have succeeded this year in keeping Christmas simple and centered on Jesus. But I have at least longed to marvel at the miracle of Christmas. I guess that is an improvement. I mean we’ve heard the story our whole lives and for most of us it has lost its wonder. But oh that we would be awakened afresh to the miracle of the incarnation.

That we would marvel at the Uncreated One sending His only Son Jesus from His home in glory to become one of us. That we would celebrate Jesus, born of a virgin just as it was foretold by the prophets; born to die for our sins. That we would be filled with wonder that He shed His blood and died a painful death on the cross for us; reconciling us to the Father, who was fully satisfied with His sacrifice. Oh that we would be amazed at His resurrection and His triumph over sin and death and His ascension to the right hand of God. That we would get excited that He is coming back for us. That we would weep at such love and be confident in such authority. And that our reasonable response to all this would be to present ourselves to Him as a living sacrifice, recognizing that we are not our own. We’ve been bought with the precious blood of Jesus. We are His. And it all began for us with Christmas, when that sweet little baby, fully God and fully man, was born in that manger in Bethlehem. A tangible, personal revelation of this is my prayer for myself, my family and for all of you. Because there WILL come a day when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord.

"He's not a baby in a manger anymore. He's not a broken man on the cross. He didn't stay in the grave and He's not staying in heaven forever"~Misty Edwards

And for those of us who have chosen to believe Him and to give ourselves to Him, when our eyes finally look upon Him in that day, we’re going to realize that He's all that's ever mattered! May we set our heart on a pilgrimage to know that and live our lives in light of that TODAY. He truly is the reason for everything... including Christmas :). Anyhow, may ya'll have a blessed, safe and awe-struck celebration.

Merry Christmas friends!

Warrior's Call pics

2010-11-08T15:05:00.001-06:00

Keith Mitchell sharing his incredible testimony

Well here are some long awaited photos of Warrior's Call 2010 held in Ruston Louisiana the weekend of October 15-16. The uncompromised word went forth that weekend and the Lord was glorified. We believe that generational strongholds were broken over Ruston as God's word was proclaimed.

My husband, Keith Johnson, bringing the word of God

Byron Earls bringing the Word, Saturday morning

Brother Stanley of Teen Challenge New Orleans also shared

The Teen Challenge guys especially blessed us with their testimonies and faithful witness of what the Lord had brought them through. They touched our hearts in a dramatic way. Keep these guys in prayer as they walk out their deliverance.

Justin Batterton of Teen Challenge giving his testimony

Teen Challenge lined up to testify

Worship led by Andy Richardson

The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth

2010-10-30T22:44:00.040-05:00

I’ve been so blessed and overwhelmed by the many views and the interest in Keith Mitchell’s testimony that I posted here. It really seemed to strike a chord with so many. The Lord has been highlighting to me the importance of a testimony. Testimonies bring the truth of Jesus and His relationship and care for ordinary people like us down to the experiential level that so often touches our hearts like nothing else. I remember often thinking since I got saved at age seven, that my testimony wouldn’t be very interesting to hear. Now granted I did regretfully backslide from my faith when I was a teenager and then I came back to the Lord later (and I don’t recommend this in order to have a more interesting testimony =) but to me my testimony didnt' seem extraordinary enough to help anyone. But I have found through the years as I've shared my little story that there IS power in a simple testimony of God’s salvation and His kindness towards us. Like the 'begging bowl' story I shared in a previous post, it's not so much our story, as the presence of Jesus when we share Him and proclaim His truth that changes lives. We each are different and our unique testimony (no matter how dramatic or simple) has the power to touch others with hope and to direct them to Jesus.
Rev. 12:11 says “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.”

Right now I’m reading two books at the same time that are both testimonies. I first read I Dared to Call Him Father by Bilquis Sheikh probably 20 years ago and it had a profound impact on my life. And today as I read it again, it’s still impacting me with insight and conviction. It’s the amazing story of how the Lord supernaturally revealed Himself to a wealthy Pakistani woman. Having been raised a Muslim in an Islamic nation, she knew absolutely nothing about Christianity. She had no frame of reference whatsoever to influence or to teach her. But through the best teachers available-the Holy Spirit and the Bible- she came to understand, to believe and to walk out her Christianity as she saw it in the word of God while living in a culture that was hostile to it. This lady truly lived what Paul talked about in Phil 3:8 “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ”.

But it really hit home to me how that here in the West, being a Christian requires so little sacrifice; where in other cultures, being identified with Christ (through baptism in particular) could mean at the very least, being ostracized and at the most, losing your life. It would be easy to think, "wow it is so much better to be a Christian here in America. We really have it good". But as I contemplate the simplicity and purity of this woman’s faith, unfiltered by culture, tradition or religion, (she learned truth straight out of the Bible-imagine that!), and as I ponder the vibrancy and wonder of her childlike relationship with the Lord, I have to ask myself-- are we truly better off? Don’t get me wrong, I am SO thankful for the freedom of religion that we enjoy in this nation and the easy access we have to the Bible, to church and to Christian resources. I am so thankful to be born in a nation that was founded on Godly principals. But I have been struck with the realization of how overall the Western Church today is failing to teach, exhort and adhere to the unaltered truth of the whole Word of God. A social culture of Christianity has developed over time where ‘being a Christian’ in this day and age requires very little and doesn't look much different from the world. We tend to know more about the traditions of our denominations than about what the Bible really says. 'Being a Christian' in our nation has become more about statistical information (married, white, female...Christian) than about something worth dying for. The 'truth' has been watered down so much in order to be unoffensive or politically correct that it's hardly recognizable anymore, while many of us have come to expect on Sunday, something that makes us feel good, lifts our self-esteem or shows us how to get ahead. The holiness preachers of old who preached about sin, judgment, repentance and the fear of the Lord are now often viewed with amusement while those who still adhere to the whole counsel of God are labeled as ‘legalistic’. The surprising attitude of many churches in this day and age seems to be, “The cross? The blood of Jesus? Sin? Hell? Those things might offend someone or make them uncomfortable (or worse, they might leave our church) so let’s just talk about all of the blessings in the Bible. Let’s just focus on the positive things”. Some have even taken down their crosses in order to be more 'seeker friendly'! Can you imagine what those in other countries who are gladly risking their lives in order to serve Christ must think of this?

(Added 11/1/10) Somewhere along the way we have lost the trembling holy fear of the Lord. Please understand that I'm not talking about a works-based legalism or an ungodly type fear which can be very damaging. But perhaps in our effort to counterbalance legalism, we've become way too casual with God and way too liberal with His Word. The subtle softening and the careless wielding of truth isn't as obviously alarming as the blaring all-out assault coming against absolute truth that we are seeing in our nation today. But friends it is just as dangerous, perhaps even more so, because it is coming from within the Church! And in these dark days (and they promise to get darker) if we, the Church won't proclaim absolute truth, who will? I realize that this isn’t ALL churches in the West, thank God. And down through history there always were faithful remnants who stood for truth. However this 'softer gospel' is alarmingly becoming the 'new normal' more and more and we must be careful to NOT be swept up in this flow.

And granted, there ARE lots of hurting people out there who desperately need encouragement and who need to know about God’s love. But until one is told the whole truth about their sin, they won’t fully appreciate the depths Love had to come to save them. Until one really understands that they are lost, they can’t truly recognize their need for a Savior. The full truth must be preached to have the full impact. Because regardless of how uncomfortable it may make us, it’s only the unapologetic truth that will set us free and change us. And that’s where we will find the real joy and the real peace that we have been searching for. The world's type of ‘peace’ won’t sustain us when our world is shaken. And at some point in our lives, our world WILL be shaken. We can count on that. But even in the shaking, if our anchor is in Jesus- Who is the Truth, it promises to hold. "So God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary." Heb 6:18-19

But we MUST know the whole truth for ourselves. This has just made me realize how much my beliefs have been influenced by what I've been told or by my heritiage, culture or traditions rather than the freshness of discovery in the Bible and intimate experience. I've been guilty of viewing the Bible through these very filters rather than seeing what He's actually saying. I so long to see the truth afresh like this precious Pakistani lady who discovered this priceless treasure in Christ and.who simply took God at His word. In Matthew 24 it tells of the last days, how there will be many who will come in the name of the Lord performing signs and wonders and many will be deceived. Without a clear understanding of the Word of God we have the potential to be deceived and drawn away from the Truth. In Acts 17 we are told of the Bereans who when they heard the word preached, searched the scriptures for themselves to make sure they were being taught truth. And a good pastor will encourage us to check out what he is preaching in God's word and if we find something contrary, to respectfully come and show him. We absolutely must know the Word ourselves and be able to discern and accurately proclaim the truth, especially in these last days.

Now friends on another (although similar) note, please don't forget to vote this next week. I pray that you will vote in favor of those who best uphold absolute (not watered-down or incomplete) Biblical truth.

Let me briefly share some of the thoughts I just heard in a message on voting by Lou Engle. (Not all are direct quotes unless in quotation marks). Lou says, "Voting is a prophetic act of justice". He says we have a moral obligation, a mandate, to cast our vote for righteousness and justice. If God's people would take a stand in these upcoming elections, we could help restrain, to hold back the wave of lawlessness coming against our nation. In this democracy of ours we get the privilege of participating in governing by...voting. Voting is an act of conscience. It is not a political choice, but it is a prophetic witness to a higher king and a higher law. Elected officials are the elected conscience of the nation. Did Hitler personally kill the millions of Jews in the Holocaust? No, but he killed by decree. In the same way, in our silence and in our voting for pro-choice candidates, we are responsible for the shedding of innocent blood by decree.

So please, vote according to TRUTH. And pray for those in authority and for our governement. (1 Tim 2:2).

My prayer is that we would see Truth, unfiltered and alive, as if for the very first time. "Open my eyes, that I may see Wondrous things from Your law". (Ps 119:18). Despite the traditions of men that have influenced us and despite the the watered-down doctrines that have confused us, may we now truly know, proclaim and obey the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! So help us God!

God bless and have a great week :). KHJ

P.S. I am experimenting with my blog template so until I am settled on one, it is likely to change... often :).

Keith Mitchell's Testimony

2010-10-22T15:49:00.040-05:00

(L to R- Keith Mitchell, Leanne Mitchell, me, Keith Johnson-my husband :)

In my last blog post I mentioned our good friend Keith Mitchell's testimony that he shared at Warrior's Call which blessed me so much. I have asked him to share his story with us and he sent me this to share with you. God has done so much in this dear brother's life. I am so excited to have the opportunity for him to share this with you in his own words. He is proof that no one has gone too far or is in too deep for the Lord to redeem, transform and restore. It's NEVER too late! There is HOPE in God alone. His love is so much greater than our mistakes and sin. Read and be encouraged and blessed! :)
Kayla

My Testimony

Have you ever been so addicted to something you get physically sick? Or at just the sight of it makes your stomach churn to the point of losing control of your bowels? The very sight of it and you can actually taste it. Having to have one more hit of it, or else you know what’s coming, the shakes. You know you have to have more of it, but you have run out of money, to the point of stealing from your wife and your parents. Taking your 1 year olds diaper money and formula money and smoking it up in a crack house. I have spent endless hours on my knees looking for a crumb of crack on the carpet in my bedroom, just to return back to my wallet to find an empty wallet. I’ve done the unthinkable, I’ve gone to the pawn shop and pawned off all my guns, my rings, my wife’s rings, golf clubs etc. I have done all these things. And never gave two thoughts about it at the time. I had to have my drugs to keep from getting physically sick.

June 7th 1982 my baby brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was my only sibling. Greg and I were very close. As close as any brothers could possibly be without being twins joined together at the hip at birth. We really shared many wonderful hours growing up hunting and fishing together. The love I had for my baby brother was awesome; in his eyes I could do no wrong. He was really good for my already inflated ego. We fought like all brothers do and I could kick his tail but I wasn’t about to let no one else do it. When Greg died, a huge part of me died too.

About 3 or 4 weeks after Greg died I tried cocaine for the first time. I absolutely loved the feeling. It took some of the pain of losing Greg away. And so I stayed medicated all the time. I have never been too afraid anything and so I wasn’t afraid to try harder drugs. I will go ahead and tell you some of the drugs that consumed me: Cocaine, Crack Cocaine, Heroin, Chrystal Meth, Ecstasy, Mescaline, Oxycotyn, Ghb, Wetdaddy, aka (weed dipped in embalming fluid), LSD, and many others. Lots of prescription drugs. It’s really sad to look back on my life and to see all the unproductive years I wasted.

I remember going to a party one night one night where there were tons of people and me and a couple of friends went into the parent’s bathroom and raided their medicine cabinet. They had lots of pain meds and I was already high on LSD and cocaine. Someone said that the cops were there and so we ran. When they Law found me I had become entangled up in a 6 foot bob wired fence hanging upside down. I had apparently been hanging there for a good while. My heart stopped beating on the way to the Hospital. I was in ICU for days. On another occasion I had been up for 3 or 4 days smoking crack locked down in a hotel room. I had a bottle of valium, bottle of wine, and a whole bunch of crack cocaine. I had become extremely paranoid and thought that the drug enforcement officials were coming to arrest me, and so I jumped through a window and ran. I was so scared I ran down a hill looking back to see where they were at. When I turned around I ran face first into a huge oak tree knocking myself out. I hit the tree so hard both shoes came off. My father found them the next day. I ran barefoot down the railroad tracks cutting my feet to pieces. I had to have 72 stitches in my left foot and 74 stitches in my right foot. I also had stitches in my forehead. That night I almost bled to death, once again I awoke to find paddle marks on my chest where they shocked my heart to keep me alive.

And there are many other really sad stories about my drug use. I had my cocaine dealer hand me a Gideon’s Bible one night. I pulled up to his house to pick up an ounce of cocaine. That’s when he pushed the Bible on me. I was really mad at the time. I told him he was the one who should read the Bible because he was dealing dope, he responded, “Brother you’re not going to be around very long you had better read this”. I threw the bible on the back seat and drove away.

Six to eight months later I wound up in New Orleans, Louisiana, divorced from the woman I truly loved, the mother of my 6 year old son whom I adored. I had once again lost everything. I was no stranger to ruined relationships I was married before and even had two beautiful little girls from that marriage years before. And so now after one rehab to another, someone mentioned a place called Teen Challenge, a discipleship ministry. I was going to have to stay at the place in the lower 9th ward for a year- whatever! There was no way I was going to spend a year at this place!

I was coming down off of heroin when I got there. I had been shooting heroin and cocaine for months. I wasn’t actually in the mood to communicate with others. I was mad at the world. I wanted to get high. After a couple of days the executive director of Teen Challenge pulled me in his office and said to me, “What’s your problem brother Keith?” I remember telling him my problem was I wanted to get high and that I was getting ready to bolt. He said, “That’s not going to stop your problem”. I then asked him what made this rehab any different from the rest. I think Brother Greg was offended, because he was quick to let me know that Teen Challenge was not a rehab. In fact he grabbed a dictionary and turned to the word rehabilitate. He pointed to the word and said to repeat the definition. It said something to the effect of this: “Rehabilitate is to bring something or someone back to its former state.” I remember Brother Greg looking me dead in the eye and saying, “Keith why in the world would you want to be rehabilitated back to your former self? Your former self had you shooting dope and smoking crack & amp; meth”. He said that at Teen Challenge I would receive a renewing of my mind and I would find the Lord and have a relationship with Jesus. I told him that I could care less about Jesus. I just wanted to stop the dope. But I decided to give this place a chance. I wasn’t exactly thrilled because the other guys that were there were always walking around praying, listening to Christian music and smiling.

Meanwhile I was having very tough nights with bad sweats and changing my sheets on my bed every night. Teen Challenge was tough. It is designed to break you down and teach you responsibility at the same time teaching you the Infallible Word of God. I reckon I had been there about 3 weeks. It was March 10, 2003, Brother Sampson, the Dean of Students, had just finished teaching a class and I remember something he said. He said that there was going to come a time in our lives when we come to a crossroads. And we were going to have to make a decision to either live a Godly life or to continue to live a life wandering in the wilderness and serving Satan, who we had been serving and living for our whole lives. He said that if we would surrender our hearts to Christ Jesus, we would have true peace, the kind of peace and joy that we had never known before.

Brother Sampson had been preaching God’s word for weeks and slowly the word had begun to minister to my heart. I had been so angry for years at a God that I didn’t even know. I was very bitter because of losing Greg, and being a victim of an ongoing drug addiction that I couldn’t get out of. I wanted to inflict pain and misery on everyone else around me because of a rage that came from deep inside the very core of my soul. I hated life, and my desire was for my life to end. I had laid awake many nights in my bed wishing I were dead, but was too ashamed to actually pull the trigger. I would lie there thinking about my kids. I would ask myself over and over why I was so weak, and I would tell myself that I was a useless human being and that I was so pathetic and I was getting what I deserved. I was truly selfish. I’d say, “If you are there God please kill me. I’m tired of living this way”. Then I would think to myself, “This is not happening to me! I’m a good guy”. I really liked life and loved people and loved my mom and pop, my beautiful babies. “What has happened to me? Where did I go? Who have I become? I’m lost!”

Brother Sampson left the room that morning after class he said “Guys you can put on some praise and worship music. You guys pray for one another and spend this time quietly”. I will never forget the song that had come on; it was “Open the Floodgates of Heaven” by Michael W Smith. That song was playing and those same guys who had been praying for me for weeks were praying and singing quietly. I started to weep. Then I began to ask Jesus to come into my heart. I was asking God to forgive me for everything in my life that I had done wrong. I remember asking Jesus to take away the taste of dope out of my mouth because I was still having withdrawals from the heroin. Well my brothers there in the room heard me crying. They all came over to me and laid their hands on me and were crying and weeping with me. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. I felt the love of God for the first time. It was amazing! The rest of the day was awesome. I felt like I was clean for the first time in my life. I knew that something was different but I couldn’t explain it. There was definitely something different about me.

That night I was lying in my bed. At Teen Challenge there are 12 beds in one of the rooms upstairs. (You know like the 12 apostles). As I was lying there and I began to ask God how he could forgive me for all the bad stuff that I had done. I was so excited all that day, I had been trying to remember all the sins I could remember so God would forgive me for each one. The numbers were way too high and so that’s why I was asking the Lord how he could forgive me for all my sins. I personally have heard 2 times in my life voices that I know were not of this world. The first was Satan, one night when I was trying to go to bed after being on a 3 or 4 day binge and as I lay in bed one night I heard a voice whisper in my ear, “I gotcha, you can’t quit! You will never quit!” That really scared me to death. But this was the other time as I was lying there that night feeling so good about my new relationship with our Lord and Savior. I asked him how could he forgive me. And this time it was a different voice, a good and gentle voice. It was as if he had knelt down beside me and whispered, “My child, I love you so much that I would go to any length to reach you. I even used your drug dealer one night to get my word to you!” Then I remembered back to when my dope dealer had given me the Gideon’s Bible. Once again I was crying so hard that I rolled out of my bed and began to weep uncontrollably and then all of my brothers jumped out of their beds and came to me and were there again crying with me. I had not felt the Love of God before and so this was all very new to me. And it felt amazing. My time at Teen Challenge was the best year of my life. It was the most productive for sure. The ministers there are men of God that I still seek Godly council from.

When I came back to my home town, I quickly found myself plugged into a good Church and surrounded myself with good and solid Christians. I had no idea what God was about to do in my life. As I told you before the love of my life had left me. She was the woman that I had considered my soulmate. She was actually seeing someone and it was pretty serious. I was sad when I found this out while I was in Teen Challenge. She asked me to be happy for her because she had found someone who was good to her. She said that if I had truly changed that I would want this for her. And so I thought about it and said “Wow this is a real test here isn’t it Lord”. I had been telling myself for months now, that I was seeking God that I was happy being inside of him and he was first and him only. Well I was really hurt because I guess somewhere back in the back of mind and heart I was hoping that Leanne and I would somehow work things out. And now it was apparent she was going to be out of my life forever. So from that moment on I would pray for her happiness. I asked God to bless her relationship with her boyfriend Ben. And I did so every day for the next four months. Well one night at Mount Grace, (that is in Dodson, La) during the second phase of Teen Challenge, I was lying there asleep when I felt something like hit me in the side. It was like I was kicked in the ribs by a mule or something. And it was as clear as a bell. “Keith Mitchell what are you doing praying for that relationship between your wife and some guy who may not take the woman of your dreams and your little boy to church. What in the world are you doing?” So I quickly hit my knees and prayed, “Lord if that man is going to have my wife and little boy in your House serving you and if and only if she is going to be truly happy, then I pray that you bless that relationship”.

And so the months pass and I come home and I am in church and Leanne is I guess watching me from afar to see if this is real. One day she stops by the house to drop Kade off and she just happens to mention that she is not as happy as she once was. She actually asked me what she should do. I said “Hey listen I can’t get involved in this. That is going to have to be between you and the Lord”. The next day she came over and said, “I did it”. I said you “Did what?” She said “I broke it off with Ben”. I waited until she wasn’t looking and I said “YESSS! Thank you Lord!” You see I remember that verse in the Bible where God says “If you seek me I will return all that the locust and canker worm hath devoured from you”. Not some but all things.

God has been so very good to me. I am truly a very blessed man. I love Jesus and I pray that he will create a pure heart within me and put a steadfast spirit in me. Leanne and I were remarried on Dec, 2nd 2003. We have a new addition to our little family, Mary-Micah Mitchell, the little blessing from our Loving Father! She is the apple of her daddy’s eyes. I have 4 beautiful children and an amazing woman who loves the Lord. Who am I, who has seen the ugly things of this world and been in places that would make a billygoat puke, and was so wrapped up in sin, that only a true and real God that loves his children so much would and could reach down and pick me up and set my feet back on solid ground.

There is so much more to this story that I couldn’t possibly put it in here. Maybe I will put it in a book that will somehow give some poor soul that is going through what I went through some hope. Because there is hope and what’s more there is a promise in the book of Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I am Keith Mitchell and this is my Testimony.
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My begging bowl

2010-10-18T21:10:00.016-05:00

(In this photo Keith J and Keith M at Warrior's Call)

This past weekend my husband ministered along with several anointed men of God at an event in our home town of Ruston called Warrior’s Call. To put on such an event was something none of them had ever done before. There was worship, preaching and testimonies. It was in the town square at Railroad Park. It had been advertised for weeks. We went in without really knowing what we were doing or why. But this event seemed to have a momentum of its own as Keith’s spoken dreams and ideas quickly snowballed into reality. We knew God was involved because Keith really had little to do with it coming together. He just threw the idea of it out there and his friend Keith Mitchell believed in him, believed in the idea and took the ball and ran with it. It was an organized fact before my Keith could have second thoughts.

Here’s a quick run-down of how the schedule looked. Friday night we had worship with Andy Richardson and his team. Then Keith Mitchell (who I’ll now call KM to avoid confusion with so many Keiths :) gave his amazing testimony and my Keith preached. Then Saturday, there was worship and Byron Earls preached. Lunch. Fellowship. Teen Challenge testimonies. More worship. Then Keith preached again. The presence of the Lord was there and the word went forth clearly with boldness, power and authority. None of the guys held anything back.

There’s so much I want to tell about this weekend and so many layers to it that there’s no way I can do it all justice in this one blog post. There’s so much I want to share about the precious people who worked so hard to put this thing together. I want to share about special friends who came just to hear KM’s testimony, to hear my Keith preach or just to see us. Oh my if I got started on sharing how those precious Teen Challenge guys touched everyone's hearts, that’d be a couple of blog posts alone. Then there’s how the Lord encouraged my husband and really confirmed (as if he needed confirmation) his obvious anointing to preach and to prophesy. Ruston can have no doubt that this weekend a prophet was in their midst. So this will not be the only blog about Warrior’s Call. But before I lose the freshness of it, I want to share a particular personal part of this weekend that is being highlighted in my heart just now.

I once heard a testimony of this lady who was a minister in England. Before a particular preaching event the Lord gave her a vision. In it, she saw herself speaking to a group of beggars who held begging bowls in their hands. As she preached, she saw Jesus walk up to each beggar and place something in each bowl. It was something unique to each one. The lady who had the vision was very encouraged by this vision and began to look forward with expectancy to her upcoming preaching event. The day of the event arrived and as this lady approached the platform to minister she looked out, expecting to see the needy people of her vision. Instead she saw beautifully dressed, affluent people. She thought to herself, “These people aren’t beggars.” She gave her talk. She felt that it was unremarkable and that she did it quite badly. But as she spoke she looked out to see tears running down the faces of the people listening. She saw the proud people’s hearts softening as she spoke. And she realized, it wasn’t her words that were touching them. It was Jesus. He was there. Her vision had been accurate. These beautiful people truly were the beggars of her vision. Despite their affluence they were very needy. And Jesus was tenderly giving each one something different but unique to them and exactly what they needed.

I told Keith this story before Warrior’s Call. He said he’d actually thought about it too. Not that I thought he’d preach badly like the lady of the story did, but I believed that Jesus would be there and He’d make the difference in peoples lives no matter how the speakers did. And of course each speaker did incredibly and Jesus was definitely there touching lives. But this weekend, I was one of those beggars with a bowl whose lives were ministered to. Jesus placed something specific to only me in my little bowl. The Lord touched many more than just me, but I’d like to attempt to share my own unique perspective and personal experience- the contents of my own personal ‘begging bowl’.

Keith and I are no strangers to ministry but when I heard that Warrior’s Call would be held in our old hometown of Ruston, I was a bit concerned. First there’s that scripture about a prophet not being welcome in his hometown and Ruston is a proud, affluent, religious old town to boot. Plus it is where the vast majority of our extended family resides- parents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and our oldest friends. Not to mention that Ruston also is the geographical location of where my family fell apart and where I drifted the farthest from my Lord. Despite all that the Lord has done in and through my life these last 27 years, I still had some Ruston baggage. So I didn’t know what to expect from Ruston, or from myself. But Warrior’s Call was obviously something God was putting together, for many different reasons, some I don’t yet know and some I still don’t understand. However, I do know one reason God had it in Ruston was for me. He wanted to get rid of that Ruston baggage once and for all.

Now maybe this will make sense to no one but me, but I’ll try to explain. I left Ruston right out of high school and except for one year in the past 27 I have lived far away. We go home a couple of times a year and we rarely see anyone but family. But despite the years I’ve been gone, in my mind Ruston is frozen in time. Everyone is as I left them 27 years ago. Of course in reality I know this isn’t so. I have facebook. I’ve seen the wrinkles and receding hairlines. I realize that former goofballs are now parents and responsible citizens. But I guess since everyone was frozen in time in my own mind, I assumed I was frozen in my unregenerate state in theirs as well. Despite all of the restoration to my soul over the years, a little piece of that former shame still remained and was awakened every time we’d cross over into those city limits. But God knew and He knew what I needed.

God works in mysterious ways and He knew that I needed to hear the testimony of an old friend. I heard the testimony of someone who knew me back when. He knew the kind of person I was, but like me, he has changed. He had a much harder road than I ever had. He’s been to hell and back and the Lord saved him, delivered him of his addictions, healed him of his brokenness, restored to him love, acceptance, family, respect. The Lord gave him beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for his mourning. I am reminded of that song Restoration. “You’ve taken my shame. You’ve called me by a new name. You’ve taken my pain and in it’s place You gave me joy. You bring restoration to my soul”. That’s what the Lord’s done in me and that’s what the Lord has done in our friend KM.

Now I don’t totally understand it, but KM’s testimony exposed a lie planted in my heart by the enemy of my soul. It revealed the devil to be the liar that he is.

Rev. 12:10-11 “Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, "Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.

Satan is a liar and he is the father of lies. He cannot touch our inheritance. But what he can do is lie and accuse and convince us that the years we spent in sin have forever defined us and are set in stone in ours, others and God’s mind. If he can get us to believe this and his other lies, he can render us silent or too intimidated to step out into the fullness God has intended for our lives. I let him lie to me about this for far too long. Nobody’s sitting around remembering me how I was. Heck, nobody’s probably remembering me at all. It's been big only in my own mind, inflated by the father of lies . What freedom to finally see that!! The Lord confirmed this to me in many different ways this weekend.

So I want to say a big old thank you to our friend Keith Mitchell for being bold and for sharing his testimony of what the Lord has done in his life in our hometown. When we speak out and declare what the Lord has done, God’s light shines before men and before the heavenlies. Angels and demons heard that testimony too! I know the devil is hopping mad to have lost this one. I have a mental image of Jesus when he descended to snatch the keys of death from Satan, saying ‘HA! You thought you had me didn’t you? Well you didn’t! I am alive!!!” That’s what we do when we testify! Jesus shines forth. Satan cannot come into God’s light. His lies are exposed there. It’s in those dark shadows where we have not come into the light that he torments us. And when KM shared his testimony, that light of Christ shone on an area of darkness in my own heart and healed it.

So that’s what Jesus put in my begging bowl this weekend.

More to come on Warrior’s Call. So stay tuned….
Kayla

PS Please feel free to leave comments. Yes I do check my stats so I know I'm getting plenty of traffic. But comments simply make me happy. :) So let me hear from you. I like to know who you are and what you are thinking...
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Measuring Stick Repost

2010-10-11T21:48:00.007-05:00

I don't usually do this but I'm reposting something I posted a couple of years ago. It really goes with what I just shared about The Rules of Worth. As you can see, the Lord has been bringing this up alot lately in my life. I feel like I need to share it again for whatever reason... that it is pertinent for 'today'. Since it definitely is for me, I thought perhaps it might be for you too.... so here it is again.

Also, I'm really excited to have discovered the 'stats' feature on this blog and to discover I have more visitors here than I envisioned. I'm especially excited to have international visitors. Welcome! So fellow bloggers, if you have no comments, thats not a sign nobody's reading. Check your stats :).

God bless and let me know what the Lord is speaking to you. Kayla

Here's something simple that the Lord put on my heart the other day...Whose measuring stick are you measuring yourself with?
Are we measuring ourself (and others) with the world's measuring stick, or with God's measuring stick, according to His word?

So often we tend to look at our lives and feel like failures... Or I suppose some people might look at their lives and feel like a success... But the question rolling around in my head is... What is God's definition of success? What is God's definition of failure?

Even as Christians, I believe we have too often adopted a worldly perspective and even have allowed it into the Church... You have the Christian "celebrities" who grace the covers of Christian magazines, some deservedly so, but what does God think? How does He view this? I am not going to pretend to have the inside track on this, but it does cause me to look at what (and who) I tend to admire and to question it...

I think when we get to heaven, we're going to be in for some surprises... I read this in the New Living Translation this morning....

In Matthew 19:30 Jesus says about the Kingdom of God..."But many who seem to be important now will be the least important then , and those who are considered least here will be the greatest then."

When this life is history and eternity is now, how many big name ministers devoid of their bodyguards and entourage will be seated at the lowest place, while seated at the seat of honor will be the little old lady who sat in the back of the church, who received no fanfare when she entered the house of God, who prayed diligently for that big name minister and for the people of God and who served faithfully behind the scenes, where no one saw........but Him. Which of our works will be considered wood, hay and stubble and will be burned up... and what will be considered gold? I believe the wood, hay and stubble vs. the gold, silver and precious stones represent the heart's motive behind the works. Again- the world's measuring stick vs. God's measuring stick...

But on the other side of this same coin- How does our heavenly Father view us? What does His word say? We may not have much of what the world values... money, prestige, fame- but are we known in heaven? And in hell?

When the seven sons of Sceva were casting out demons "in the name of Jesus whom Paul preaches", the demons answered "Jesus, we know and Paul we know about, but who are you?!" and then promptly proceeded to jump on them and give them a good thrashing... (I always felt sorry for these poor dudes)... ....But the point is, Paul was known! In heaven AND in hell! Whoa! He was not a rich man, or a movie star, but he was great in God's sight! How are we viewed in heaven? I have to remind myself constantly... man's vote doesn't count in heaven... Only God's does! And guess what? He LOVES us and sent His Son to die for us. We are valuable enough to Him to warrant the precious blood of His Son!

As I was reading in Exodus for the hundredth time, the account of Moses being called, I saw something I'd never seen before... Moses obviously knew he was called... Although he'd been raised as a man of privilege in Pharaoh's own house, somehow he knew he was meant to deliver the children of Israel. But he went out on his own to try to help his fellow Israelites... When he saw one of the Hebrews being beaten by an Egyptian, he killed the Egyptian... The next day he saw two Hebrews fighting and he tried to correct his fellow Hebrews... but their response to him was, "Who do you think you are?" and they proceeded to tell him that they knew about him killing the Egyptian and then Pharoah found out and yada yada yada, he fled to Midian where he hid out for 40 years, watching another man's sheep... A far cry from the favored prince of Egypt! Very humbling. In the world's eyes he looked like a failure. In his own eyes he viewed himself as a failure because when the Lord called to him from the burning bush... guess what his response was? It was the same basic questioning of his value that was used on him years before by his unappreciative kinsmen- He said, "Who am I Lord to appear before Pharoah?" Later after the Lord finally convinced him to go to Pharoah and he reluctantly came before him to present his request, guess what Pharoah's initial response to him was? "Who do you think you are?" Moses' fellow Israelites, himself and Pharoah all measured him with one measuring stick... but God measured him with another...

"Who do you think you are Moses?" Wow. So it's not just us whom the enemy torments year after year with the same lies! We are in good company! But thank God we don't have to be limited and hindered by the enemy's lies about our worth and the true measurement of who we are!
Obviously God's measurement of Moses was different than man's... For later on it says that God thought of Moses as His friend and spoke to him face to face!

When Gideon was threshing wheat in the basement for fear of the Midianites, the angel of the Lord greeted him this way,“Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!.. Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!”” To which Gideon replied,“how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” Again- the Lord obviously used a different stick...

God chose David, the youngest of his brothers, whom his father didn't bother to mention when asked by Samuel about his sons. God made the clear distinction that He measured differently than man...

And the Bible is full of such examples...So how are we measuring our life and ourselves? Whose measuring stick are we using?The Bible says for us to find out what pleases God. If we do, we will find it to be far different from what pleases the world... One look at the broken lives mocked in the entertainment section of the news, will show us the legacy of those pursuing the wrong system... A measurement system that may seem right for a while, but in the end will come up short in eternity!

I for one want to use the right measuring stick!

God bless! Kayla

The Rules of Worth

2010-10-09T23:28:00.008-05:00

Today I had a text conversation with someone about counting the cost for some future decision they were going to be making. On the one hand was a public platform, recognition and notoriety. On the other hand was equipping, discipleship and accountability. In this particular situation, both couldn’t co-exist. A choice had to be made. This person knows how God is leading them. It’s been confirmed many times. Actually, they’ve already made their choice against the platform because despite the recognition they would get, they know God is saying no for now and they want God’s will for their life above all. Yet still, they are grieving at what will be lost. But their grieving is healthy and wise. There WILL be loss. And they are looking it square in the face today and saying goodbye to it. So there is some sadness….right now.

I do understand because I am familiar with this basic human struggle. Every one of us is. We’ve all struggled with the desire for recognition and to be viewed as a success. From the day we take our first breath on this planet the indoctrination begins. The rules are learned early and they are simple: Those with special abilities, with the most toys or with the best looks are recognized as the winners. Our childhood stories validate these 'truths'. Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer was a winner only when his ugly nose saved Christmas. Poor funny-looking Dumbo was a winner only when he learned to fly. The Little Princess was considered a winner only when it was discovered she was rich. And of course (we are told) everyone wants to be a winner. Nobody wants to be a loser. So what is the prize we seek to win? Worth, value, significance, approval. We compete for these from day one whether we realize it or not. As we grow older the rules become more complex, but at its core they remain the same. And sadly, many of us waste our allotted time on this earth, trying to win at this impossible game.

I have found in writing this blog that I often have a recurring theme I will write about. This is one of them. I have often struggled with my significance and value. I have been measured or more often I have measured myself and been found wanting. I talked about this in an earlier blog post: http://kayla-worshippingwarrior.blogspot.com/2008/01/whose-measuring-stick.html.

Like most of the blog posts I write, this one is the result of a hodgepodge of thoughts, readings and conversations on a similar theme I’ve had lately. That seems to be how the Lord often gets my attention. But today I read the blog of a dear couple who are in Serbia at this very moment, adopting their long awaited, longed-for child. They have saved and have waited and have prayed for this child for over a year. This precious little boy they are adopting has Down’s Syndrome. They could care less. They love him. They desire to release him out of the loveless orphanage he’s been in for all of his two short years and to bring him home. They have crossed the oceans at great expense to redeem him. Despite his physical limitations, they are so proud of him. His dad said today on his blog that through meeting his son he had a better understanding of the Father’s heart. He hasn’t been focused on “where his son should be” as compared to other two-year olds but rather he has been thinking all day about his son’s progress and what he CAN do. He said that likewise our Father God does not focus on our weaknesses but He celebrates our successes. Wow!

I think most of us need to go through a type of spiritual detox of our soul from this world’s perspective that bombards us at every turn from the day we are born until the day we die. Our spirit was made perfect at salvation but our soul gets worked on the rest of our lives. And it doesn’t help that these worldly rules of worth have often permeated the church as well. We must be discerning at all times.

But the church in the New Testament didn’t teach a value-system influenced by Western Christian culture. They taught the cross and the love that put Jesus there. They didn’t teach a seeker-friendly, prosperity-goaled message. They taught that Jesus is returning soon and we are to be about His business, evangelising the lost, equipping the saints, dying to self, building and forcefully advancing His Kingdom.

His is a Kingdom where the last will be first and the first will be last. His is a Kingdom where we lose to gain and we die to live. His is a Kingdom of humble foot-washing, servant-leaders not a kingdom of Christian celebritys with bodyguards. His is a Kingdom where the meek, not the beautiful or the talented, shall inherit the earth. His is a Kingdom where success is measured by our heart and not by our net worth. His is a Kingdom where a Down’s Syndrome child is valued above a celebrity or a king.

This my friend is true value. And a life devoted to Him is true success. He doesn't have unfair rules or play games with us that we can't win. He values us... just because. We may never fully understand it. But it was enough to send His precious holy beloved Son to the cross for us. And His measurement of our worth cannot be disputed. There is no greater approval. There is no higher authority. What He declares as valuable is valuable. After all, He is God. :)

So Father, please show us Your view of worth. Show us what is precious to You. Show us what we admire, pursue and value that are wood, hay and stubble to You. May we know and spend our life on what is eternal. Reveal to us where we have agreed with the world and even sometimes attributed it to You. Open our eyes and touch our hearts and may we know, not just in our heads, but in the core of our being, Your great love. And may we seek our worth in no other source but You. Amen

Happy Birthday Haley!!!

2010-10-04T16:10:00.013-05:00

1987 found us stationed at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. During this particular duty station, Keith was more often deployed on submarines than he was home. I was taking college classes to fill in the long hours waiting for him to return from sea. It was during this particular three-year duty station that I found God again. The Lord in His great wisdom and foreknowledge placed Keith’s aunt and uncle on the very same Hawaiian island at the exact same time we just happened to be there. Uncle Herb was a chaplain at Pearl Harbor. They lived just steps from the Naval Security Group where Keith worked. Uncle Herb and Aunt Bobbie took us under their wing, welcomed us into their lives and just loved us. They showed us Christ in a thousand different ways. They weren’t preachy or legalistic. They just lived Jesus and it opened our eyes and changed our lives. This wounded young lady began to see Jesus in a whole new way and to find Him. And in finding Him, to find herself

And God’s timing was perfect. Keith and I had been married for four years, but we had married young so we were in no hurry to start a family. However, as I began to grow in God and to heal in my emotions, I began to wonder if perhaps, just maybe, we were ready to start a family. But I wasn’t sure. I was afraid. I didn’t know if I had what it took to be a mother. I’d failed in so many areas of my life. I couldn’t bear it if I failed in this one too…so we waited. Had I waited until I was ready, I’d still be waiting. But God thankfully had other plans.

I found out I was pregnant in February 1987. Joy reverberated through our entire family since this was the FIRST grandbaby on both sides! I was excited but concerned. I knew absolutely NOTHING about babies. Well, I decided that pregnancy and childbirth were not going to catch THIS girl unprepared, so every single book on the subject was systematically devoured. But no book nor class could ever have prepared me for the moment when I first felt the flutter of life in my belly and the realization that I was carrying life in my womb! Something I had hardly ever thought of before instantly became extraordinary to me and I felt like the first woman on earth to ever experience such a divine miracle. Keith and I had made a baby. A completely separate life from our own yet so much a part of us. I could hardly take it in. Although I had only been praying such a short time, I began praying over my womb and asking God to protect and fulfill His purpose in the life of this baby, MY baby.

We didn’t know whether our baby was going to be a boy or a girl. We had our boy name picked out but couldn’t come up with a good girl name. So again, I prayed. And I asked God about it. One night, I had a dream. The dream was simple. I dreamed that we named her Haley. I woke up and told Keith. He liked it.

Labor was something I had dreaded for the entire nine months. I mean, when you really think of childbirth and what transpires it could definitely put a damper on your enthusiasm. But God’s grace was there and it was bearable. Being my first baby, procedures I had, difficulties I experienced in childbirth that I now realize were not the norm, seemed okay in the moment. I marvel now when looking back, at my strength and bravery at the time. It was God’s grace no doubt. But after a long 24 hour labor and 3 hours of pushing (only to have her delivered through a vacuum forceps-type thing) with NO ANESTHESIA, the doctor announced, "You have a little girl!" She was beautiful and perfect. So on October 4, 1987 at 12:41 am, our beautiful little Haley Elizabeth came into our world. And in one moment, she changed it forever.

She made us parents. In an instant, all of our immature, selfish aspirations for our lives just went right out the window. In one moment, I felt love like I had never known could exist-the love of a mother. Nothing can describe looking at your child for the first time and realizing- she is ours! God gave her to US! It is OUR responsibility to take care of her, to teach her about God. It was a sobering realization. But God’s grace somehow showed these two ignorant, immature parents the way. He saw our desire to do this right, and He helped us.

When she was little, she was feisty and spunky, yet always the girly-girl. A tender heart yet not afraid to speak truth. Keith use to say about her- “Haley is her own dog. She has her own ideas and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks!” And he was right. Haley challenged me sometimes with her ‘right is right and wrong as wrong’ outlook. But she made me think and I often learned from her as much as she learned from me. At times, she stood alone in her standing up for what was right. This often caused her tender heart pain, but she stood firm in her beliefs.

Haley was a most imaginative and creative child. She was a voracious reader. As crazy as this seems now, (since we didn’t have cable TV or computers when she was little), one of the ways I ‘grounded’ her, was from reading! Can you imagine? “Haley if you don’t stop that right now, you cannot read for a week!” I know, but my bluff usually worked. It’s just a testament to her love for reading. To simply send her to her room as punishment would have really been a reward. Then she could just read in peace. (Don't judge me. I had to think of something! :) As for her creativity-You could lock Haley in a room with a couple of popsicle sticks, glue and some rocks and in an hour she’d reappear with a doll or Barbie furniture or some other masterpiece. She never ceased to amaze me.

From an early age, Haley had a distinct steadiness and wisdom. Her younger siblings looked up to her and adored her (and still do). But as they were all growing up, as tiny as Haley’s always been, her siblings didn’t dare cross her. Her tyranny in the car on long roadtrips is the stuff of family legends :).

Then she grew up. Before we had blinked twice she was a young woman in love. She married the love of her life at twenty. We couldn’t be more pleased with the man she married-Joshua Ortego. He’s so like her Daddy (and yes there will probably be a future blog about Josh and their romance). But they now serve on staff at Faith Chapel in O’Fallon, Missouri where Josh is Worship Pastor.

Today I look at my little girl, who once was this tiny baby in my arms who terrified me with her helplessness and dependence on me. I think of the precious child she was, who blessed us from day one with her sweetness and spirit. I look at the woman of God she has become, a prophetess, intercessor and lover of God, and I am amazed at the goodness of God. He took me and Keith, two broken, clueless kids, and gave us this amazing gift. Through our great love for her and our great desire to not screw-up this parent thing, the Lord in His wisdom, used this to keep our feet on His path and in so doing, paving the way for the generations to come. We knew we would need Him along the journey. So in earnest, we came to depend on Him. And He was faithful. He still is.

So Happy Birthday Haley! Thank you for rocking our world. Thank you for being a faithful, obedient and Godly daughter. And thank you for choosing the narrow way. It’s the same path that God drew us to, through you. We love you more than we could ever say!
Love your Mom (and I know I speak for your Daddy too)

God's Heart

2010-10-02T22:51:00.036-05:00

I got really mad today… Really, really mad. My husband told me something that made me want to crawl through the phone line and unleash all 120 lbs of my pent up fury on the object of my wrath (Have no fear. It wasn't Keith).

Someone insulted my husband. A young man about my son’s age. Keith was out of town at a reunion of sorts and he was introduced to an old acquaintance's son. Granted the kid had been drinking, but when Keith was introduced to him, the young man looked Keith right in the eye and called him a (insert the most vulgar phrase you can think of right here). It was totally unprovoked, disrespectful and foul. Keith was understandably shocked, insulted, and then had to call on the Lord to keep from clocking the guy. Thankfully the spirit-man prevailed over the flesh and my husband restrained himself. He uttered not one word to this young man.

My husband served for 20 years in the United States Navy, he’s a skilled marksman and he’s got six pack abs. But even though Keith has strength and skill, Keith’s identity is in Christ first. He’s a man of God first. He’s a preacher, he’s a prophet, he’s an evangelist and he’s anointed. (Also he’s returning to that same town in two weeks to preach at a revival meeting so I don’t think it would have looked too great had he gotten arrested for brawling.)

On a side note, I believe this was a direct assault from the enemy to provoke, to tempt and to discredit him. I am so thankful he didn’t fall for it. Too much is at stake. So please keep him and those involved with Warrior's Call in prayer, as they come in two weeks to build up the body of Christ and to share Jesus in Ruston.

But despite the motivation behind this provocation, I was mad. I thought of Elisha in the Bible, the prophet of the Most High God who as he was walking along, the youths of the town came out and taunted him, calling him ‘bald head’ (which is much better than what Keith was called, trust me!). And how the Lord took this disrespect of His chosen man of God very seriously and had bears come out of the woods to maul them. In my mind, I picture Elisha just whistling on down that path with a skip in his step and a smirk on his face as the bears made short work of those punks. Yep. Where are bears when you need them? My husband is a man of God. Did that dude even know who he was talking to? No, obviously not. Neither did they with Elisha. Nor with Jesus. (And okay- I know Elisha probably didn’t whistle, smirk or skip. But I certainly wouldn't have blamed him if he had).

As I thought about the shame of this youth cursing his elder- a US military veteran, an anointed man of God and MY husband, I turned on the IHOP prayer room. My son Max sings in the night watch and unless I’m up really late, I usually watch his sets in the Archives the next day. I had a headache but I am a dutiful Momma and so I watched. If any of you are familiar with the prayer room you know that at certain times during each two hour worship set, they switch gears from the worship and pray for specific things. I was basically watching just to hear my son sing and to catch a glimpse of him (since he lives 14 hours away). I wasn’t really worshipping along or praying. I was just observing. But as I sat there, still seething in offense and judgment against this ‘youth’ who’d cursed my beloved, I heard my own son sing these words under the influence of the Holy Spirit (I transcribed them)

Reveal to the youth (in Kansas City) Your glory, reveal to them Your beauty. That they’d be fascinated by You God. That You would take their eyes off every worldly thing that they’d be fascinated with eternity. God, capture their gaze we ask. Take their eyes off this world. Take their eyes off this world. Capture their hearts. That they would live for You. Get their eyes off of every worldly thing. That nothing would satisfy them but the Holy, Holy, but the Holy. You’ve made their eyes to see Holy things. Take their eyes off themselves. That they would look up to men and women who are Godly. That their greatest influence would be Jesus. Reveal the treasures in Jesus, Give them a glimpse of eternity.. Their eyes were made to see… the treasures in Jesus, give them a glimpse of eternity. Would you begin to take them up, reveal the One who sits on the throne in all of His glory. Take them up, take them up. I ask for the ones who are fascinated with the music of this world, take them up, take them up. Let them hear heavenly sounds. God wreck them for every earthly thing. Reveal the treasures in Jesus, give them a glimpse of eternity. Their eyes were made to see… the treasures in Jesus, give them a glimpse of eternity. Their eyes were made to see Uncreated Beauty...

Okay- it took me hearing it like three times before it dawned on me, that this prayer /song was for young people just like that one I was dismissing in my mind as worthless. That this song, was a song of the Lord. It was GOD’S heart towards this rebellious young man and those like him. . I can’t believe it but my heart softened towards him and I got tears in my eyes. Who knows what this young man has experienced in his short lifetime to make him so angry. Obviously it hasn’t been too good based on his behavior. But it struck me- He was created for holiness. HIS eyes were meant to be fascinated with Jesus. HIS EYES. Yes, the punk with the filthy mouth.

So I talk to the Lord-Oh God, who am I to look down and write off any of Your creation, the ones YOU died for. I’m so glad that You aren’t like me. So quick to judge and condemn. So quick to determine who has value and who doesn’t. They all have value to You God. To You Jesus, that young man was worth the price You paid on the cross. You said, “forgive them Father for they don’t know what they do”. They didn’t know what they were doing Jesus. And neither does he. So I repent right here and cry out for his soul.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood (this kid), but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms..

So God gently corrected me and showed me His heart and His purpose for this young man who is so bound by the evil one, through my son’s song. He was created for love. He was made to see the Holy. He was meant to spend eternity with Jesus. And right now he is swiftly headed towards an eternity without Him. To an eternity of darkness, pain and torment. But for the grace of God, this kid could have been my own son. So now I will pray that God’s dream for him will come to pass. That this young man will turn his eyes from the worthless things and he will see the treasure that is in Jesus. That he will get a glimpse of eternity. Thank You Jesus! You amaze me!!!
God bless! Kayla

By the way- the thing I dreaded about writing this new post is the fear that nobody will read my previous post. So I ask, if you haven't already, please read my prayer request for our friend Sean and bring him and his family before the Lord. Thanks so much!

Prayer for Sean

2010-09-30T21:46:00.004-05:00

We just returned from an awesome, blessed visit with our family in St Louis. It was really hard to leave and to come back to Baton Rouge. We are seeking the Lord for wisdom...do we look at these delays with our house as God's timing or as a hindrance of the enemy to stop God's plan? That would definitely change the way we pray. But it was awesome to see our precious children. To have us all under one roof again. To see Haley and Josh's new house. It was beyond wonderful to worship in the tangible presence of God with my family at Faith Chapel and to hear Pastor Brad preach and teach the word of God in such a clear manner. Oh my- how we long to be there. Soon God, soon...

But now I’d like to depart from my usual blog posts and to bring before you a prayer request. I'd like to ask for prayer for our friend Sean Coffey. He has just this last week been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which has spread.

We met Sean and his wife Jen when we were stationed in Groton Connecticut ten years ago. We attended their wedding and they were in the homegroup that we led. We lost touch with them after moving but have recently reconnected through Facebook. Since we were in Ct, they have had two adorable little boys who are 3 and 6. They are a precious, extremely close, beautiful family.

Understandably they are completely shocked and devastated by Sean’s diagnosis. Without God, his prognosis is bleak. But we of course are not without God nor are we without hope. Please pray for healing, hope, peace, provision and direction for them. They don't see the doctor until next week. Pray for favor with the doctors and that their doctors would have great wisdom. Please pray that, as Jesus did, they would see what the Father is doing, and know how to pray and what to do. That the doctor's word wouldn't necessarily be the final word on the subject.

If you wish to follow Jen’s blog it is http://mydanceofjoy.blogspot.com/. In her blog, Jen is devastatingly honest about the painful, confusing, heartbreaking and fearful emotions she is experiencing right now. I beg you guys to please pray for these precious ones who are walking a very dark path. Please pray that the presence of God would draw tangibly near, that He would lift their eyes and surround them with a blanket of peace instead of the horror they are experiencing right now. They need spiritual warfare on their behalf. They need hands to come alongside them in prayer and to lift their hands as they grow weak with grief. Please pray that the enemy would get out of this situation with his lies and fears and oppression. He is really breathing down their necks right now. My heart is breaking for them in their raw pain. So I beg you to please please pray. And if you have a prayer chain at your church please, I ask you, add them to it.

I feel a mandate to pray for this family and to mobilize prayer. Those of you who are intercessors probably 'get' this. I'm not sure I do. I have been told I am an intercessor although I have never been fully convinced that I am. But this burden to pray for this couple I haven't seen in ten years is beyond intense. I've never had such a concern and burden to pray and to get others praying like I am with this. I think of them every moment and my heart grieves like this was Keith. I desperately want my prayers to matter. I want my prayers to move heaven and earth for these precious ones. I don't feel capable. But the urgency moves me. I feel such deep grief. I can't explain it. Intercessors, please tell me...is this normal? I've never walked this road before and I want to understand and to 'do this right'. I would welcome any direction and advice from those of you more experienced in intercession. And mostly- I covet your prayers joined with mine for them. I promise- Sean and Jen and their two little boys are worth it.

So if I seem distracted, that’s what’s up with me. That’s all for now. God bless you all. I’ll keep you posted on Sean and any prayer needs they may have. Thanks Kayla

Happy Birthday Max!!!

2010-09-18T22:50:00.018-05:00

Twenty years ago this week, I was one stressed-out woman. We were living in Groton, Connecticut where Keith was stationed with the US Navy. He had just made the rank of Chief and apparently making Chief is a huge rite of passage for a career sailor. The preparations began weeks earlier and would culminate in a horrid hazing weekend which would be followed with the traditional pinning ceremony. It was a huge deal. Unless one has been in the Navy, I’m sure any descriptions I would attempt to give of the week of Chief’s initiation- the ridiculous preparations, the dreaded hazing, and the tremendous amount of stress put on the new Chiefs AND their families, would be lost on you. So suffice it to say, it was BAD. Made all the worse by the fact that I had a house full of company, a busy three year-old and was uncomfortably overdue to give birth with our second child at any given moment. Keith’s older brother David had come from Louisiana for the ceremony and was hoping to also be around for the birth if it happened by the end of the following week. Also, my sister was with us. She had scheduled her departure date to rejoin her Navy husband in Spain a week and a half after my due date thinking, SURELY the baby would have arrived by then. Well the ceremony came, still… no baby. We put my sister on a plane to Spain, still… no baby. We waved goodbye to David has he headed back to Louisiana and still…no baby.

By the end of that week, I was 42 weeks pregnant. Yes, you heard me right- 42 weeks pregnant! I know right? Aren’t babies supposed to be born at 40 weeks? Doesn’t the doctor typically induce labor or schedule a C section if the baby hasn’t come at the prescribed 40 weeks? One would think so, wouldn’t one? But apparently my doctor was atypical and curious to see how long it would take for nature to take its course. Whether he was a sadist or just a thrill seeker I still don’t know. But I do know that by that weekend, I was unnaturally, still pregnant. And as it had been three years earlier in Hawaii with Haley’s birth, despite all our efforts this time, there would be no waiting room full of excited family members. It would again be just me and Keith at our child’s birth.

Well, at approximately 10 pm on Saturday, September 22nd, at 42 weeks pregnant, after having put Haley to bed, watched a little TV and thumbed through a magazine, I energetically headed towards the stairs when……it hit! Have you ever watched a movie or sitcom where the woman goes into labor? One minute she’s fine and dandy, then the next- she stops, grabs her belly and frantically yells- HONEY, THIS IS IT!!! Chaos then erupts, the husband can’t find the keys and it makes for good television. After my previous, seemingly-endless, 24-hour labor with Haley, Keith and I (the experts of course) now would ridicule Hollywood-style childbirth. “Labor doesn’t happen like that!" we'd scoff. "Those stupid script writers probably never even had a baby!" Well, my first contraction threw me immediately into hard labor. Pride goes before the fall and we ‘experts’ were to eat humble pie as we made a mad dash to the hospital only to welcome our precious son less than 45 minutes after we arrived!

So at 12:03 am, September 23, 1990, Max Lane Johnson abruptly and gloriously entered our lives. We waited long for him, becoming comfortable in the waiting, and then SUDDENLY- he caught us off gaurd, surprising us by quickly bursting into this world with a vengeance.

As I wrote that last sentence I couldn’t help but sense that there is a deeper spiritual parallel there to be explored.

But to continue, Max entered our lives with a bang and for these twenty years, he has been a delight. God’s hand of favor has been on Max since he was very young and our realization of that has grown as he has. Once when Max was little, Keith was bathing him. As he was praying for him, the Lord clearly spoke to Keith’s heart that, unlike other generations before us, Max would fulfill all that the Lord had called him to do.

So today, I want to honor my sweet beautiful boy on his 20th birthday. He’s truly a joy and a delight to his daddy and me. He's always been tenderhearted, correctable and sensitive which has transferred to his spiritual walk with God. He's been musical since he could talk and he has always been very much a Momma's boy :). He was all-boy from day one. We didn't have to teach him that, it just came natural. If he couldn't find a toy gun to play with he made his own... from a bread crust (he'd chew it into the shape of a gun :) , my favorite candlestick, or my cross necklace, which he would grab while sitting in my lap to shoot at imaginary 'voffs' (wolves).

As Max has grown up (in favor with God and man :) he's grown in his giftings and character. I can say about Max that he is respectful as well as a good brother and friend. But as pleased as we are at how Max honors us, we are so thankful at how Max honors God with his talents and with his passionate devotion. That's one thing I can say about Max- he is passionate. Anyone who has seen him lead worship can attest to this. He doesn't do anything half way. As laid back as he normally is, when he leads, he holds NOTHING back and cares not one bit what anyone thinks. As he came up in our church's worship team from being a background singer to eventually leading worship, it blessed me to be able to take off my "momma" hat and to be just another saint following his leadership as he followed the leading of the Holy Spirit. Even as his mom, I respect the authority on his life. And when the anointing rests on him as he ministers, it's easy to momentarily lose sight of the fact that I changed the diapers of that anointed man of God...

Of course he’s not perfect, nor will he ever be (and I won't now list examples of imperfections since it IS his birthday and all :). But when I look at him now, I truly am thankful and blessed with the choices he's made and the young man he has become. I have no doubt the type of husband and father he will be because of these choices. It thrills me that he still calls me and wants to talk to me and to tell me about his day and the exciting things the Lord is doing in his life. I treasure these moments. I miss him but I know that today, he's exactly where God wants him.

Well, Max is an adult now. No longer a teenager. No longer a child. But forever and ever, he will be my little boy and his daddy and I couldn’t be prouder of him.

God has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams with four beautiful children and we are equally proud of the other three. I intend to write about my other treasures too...but today is Max's day.

So Max, we dearly love you. You are our beloved son; and we are WELL pleased! Happy 20th birthday!!!!
Love, Your Mom

No Regrets

2010-09-18T22:08:00.009-05:00

Our family 1996

Has it really been 20 years since my awesome oldest son Max was born? (Birthday blog coming soon. :) How quickly those precious years have passed. I ran across this blog post I wrote three years ago when Haley turned 20 http://kayla-worshippingwarrior.blogspot.com/2007/10/view-from-riverbank.html. I know in 5 years I’ll face this again with the twins. It never gets easier. But I want to say this to all of you young parents out there. It is WORTH it! THEY are worth it!

I married Keith at 18 and got pregnant with Haley before I completed college. So I never got my degree. But I don’t regret it! I didn’t join the corporate world and have a successful career like some of my friends. But I don’t regret it! I’ve not achieved fame or fortune or done anything very glamorous, dangerous or scandalous. But I don’t regret it!

I’m not going to say I haven’t sometimes had moments of frustration or feeling bad about myself when compared to the world’s view of success. I remember when the kids were small sometimes wondering-- "what about me God? What about my dreams?" I spent a lot of time wishing I was in the future and I didn't fully appreciate those precious present moments. But NOW I know, as insignificant as I sometimes felt, that no accomplishment, no reward, nothing compares to the opportunity I’ve had to BE THERE and to pour into my children. Nothing! Today they bless me more than I could ever have imagined when they were little and I was so very tired.

I ran across this poem someone else wrote and I want to share it…

A hundred years from now,
it will not matter what my Bank Account was,
the sort of house I lived in,
or the kind of car I drove,
but the world may be different
because I was important
in the life of a child.

My kids are getting older and I am beginning to transition out of this season I've been in for so long. Its not easy. But now I see that this has been a very important (probably the MOST important) part of my destiny. And at this juncture of the journey, I am so humbled and thankful to have been chosen for such an honored calling in the Lord’s eyes as the Mother of these four precious children God has given me.

When we reach heaven, I do believe there’s going to be some surprises in store at who the Lord honors. I believe that many of the earth’s and the church’s big names will have to take a lower seat to the little mothers who honored God in the hidden place of their home, with their children, in the simple things they did for them. The sleepless nights rocking a sick child, the innumerable diapers changed, meals cooked, stories read, the time spent with the least of these… these things, I believe, will be honored in heaven far above the fame, fortune and accomplishments that were praised and honored here on earth.

Nope. I don’t regret it ONE bit.

Followers!

2010-09-12T13:50:00.003-05:00

Okay, not big news but I (obviously) have a new blog design. I'm not sure I like it yet... not crazy about the white letters. Something in me rebels against white letters. Seems unnatural. But I like the colors. Has an olde world vibe. So we'll see. :)

But the cool thing about updating my blog is that now I see something I didn't realize.... I HAVE FOLLOWERS! I never thought these random thoughts of mine would be worthy of anyone anticipating, much less following. So I am humbled and I thank ya'll for your interest and support (I sound like a won an award lol). But I mean it. That truly blesses me. Now that I know somebody's actually reading this, I shall try to write more often.

I am attempting to download a video of the IHOP prayer room that particularly blessed me but its not loading so we shall see if that will make it to the blogosphere or not.

But until then.... again, thanks and God bless you. I will check out your blogs as well and drop you a line. :)
Kayla

God-Formulas

2010-09-02T17:57:00.042-05:00

Well I haven’t kept my promise to blog more faithfully have I? I suspect my readership has probably dwindled from a handful of folks to, well...less . But regardless, I owe all two of you an apology :).

Well so far things haven’t quite unfolded like I envisioned. I really expected to be either moved to St.Louis already or in the process by now. But here we sit- still waiting, still in transition. Nope the house hasn't sold. We've had lots of traffic, but no offers. They say the housing market is slow right now (whoever "they" are). We've been busy keeping the house cleaner than is normal, stressing about shedding dogs and praying against rain when everyone else is praying for it (because of muddy paw prints) and rushing around frantically when we get the call... Its not been fun to say the least. I've now started praying that the Lord would keep people away who aren't going to buy. Since I've prayed that, we've not had one person call. I should be thankful I know. However...

I had this assumption that very soon after we did our part (put the house on the market) that the Lord would swoop in and blow our minds by selling our house like in a week. Thats ridiciulous I know, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard (or said myself) "when we do our part, then God will do His". It’s been assumed (mostly by ME) that’s how it would transpire. I’m not saying however God chooses to do this won’t end up being amazing, but it is funny how we get things in our heads about God's behavior. I call these "God-formulas". They go something like this- “I will do this and then God will do that.” Sound familiar? The one I’ve heard most recently is this-

“When you really lay this down, then God will move”
Really? Says who? How do you know that? Show me the scripture!

But I know that I’ve also assumed and passed around these same unsound formulas like an old sage to other trusting saints as if they were…well, Biblical. Okay I know there are truths implied in them about trusting, obeying, submitting and the like but we need to be so careful about how we apply them. Because the result of anything not based on the truth and the pure word of God is bound to bring forth fruit like- shame, fear, condemnation and even idolatry (faith in the ‘formula’ rather than God Himself). And all these can ultimately lead to disillusionment, discouragement and despair. How many saint’s walks have been shipwrecked because some assumed ‘God-formula’ didn’t play out?

With all this, I’ve been so challenged lately to examine everything and to assume nothing. I’ve had to fight the thoughts like- “I must not be laying it down since nothing is happening yet”. Okay then, assuming that's even true- what constitutes ‘laying it down’? Is the fact that I really, REALLY, REEEEEEEALLLLLY want to move like SOOOOOON mean I haven’t laid it down? I ask this because another good God-formula I’ve always heard is-

“When you get to the point where you don’t care, then you’ve really surrendered”.

Seriously? Is that even possible? Is not caring really an indication of when we have truly laid something down? Can't I trust God and surrender to Him while still having strong desires at the same time ? (assuming these aren't sinful desires of course) Are those two incompatible? But wait- didn’t Jesus Himself say- “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not My will but Yours be done”? I’m no theologian but to me that seems to indicate that Jesus had a strong desire… yet His desire to please His Father was greater.

These are rhetorical questions I realize and I don’t expect a cut and dried answer… but I am really wanting to make sure what I believe and proclaim is Biblical. The older I get, the more I realize how little I truly know about God's ways. Don't get me wrong, I plan to learn as much as possible and I know He takes pleasure in being sought. But seriously, can't we Christians sometimes just say "I Don't Know Why"? Must we so often default to our list of custom-made, Christian-culture quotes? I do know He is God. He is love and He knows what He's doing and is ultimately going to have His way. Sometimes I feel at peace with that fact and at other times it makes me nervous…But if that’s not 'laying it down', then I refuse to assume that means we’ll not move for ten more years.

And by the way another one that I've heard lately is this- "He must be delaying because He's getting things ready for you up there". I actually like this one, and I hope its true. :)

So here is where I am, like it or not... not on the other side of this transition, but stuck right here in the middle....waiting. And I have no clue as to why we are still here. I may never know. But I will not assume that God's plan is hanging on my working out a formula like some sort of stubborn combination lock, especially when I am truly desiring to please Him despite my obvious frailty. Because isn't it He who initiated this relationship to begin with? The WORD clearly states that He helps us in our weakness and that HE who began this good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. And this greatly comforts me.

So I continue to pray- Jesus, help me to lay it all down and please meet me where I am. If I am not sufficiently willing and surrendered, then please make me so. For I can do NOTHING without You... yet I can do ALL THINGS through You. Oh and Lord if you don't mind...could we please sell our house soon? Because I really love Missouri and I really want to be near my children.... But Lord (You know the rest)~Not my will but YOURS be done. Amen! :)

By the way- feel free to show me some love and leave a comment. I like to know who's reading this. But if you're an Anonymous blogger with no Blog account, please give me your name (this was added by me after I got two lovely comments by mystery fans:) Oh and I do screen them before I post them now. I have been getting weird spam comments... But don't be afraid. Even if I don't know you personally, I'll approve your comment if you're not spam or a weirdo :)

God bless, Kayla

The Catch Up List

2010-07-16T18:50:00.027-05:00

Okay finally! I thought after quitting work that I’d have tons of time to blog but that obviously hasn’t been the case. This may take more than one post so bear with me please. So now to update whoever cares :) on what’s been happening in the Johnson world the last 6+ months that I have been absent from the blogosphere. This 'catch up list' is not necessarily chronological or in order of importance ...just as it occurred to me. So such as it is, here goes:

1. In our house, we are now down to four people. Haley's been gone for two years now (wow how the time has flown!). She and her husband Josh live right outside of St. Louis and serve on staff at an awesome church, Faith Chapel, in O’Fallon, Missouri. Then this past December, Max left for IHOP (the International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, Missouri. So our two eldest children have both left the nest and are in full-time ministry in Missouri! Its kind of weird. We haven't been this small since the Scotland years. I have to rethink things when I buy groceries now. I tend to want to cook for the masses. We've eaten a lot of left-overs this year while I've gotten adjusted.

Despite all the changes, there are blessings to having fewer children. The older two had our full attention during the vigor and zeal of our youth. Now the younger two have the benefit of our attention when we are definitely older (although more tired) but hopefully much wiser :). As the twins have reached their busy teen years, this past year Keith and I have often found ourselves in a situation we are not accustomed to.... in the house ALONE! With raising and homeschooling four children, that's something we haven't experienced in 22+ years since we became parents. It's quite odd. But we look at each other now and know that this is how we began and sooner than we realize, this is how it will be once again. It's not a bad thing though. Really, it's not.

We miss our two Missouri kids but we are slowly adjusting to this 'new normal'. It's not always easy, but we really have no choice. And it's what is normal and right. So there you have #1.

2. This past year, this former stay-home, homeschooling Mom began working full time and put the twins in school. I had already been wanting to do something outside of the home for quite some time and financially it certainly was a necessary blessing, so at the time, it seemed like a good idea. At this juncture, I'm still undecided if it truly was. But regardless, I was blessed with an awesome job in the church office and the kids were able to go to school at our church’s school. It was helpful being on campus with them, but often this year we've asked ourselves- "Did we do the right thing? Should we have just trusted God to provide and should I have stayed home with them?" Honestly, we just didn’t do well with it. No matter how great the job or how wonderful the people I worked with, I was very distracted. I didn’t feel like I gave the kids the attention they needed. And spiritually I was in coping mode. No time or energy to delve deeper, to search farther, to press in or to wrestle things through like I am accustomed to. More and more I found myself just doing what I could manage with the limited time and energy I had. I am one who processes things very slowly. I chew on things a long time and don't come to conclusions or gain revelation quickly. With me it's a slow but thorough, process. So busy-mode is just not a good fit for me. I am so amazed at how some folks not only manage, but thrive on stress and find it as a motivator to push them to excellence. I admire this and wish I could do so many different things well while maintaining the energy to stay on top, yet not neglecting relationships. It is amazing when you think about how God made us each so special and unique, with different motivators, different keys to our heart. But this year I have discovered… I am NOT a multi-tasker. I am not criticizing myself. Its just a fact. I am beginning to recognize and to embrace my single-mindedness as a gift from God that just doesn’t fit into certain lifestyles. And this has definitely been a year where the focus has NOT been on discovering my strengths. But that’s okay. We will have more years for that God willing.

I’m not saying going to school this past year was a completely bad experience for the twins, but had I been more ‘there’, it might could have been more of a learning, growing experience for them as we worked through their adjustments, as a family. But sadly I admit, a lot of their struggles I didn’t catch onto until much later. I know usually we did the best we could at the time, but more often than not, I feel we weren't as 'on', as alert, as sharp or as 'there' for them as they needed us to be. So overall it was a difficult year for us as a family. I have had my share of regrets and longings for do-overs, but you have to repent for what you know of and move forward. And our God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. So we qualify for that praise God! :) No experience is wasted in the Kingdom. One day we'll know what this was all about... But its done now, and one thing we learned is- we aren’t doing that again next year!!!

I think the stress of this past year, made me feel older. Obviously I know I AM older, but I have really FELT it as I've given way to stress. But I truly think that this next year will find us spiritually, emotionally and physically in a different place...which leads me to #3...

3. We are moving. I’m sure most of you probably already know that but in case there are some out there who haven't heard, there you have it. We are leaving Baton Rouge. And I bet you can’t guess where we are moving? Yep Missouri. More to come on that…

4. Also, I stepped down from the worship team (I told you, I can't multi-task ). I didn't feel I was giving my best to it. I am an all or nothing kind of soul. It seemed the best thing to do. As much as I love worship, love ministering and love singing, I know it was right and it was time. I don't regret it which shows me it was a God thing.

5. And I quit work (But you already knew that right?)

6. NOW, the latest news I guess, is that our house is officially on the market. (Any interested buyers or just nosy folks :) can view it at http://www.fsbobr.com/, Area 4, near the bottom of the page, Bull Run Drive). We have had some interested parties and have shown it four times after being on the market only 2 weeks. Pretty encouraging. Please keep us in prayer to sell it in God’s time and to bring the right buyer. I want this home to be a blessing to someone as it has been to us.

SO suffice it to say, we now are in SELL THE HOUSE mode and that is consuming our world at the moment.

7. This past June, Keith and I celebrated 27 years of wedded bliss! :D God is good and we are truly blessed. I love him more today than I did 27 years ago and I believe he can say the same.

I hope to expound more on some of these items in the 'Catch up List' in future blogs. And there's definitely more to come about the wheres, the whys and the whens of the move…. Until then...

God bless! Kayla =D

Back in the saddle again

2010-07-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

Well........After a long absence, I am back. I don’t know if there’s anyone who still checks to see if I am blogging or not, but like it or not, I have returned to the blogosphere.

Well, yesterday was my last day of work so now I am now home sweet home. Oh how I have missed it! So I will begin writing again. I feel the pull. However I do need a little time to decompress. But for now, I expect to begin blogging again as soon as I have a lick of sense and can get my head around a few things in order to express them. (Don’t worry, nothing bad, just… me) I’ll try to catch up here if I find a way to make these last silent months blogworthy.

See ya in a few. God bless! :)

Max is now at IHOP

2010-01-13T16:30:00.002-06:00

Well, its been too long since I last posted something here. But I'm sure most of you are aware that Max is now in Kansas City, at the International House of Prayer, where he has longed to go for the last couple of years. We are missing him here at home but also are so thankful that he is in a wonderful place, where he's meant to be. I think I understood, in a smaller measure, what Hannah must have felt, dropping Samuel off at the Temple... letting go is hard, but leaving your precious child in the hands of the Lord is rewarding.... However, what is known in the head doesn't always mirror what is felt in the heart. But I can say, Gods grace is truly sufficient. In thinking of him leaving beforhand, I would wonder how I would cope... but then the Lord reminded me that his grace is always there at the moment we need it. And it was.

With our family being so close, I had worried that Max would get homesick but every time I talk to him he is excited, telling me of people he's met or things the Lord is doing... He's a sponge just soaking it all up. He's a square peg that has finally found it's square hole... Max has found where he belongs. And my heart is truly truly glad.... (and not just because my house is easier to keep clean lol :)
God bless!

My Treasure

2009-08-19T16:29:00.005-05:00

Well, it looks like Max is finally really headed to IHOP! (International House of Prayer-not pancakes :). He had been feeling that the Lord was impressing him strongly that it was time for him to go soon. However we didn't have the finances for him to go. But soon after he got this impression from the Lord a precious lady we know approached Max one day and asked how much he needed to go. He gave the price for the Intro Internship tuition. She said, "okay", then walked away. Later that week she gave me a call and said she felt impressed by the Lord to give him a check for an amount that was just what he needed! The next week his truck broke down on the side of the road. We haven't fixed it yet BUT a sweet friend offered the use of her vehicle that she wasn't using. God is confirming all over that this is His will for Max to go. We will all go to the Onething conference in late December and then leave him there with our good friends the Neelys. He will live there with them. We are so excited for him... but on a human side, as his parents, theres that big ache in our hearts. We've already said goodbye to our eldest daughter who moved to St. Louis last year. (What is this with our children going to Missouri? :) But God has anointed Max to write anointed songs that lead people into the throneroom of God. He is also a powerful and authoritative worship leader for such a young age. We are very proud of him. He is a great son and brother and friend. He is very respectful to his dad and me. He has always been protective and kind to his siblings. But despite all this, we know God's hand is on him and we can't keep him to ourselves. We must sow him into the Kingdom. His destiny is bigger than our little family... But I am so thankful for the privilege to be his mom. I'm thankful to be the mom of four awesome anointed Godlly kids. God knew that I could never do this on my own as damaged and flawed as I was when I became a mom so now I'm a shining example of His amazing unmerited favor when people look at these awesome kids. All I can say is- Thank You Jesus! Anyway, enjoy this video that Max made of his latest song. The sound quality isn't the best but you can get the jist of it. God bless...

Relationship precedes fruitfulness

2009-06-30T19:53:00.028-05:00

Our first date

26 years later

We’re back from vacation. I got my annual hives upon my return. I’ve decided that I am allergic to vacation ending… ;) Actually I think it is somehow related to the sun. No doctor has ever seemed to give me a satisfactory diagnosis but that’s the only consistent thing I have found. I use hypo-allergenic sunscreen and take all kinds of precautions. The rash doesn’t appear until I get home though! Crazy! But the prednisone has kicked in and I am no longer a raging beast… (itching can bring out the worst in a person) so thank God for that!

This past Thursday Keith and I celebrated 26 years of marriage together! I have been married to Keith most of my life! We married young and although it hasn’t always been easy, I wouldn’t be married to anyone else. Keith is a rock… Keith is a leader… Keith has wisdom… Keith is faithful… Keith is trustworthy… Keith is a protector… Keith is sensitive… Keith is a man of God... Keith is anointed... Keith has integrity... When Keith walks into a room, there is a feeling of peace and safety... (not to mention he's doggone good-looking too ;). Wow, I’m blessed! He married an immature, selfish, wounded little teenage girl. But he somehow saw something in me, he believed in me and he loved me unconditionally. Although he got right with the Lord after we married, I know that the Lord put us together when He did and used him in my life to show me the undeserving love of God. Not to make him out to be perfect, he’s had his faults, but overall, I know, I am one blessed woman because my husband loves me. And throughout the years, that opened my heart to the love of God. I have definitely grown and I am even now, growing in the knowledge of the love of God. I wonder if we ever will fully know it on this earth? But for 26 years I can truthfully say that I know I have been dearly loved. The value of that isn’t lost on me.

One must learn to receive love before one has it to give. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us”. He makes that first step towards us. I am convinced that most believers are not fully aware of the love of God. Because of experience, imperfect examples and our inborn fallen nature, sonship doesn't come natural to us. We may have been taught that God loves us our entire lives (how many of us sang in Sunday School, "Jesus loves me, this I know"?) and we may know it in our heads, but sadly few of us are truly settled, confident, secure and resting in that love. For many, it hasn’t made it to our hearts and consequently much of our soul wanders in uncertainty and much of our obedience is wrongly motivated. If we know we are loved and we love in return, we’ll WANT to obey. I don’t lose any sleep in insecurity over Keith's love. I don't bless my husband because I HAVE to out of fear, obligation or in order to earn his love, for I already know he loves me. But I rest and I bless him because he loves me and because I love him. Its just a natural outflow of being loved.

It is all about RELATIONSHIP.

No one will argue that the Great Commission to "...go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matt.28)" is high on the priority list in the Kingdom. And the Church has built many a program on how to accomplish this worthy goal. But truly- the Great Commission is meant to be preceded by another greater priority in the Kingdom- The Greatest Commandment.

Matthew 22 :37 "Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Relationship!

So much in the natural is a pattern for the supernatural. When the Bible talks about a husband and wife’s relationship, it often says “and he KNEW his wife and they begat…” Just as relationship/ intimacy precedes and produces natural children, likewise, true spiritual fruit can only come out of a love relationship with our God. In the spiritual also- intimacy/relationship/knowing precedes fruitfulness.

Jesus said it this way-

Matthew 7:21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

He never KNEW them. There was no relationship. It was just religion. Even though they DID great things… and in His name too- HE didn't know them!

There are different levels of 'knowing'. Keith was in the Navy for 20 years and he worked for the President of the United States. He knew the President. He knew his name, recognized his face. He followed his orders and gave orders under his authority and with his approval. But had the President passed Keith on the street he'd not have known his name. Keith knew the President, but the President didn't 'know' Keith.

I know many people- Acqaintances whose name I know. Although I don't know them very well, on some level I can say, yes, I 'know' them. And I also have several close friends whom I know well; and family members also, and they in turn 'know' me. But I don't know anyone like I 'know' Keith. There is a level of 'knowing' there that is on a whole different level. We are one.

Jesus longed for that oneness, that unity, and He prayed for you and me in John 17. He said,

20"...I pray also for those who will believe in Me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. 22I have given them the glory that You gave me, that they may be one as We are one: 23I in them and You in Me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that You sent Me and have loved them even as You have loved Me...25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know You, I know You, and they know that You have sent Me. 26I have made You known to them, and will continue to make You known in order that the love You have for Me may be in them and that I Myself may be in them."

Our God wants to know us, for He truly LOVES us! Do we really believe that? How many of our problems and doubts and fears would be swept away if we truly BELIEVED this! How much more would the Kingdom be advanced and the Great Commission fulfilled if we first, KNEW Him and KNEW that love that motivates us with love to go after the lost. Not in order to earn His love, but because we KNOW we are loved and want to please our Daddy and to be like Him. If only more of His children truly believed. Forgive us Lord and help us to overcome our unbelief!

The very foundation of the Gospel is love. Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

But obviously not everyone has this revelation as clear as some. This is why Paul prayed for the Ephesians this way:
Eph. 3:14 "For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "

So Lord reveal Your love to us in a fresh, personal way. May we truly KNOW it in our heart of hearts. At the very core of our being and may we be planted settled and motived by Your love. We already believe with our minds. May we believe with our hearts and deepen in our relationship with You and produce beautiful fruit that will last for Your Kingdom and Your purpose and Your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

God bless. Kayla

Big Dogs

2009-06-16T20:57:00.023-05:00

2 Cor. 10:4"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."

I have two dogs- a German Shepherd (Zeke) and an Akita (Lucca). The other day I had Zeke's head in my lap. I started examining him. He's probably about 80 pounds, not the biggest German Shepherd I've seen but he's quite a large animal to have sprawled across my lap. He is about chin level to the kitchen table. If we ever decided to let him join us for supper, he could easily eat out of a plate without much effort.

His teeth remind me of the wolf rug my Papaw used to have hanging over his bed. Papaw was a trapper back in the 1950's and 60's. He'd trapped a huge timber wolf and had had the taxidermist make him into a rug (like the bearskin rugs you see in old Westerns). I always wondered why my grandparents had separate bedrooms... thinking about that wolf, I think now I understand why! A dead animal in the bedroom was probably where Mamaw drew the line. It wouldn't seem to me to be condusive to rest, plus the decorating factor alone... ugh!! But as a child, I was fascinated with it. I attempted to take many a nap in that bed while staring wide-eyed over my head at the fixed snarling mouth of that poor glass-eyed wolf. Those teeth were like something out of a horror movie. But looking into Zeke's mouth, I thought- his massive teeth look so like Papaw's wolf. Long, sharp, scary and created with the capability of breaking the necks and tearing into the flesh of prey. He is big enough, and his teeth strong and sharp enough to seriously harm a human if he were threatened... People usually hesitate when approaching a German Shepherd. Probably some of that is due to movies and how they are portrayed as Police and guard dogs. And with good reason. Their intelligence, strength and bravery are legendary. They are a dominant species of dog. They appear intimidating.

However..... somehow...... Zeke doesn't realize that. He doesn't understand that he looks intimidating and that he is....a big dog. He has no revelation that his jaws could easily defend himself and could even break the hand that feeds him. He is the gentlest dog I've ever known. One stands more of a chance of being attacked and mauled by a hamster than by Zeke. All he uses those teeth for is to eat and to tear up empty water bottles in the back yard. He doesn't know what he's capable of. The other day, Keith took him to the vet. As they sat in the waiting room a lady came in with a Chihuahua.... This Chihuahua didn't realize what it was NOT capable of. It didn't know that it was NOT a big dog. It proceeded to rush at Zeke, barking and snarling. With the Chihuahua being about the size of Zeke's head, Keith was obviously concerned for the foolish little fellow. He needn't have been.... Zeke ducked under Keith's chair and remained there, hiding and wishing the vet would hurry up and rescue him from the dangerous threat of Fifi... Keith was embarrassed.

Lucca, on the other hand KNOWS she's an Akita. Akitas are another dominant breed, known for their guard dog skills that can appear intimidating. And I pity the Chihuahua who would try to snarl at her. She's gentle and sweet to PEOPLE, but would have no mercy on smaller prey, or if her family was threatened. She walks with a confident air. She doesn't get anxious or nervous...She's at peace. She knows she's a big dog.

How many of us are like Zeke? We don't know what we are capable of in Christ! We are German Shepherds who think we are as capable of defending ourselves as hamsters. As Nick Callaway put it this past Sunday-we view our capabilities in warfare as if we were going into a gunfight with a Popsicle stick (haha).

Pastor has been preaching on spiritual warfare the past several Sundays. Then lo and behold Nick also speaks on it. Obviously the Lord is trying to get our attention. We, who are children of the Most High God are equipped with everything we need in Him to face our enemy, but we walk in unbelief and fear.

We have many God-given weapons, in our aresenal. One of our biggest weapons in overcoming the enemy is- surrender!

James 4:6 "But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:“ God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” 7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. 9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."

So many times I've looked hard at the "Resist the devil" part and quickly skimmed over the "submit to God" part. But they are inseparable. We cannot resist the devil without first surrendering to God. The enemy is a legalist... He cannot take what we have not given him. When we truly surrender, we have moved off the throne and God has taken His rightful place as Lord of our life. Where God is enthroned, the enemy cannot hang around for long.

But the weapons of our warfare are mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. There is power and authority in a "not my will but Yours be done".

Prayer and fasting are also powerful weapons... Fasting combined with prayer is like throwing a nuclear bomb at our mountains... (Matt. 17:21)

The Word of God is our sword (Eph 6:17). Jesus used it against the enemy. (Matt 4).. Our Father is not a man that He should lie (1 Sam 15:29). Men will break their promises- they are promise breakers. But our God is the Promise Maker! We can take His promises to the bank. We can stand confidently on God's promises and use them as an effective weapon against the enemy. declaring"It is written!"

Praise and worship are powerful weapons- How many times in God's word did He rout Israel's enemies, when they worshipped their God, played their instruments, with the singers out front marching into battle (2Chron 20, Judges 7:19-22) Or what about Paul and Silas in the jail, singing praises to God at midnight. He brought an earthquake and set them free ( Acts 16:25-26). God is enthroned on the praises of His people (Ps 22:3). Again- when God is enthroned, the enemy can't hang around for long.

One of satan's most effective weapons against us is unbelief. He can't take our salvation, but he can sure get us so in doubt and confusion that we don't access God's available, powerful, rich promises. We could have an oil well on our property but live in poverty if we don't BELIEVE that it is there and take advantage of it. When will we believe God and His word? His promises are for us, today! Faith is a POWERFUL weapon. For without faith it is impossible to please Him (Heb 11). As believers, we have the 'mind of Christ' (1Cor 2:16). God is alive and He lives inside of us. That same Uncreated God who created EVERYTHING... including our little planet earth, that is like the size of a dust particle compared to this vast universe which He holds in His hand... He is INSIDE of us (1 Cor 6:19)... And we are In Him. (Eph 2) Wow!

So for those of us, feeling like a hamster facing a snarling Chihuahua.... let's see ourselves as one of the 'big dogs'... :) Not crazy about the dog analogy?. Well, how about seeing yourself as a dearly loved child believing in and protected by his big and strong, loving Daddy... 'Don't mess with my kid!' Those of us who are parents understand that! Lets run to Him, believe in Him, trust Him and stand confident against our Goliaths, not in our own strength, but in the all-powerful name of our Lord, our Daddy!

Have a great week, all you mighty warriors, dearly loved, protected and equipped by your Papa God!

KHJ

Semi-blogging

2009-05-08T22:49:00.005-05:00

Got a lovely new laptop... Will be blogging soon I promise. Life has been crazy busy although I can't even tell you why exactly if you were to ask... Lots of life just being lived- kids to parent, Kingdom to advance, dog hair to sweep, jobs to do, things to learn... I'll try to sit down and tell about it soon (except for the dog hair part).

I've made more cool Facebook connections that just bless and amaze me daily. Its like a perpetual ongoing reunion... daily delving deep into my personal history, stirring up memories and emotions... Its been very rewarding for the most part although sometimes disappointing...

One thing going on is that Keith's happier than I have seen him in a long time. God has done something in him... Not in a way like- oh thank God, finally! ;). Keith's never stopped being a Godly man and awesome husband and father, but something life-changing has happened to him. It must be how it was when Moses came out after being with the Lord with his face glowing... Although he already was MOSES, who spoke to God like a friend, when his countenance changed, they knew that he had gone to another level... something special had happened between he and God. Keith has really experienced a deep down foundational change and it is obvious. I asked him what it was... when did it happen? He said, he doesn't exactly know. But he just really TRUSTS Him... He has just really let go, laid it all down... I've just never seen him happier. I am longing for where he is... I've had things on my mind; decisions to make, relationships to heal, things I need to understand... I've not yet found my way to that same place of peace that he's walking in...but I am still encouraged... for I know since we are 'one' that I'm headed that way. He's my 'head' so I'm bound to follow close behind... :)

Anyhow, its late and i'm tired but I wanted to blog something... More to come! :) God bless! Kayla

Mortally Wounded Laptop

2009-04-01T21:32:00.005-05:00

Its hard to remain a faithful blogger when your computer is wacked... My poor old laptop. It already was slowly in decline. Seemed like every few weeks something else wouldn't work. First the CD drive stopped, then the files got corrupted and Outlook quit working, then Microsoft Word, then Excel... Its final illness was the image viewing just... quit. When I'd go to any website, where you would normally see pictures, there'd be a tiny box with an x. But that wasn't enough, I had to finish it off royally. For some reason since before Christmas, we've not been able to be wireless...(don't ask, I don't know why). We'd have to plug it into the router... well I was distracted the other day and I plugged it in as usual... but I did it upside down! I tried to pull the plug out but it just would not come... I didn't want to look as stupid as I felt so I wanted to get it out asap. So I pulled, and pulled and pulled... Well, it came out alright but now it has mortal internal damage.. I'm sure all of these combined things can be fixed but for the amount it would probably take to fix it, I can probably get a new one. So we are on the hunt for a good deal on a new laptop. Let me know if you hear any good deals...

I'll be back to blogging once I'm up and running again... Until then

God bless!

Homer Memories

2009-03-13T22:54:00.026-05:00

First Grade. I am on the 2nd row first desk (sporting the lovely brown specs). Charlene is on the next to last row, 4th desk.

Charlene's birthday party. Me (with the glasses again). Charlene in the pink shirt. Cute!

The Rebel Review! Our 1st grade class getting our groove on as 20s flapper girls. I thought I was so hot in my green fringed mini-dress and headband. Charlene, all the way to the right, was bringing down the house sporting her smokin' red ensemble...

Hey there... sorry its been a while since my last blog... Blame it on work, children, an entire family catching the flu... excuses, excuses... :)

I have to say this facebook venture is getting more interesting every day! I've wondered at times- is it a distraction? Is it a God thing? As long as I'm not neglecting my family or my quiet time, I tend to vote on it being a God thing. I cannot tell you how many more friends I have found! And some of the conversations I've had have been amazing! Like the old friend of ours from our partying days who shared how he had been addicted to cocaine for 20+ years, how Jesus delivered him, restored his marriage and family and now he's a living testimony to the rest of our old crowd. Precious!

My most recent and greatest facebook blessing has been the recent re-discovery of my oldest friend Charlene Smith (Killgore now)! Don't get me wrong- SHE'S not old :)... (actually I'm older than her), I've just known her longer than anyone to date! We were kindergarten friends! Maybe even before that! But she found me on facebook! I still can't believe it! It brings back so many memories

I can remember pretty far back... I was born here in Baton Rouge when my dad was going to grad school at LSU (I don't remember that however), but we soon moved to Homer (not Houma) Louisiana in the northern part of the state when I was a toddler. My earliest memories were of going to church- First Baptist of Homer. I remember the Coke machine downstairs- the OLD type that held glass bottles. After putting in your coins, you opened the skinny glass door and the bottles were each in a hole. It took quite a bit of strength (for me anyway) to pull those suckers out. (I usually had to request the help of an adult). After popping off the metal top with the machine's bottle opener one was privileged to enjoy the coldest, most delicious beverage found in any church in America. When it was consumed, the empty bottles were deposited in a rack besides the machine. I realize that I am dating myself but does anybody else remember those old Coke machines? And why on earth did First Baptist Church of Homer have one?

I also remember at 8 years old, getting baptized at First Baptist (this memory comes in a close second to the Coke machine). Each year I lived in rapt anticipation of the annual showing of The Wizard of Oz on one of our three TV channels. And wouldn't you know-the night of my baptism was the date the obviously heathen station programmer chose to schedule it. I was torn- for about five seconds and my dilemma was quickly solved by my unmoving parents who never could see the significance of Dorothy's quest as compared to my following the Lord in the waters of baptism. Afterwards, I swore up and down (nobody ever believed me) that our elderly pastor wore pantyhose when he baptized me. It must have been some sort of wet suit or something but my childish mind was quite convinced he'd been shopping in the women's lingerie department of Homer's Morgan and Lindsey department store. I'm sure it distracted from my spiritual experience. (But don't worry- I got baptized again years later in a swimming pool in Hawaii. The pastor was properly clothed this time, and I was properly focused.)

Earlier than that I also remember my mom going to work when I was about three. We stayed with some poor old woman who had a nursery school in her house (God bless her soul). One of my very earliest memories is during naptime, sneaking int0 her closet with scissors and cutting a hole in the woman's dress. At least I was creative. I cut it in the shape of a crescent moon. I'm pretty sure my time at her nursery school was short-lived. I'll have to ask Cathy for her name. I'd find her and repent but she was nearly a hundred years old back when I was three... I doubt she's a hundred plrsyhfft now... Probably enjoying her eternal rewards for putting up with the likes of me...

And I remember my friends. I was such a tomboy that most of my friends were boys. I lived in the trees, the lake or in the ditch... My next door neighbor Greg was my constant companion. But finally the sad day arrived when we had start school and Greg and I parted ways... He went to Homer Elementary and I went to Claiborne Academy. In kindergarten Mrs.Moss was my teacher. I don't remember a whole lot of learning there like the kindergartners of today but I do remember a lot of finger painting and climbing on the giant red shoe in the classroom. I guess it was modeled after the nursery rhyme 'The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe". But whatever it was, somewhere near that shoe Charlene and I began a sweet childhood friendship. She wasn't a doll player or bow wearer like the other silly girls in our class. Charlene had brothers, dogs and cows... it was a friendship made in heaven... She was my very best friend and we enjoyed many hours of good wholesome outdoor play. But when at 9 years old, my family decided to leave Homer for the 'greener pastures' of Ruston, we were heartbroken. Later, I returned to Homer to visit Charlene one summer. We slept in the hayloft and fed the calves and listened to Tanya Tucker on her built-into-the-wall radio (Charlene was high-tech for her time) and I was in heaven with my oldest bestest friend again. But despite our friendship, I guess life moved on for both of us and we sadly went our separate ways. Except for one brief meeting in high school, I never heard from her again..........until this past week!!! Yep- facebook again!

It has been awesome to reconnect with Charlene. You'd think after all this time we'd have nothing to talk about but we have had a blast writing lengthy messages catching up on 30 years of life since we last saw one another. She grew up to be a precious woman. She is the manager of a lab. She went to pharmacy school and graduated in toxoligy (I can't even spell it! :). My old friend Charlene is a scientist! She loves Jesus, is a tremendous mother and a loving wife. I am so happy to have found her again. Or rather- to have been found by her again...

You know it just goes to show you-nothing is wasted in the life of a believer! I have no doubt that now that Charlene and I have reconnected, we'll not lose each other again. Even from our barely remembered past, God was working and planning and setting in place things for our future in Him. It comforts me and warms me to think of His exacting, detailed involvement in our lives. He really cares about what is important to us. Yes our God is big, but He is also intimate. How I love Him! And oh how He loves us!

So much of my growing in God has been through His untangling me from my past, of His helping me face and be healed of past regrettable relationships and memories. But isn't it so like Him, to bless me, just for the sheer joy of it, by bringing back into my life one of the purest relationships of my early years when life was simple and uncomplicated? How precious that the wholesome friendship of two innocent little girls was purposed in the mind of God and was observed and enjoyed by heaven. Isn't that sweet? To quote my dad, it just 'warms the cockles of my heart'. (And by the way Dad- what are cockles?)

Anyhow, as soon as I find some, I'm going to try to figure out how to scan and post some old photos of my Homer era and me and Charlene... Stay tuned!

Be blessed! Kayla

Rejection, Belonging, Light and such

2009-02-06T19:16:00.010-06:00

I just now told a friend whom I was IMing that I felt a blog coming on... :)

But which of the dozen or so things churning in my head do I blog about? Do I tell the dreams I've been having? Do I tell the revelation about rejection and shame? Do I share about the new song I wrote and why I wrote it?

I'll hold off on the dreams for now... Not time to share that yet.

But since the rejection/shame issue is pretty fresh, I'll go there. I have struggled with rejection for quite some time, I'd say most of my life. It's not something I feel non-stop 24/7. But when it hits me, its like a wrecking ball to the gut; sometimes out of the blue, surprising me. I've learned to recognize it instantly. I no longer have to ask myself- "what am I feeling just now?" If its rejection- I know! I heard someone say once that 'perceived' rejection hurts just the same as real rejection. I'm not sure if thats entirely true but I'm inclined to agree. Whatever it is, it hurts worse to me than anything I've personally experienced. The closer the relationship, the more the pain. But I think when it has become a stronghold, the enemy can yank your chain at the slightest hint of rejection from anyone. Because at it's core, rejection hits at our worth and our sense of belonging. I've seen people be rejected and I knew it was for their own good. To be 'accepted' would have been to get on the wrong path, or with the wrong person or group. But even knowing that, why does it still bring pain? We may KNOW that being rejected is direction or protection for us, but why does it still hurt? Again- there's a lie operating that our worth has been tested and has been found wanting.

Well, lately, rejection (or perceived rejection- not sure which) has been cropping up a lot in my life. I'll think I'm making progress then, wham- another wrecking ball... Whether or not this is an attack from the enemy, I don't know, but I do know that the Lord is allowing it. Why? Well I hope for several reasons- one being -me not being allowed to bury my head in the sand but being forced to deal with rejection face on and finally, once and for all, overcoming it.

If this is going to make sense I'm going to have to back up. I want to be honest here. I haven't always walked with God. I'm sure many of us have pasts we regret. I'm no exception and that's where the shame issue comes in. With this facebook venture I'm on, more emotions than I've felt I could handle have been stirred up. Its been a huge blessing to reconnect with these precious old friends, don't get me wrong. I am so blessed to see old faces again and to see where they are now. But there have been many reminders of my past that I can't get away from. Some of it painful and regrettable.

Just today something I read on facebook came up that left me feeling rejected. I had been excluded from something with people from a particular season of my life. Honestly, I'd have not even considered being a part of it, but as silly as it may sound, I felt hurt and those old painful feelings of rejection came to call. The wrecking ball was back. As I was texting a friend about it, I said this- "I know I don't belong there, but it still hurts." Then, it was like- wait! Hold on a minute- I don't belong there. I do not belong there. I don't belong there! And it was like a light came on in my head. It was like the Lord telling me- "Kayla you are not identified with that season. You are identified with Me!" Wow. The revelation hit me that I am a new creation! I am in a new season. Old things are passed away. I do not belong in that old season. So, of course! Its not rejection, its a revelation- I do not belong! And thats good! I belong with HIM. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am washed in the blood. My past is gone. I do not belong to it. No wonder I was excluded! But I do belong in HIM. In His presence. His family. His Kingdom. Hallelujah!

Now, don't get me wrong- I am not saying I am any better than anyone from my past These are precious people whom I love dearly. But I am no longer identified with that season. Just one word from Jesus is all we need to have light and truth and freedom. Praise God! Even when I've missed the mark as recently as yesterday, I'm not defined by that. I'm not identified with it. Even if others try to identify me with my failures, Jesus doesn't. He paid it all. Oh how I love Him. So as simple a revelation as that may seem, it is monumental to me. Its been one of those truths I did know in part, but now I know in a deeper place.

Which brings me to my song. For a while, I've been asking the Lord to shine His light into every part of me... As I've seen people fall, who once knew God, its become clear that there were unsurrendered areas of darkness in their heart that were never dealt with. I've been crying out- Lord, deal with me (and above is an example of how He has been, praise God!) But I've seen how even small areas of darkness, if not surrendered, can grow to where the light eventually is extinguished and darkness is all that remains.

The scripture the Lord has led me to is Psalm 86:11 "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."

When Israel sinned, the Lord compared them to a adulterous wife. What causes adultery? A divided heart! An area where there isn't wholehearted commitment to the spouse. An area of darkness that eventually divides and conquers. In my alarm at my former brothers and sisters who are no longer walking in the Light, I have prayed this. And the Lord has been revealing my own areas of darkness, compromise, rationalization... Its caused me to be desperate for His light and truth even more.

Proverbs 4: 18 says "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. 19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble."

Pastor had a word recently about us giving God our whole heart. I thought of my dreams with the secret rooms. This has led me on a quest for my whole heart in the Light of God... And this led me to this song. I wrote it Sunday (while the family watched the Super Bowl :) On a whim, I practiced with the band Tuesday night, not expecting it to be ready to sing. They picked up on it immediately and seemed to embrace the message and spirit of the song. We sang it at altar call Wednesday night. I am singing it Sunday morning. The impact Wednesday night was powerful. I believe it is a song for this season (where I DO belong :) Here are the lyrics.

Face To The Son
Sovereign Lord, hear my prayer
From this earth, turn my eyes
Holy God, lift my head
To behold love's pure light

Sovereign Lord, hear my cry
Come and turn my eyes from me
Holy God, lift my head
Til Your face is all I see

(Chorus)
Your brightness like the noonday sun
The darkness flees, the shadows run
You're breaking through, oh brilliant One
Our hearts alive when glory comes

We turn our face to the Son (repeat)

Nothing hidden from Your gaze
Piercing to the deepest part
Relentless love come have Your way
Break us open, fill our hearts

(Bridge)
Glory glory send Your glory
Glory glory send Your glory

God bless. Kayla

Scotland...

2009-01-26T20:25:00.045-06:00

Us at Dunnottar Castle 1992

Have you ever had something out of the blue come up, again and again. Perhaps it was something you haven't thought of in a while and something reminds you of it... then a little later, something else does.... And finally you start to wonder... God? Is this You? And why?

Lately, the Lord has been bringing Scotland back to me... And the resurrection of those memories is causing some deep, serious reflection.... During the years 1991-1994, we lived in Scotland. The movies don't exaggerate it's scenic beauty- the purple heather on the mountains, the sheep in the valleys, the breathtaking vistas, the wild North Sea, the rugged untamed Highlands. The village shops are like something out of Dickens. The people are truly remarkable. But above all of that, it was the place we met the Lord. It was the place where for the first time, church wasn't just a building or an obligation, but a living, thriving community. A family. When you are an American overseas there is a bond that takes place among believers of such depth as is uncommon in most environments. And God brought us to a Scottish church with a Scottish pastor but the congregation consisted of several American families from the base. We really integrated with our Scottish brothers and sisters. We shared their culture. They shared ours. We made life-long friends. The fellowship we had was something I'd only dreamed of. It was that sense of belonging I'd always longed for. It certainly wasn't perfect. But God protected us as young believers and we were blissfully unaware of any problems. We just loved and were loved... And God met us there.

Scotland is our spiritual homeland. Its where we were baptized in the Holy Spirit. Its where Keith learned to preach and I learned to sing and play. Its where our children first learned the word of God and where we discovered worship music. I was thrust into worship leading in our homegroup when our leader was transferred. I had been learning guitar for only a few weeks. I was terrified and I'm sure our home group was as well- haha. But somehow we made it. This group of people was unique. We were all pretty much at the same place- all green in the faith. All in our mid to late twenties with young children and hungry for the Lord. I have vivid memories of these precious families, holding their babies while we held ours, worshipping the Lord together. Holidays were spent together, so many hours laughing, praying, debating Scripture... it was a life-changing season for us. Seeds were sown deep in us that stayed and have become a permanent part of our foundation. I cannot hear the bagpipes or see pictures of Scotland without longing in my heart. I was heartbroken when we left. I wanted to stay. I really did... When the church disbanded not long after, I realized we had probably moved at the right time... but I left a big piece of my heart there... And a big piece of Scotland stayed with me.

We left Scotland the day after discovering I was pregnant. When Hannah and Joseph lament that they are the only ones in our family who haven't been to Scotland, I just smile... they were there, they just don't remember! :) But life moved on... The longing faded as our lives became busier... but recently, Scotland has begun reappearing in my life again. I see things that remind me of Scotland. I find pictures in random places. Memories pop up out of nowhere. About a week ago, for no reason, I googled Scotland images and downloaded some beautiful scenery pictures... I just stared and stared. How could I have forgotten the beauty? How could we have not kept in touch with all of those precious people who represent that significant time in our lives. We have kept in touch with some families but sadly we lost touch with most.

So lately, with Scotland on my mind, I have been Facebooking... alot! And I have found almost everybody! And my emotions have been working overtime!

There is something about an isolated period of time in your life. We didn't remain there to watch their children grow up and to see the changes... So everyone has stayed cemented in my mind just as we left them.... Same age, same hairstyles (Poor guys, it was the 90's- haha!), same family life, same walk with God... Since the shock of discovering them all again, I've been trying to sort through my conflicting emotions... Amazment at how the children have grown and how our looks have changed... elation at having finally found these people who were so tied to our beginnings in Christ. Alarmed at how the last 15 years have moved by so fast and how we have indeed gotten older! Thankful to see so many still serving Christ. Saddened and surprised at those who aren't. Sobered as I look at how our choices have affected our paths, our children and will affect the generations to come and their eternity. Confused, wondering how brothers in Christ, so close, sharing the same dreams for their families and with the same fervent hunger for God, walking side by side, learning together, fellowshipping deeply- could gradually drift apart, eventually going down two vastly opposing paths and ending up at totally different destinations... Realizing that it could have been us I am reminded of the scripture that warns to "take heed lest you fall". I just want to fall on my face before God and say- "thank You, thank You, thank You, for keeping us"... but then I also want to ask- "why God? Why them? Why? Why not us?" I don't know... and I am surprised at the depth of grief that I am feeling because of the path some have taken... So I pray. That's all I know to do. I cried on the way to work this morning praying for them....

Despite having the same beginnings and seeing the results of the different paths we've each taken, brings me to something I have been chewing on for some time...

After Christmas a group of us went to the Onething conference in Kansas City... The emphasis this year was the End Times and how God is raising up a Forerunner generation, radical, set apart to usher in His second coming like John the Baptist did for His first coming. Burning and shining lights in this generation. The urgency of the hour is hitting me like a sledgehammer. The futility of the things that have taken so much of my time and virtue and have occupied my thoughts and dreams is sinking in... Jesus will soon return to this planet earth! We have one shot at this thing called life. What on earth are we playing at? Where is the urgency? Where is the purpose? Life's purpose is not just for me to be happy and to be comfortable and to have my way... There is another Kingdom, and its not this temporary earthly one. He is coming back to rule and reign on this earth. ON THIS EARTH! Here! The word of God is clear that according to what we do with what He has given us, will we be rewarded in the Kingdom to come. He will actually say, "Well done so and so, I give you this city to rule. So and so, you were faithful even more, I will give you this country to rule". (the word is clear on this) I am just floored with the dawning realization that what we do today has consequences not just here, but in the hereafter, for ETERNITY! Each choice affects the paths of those around us, possibly for eternity. How are our choices affecting our future generations? As the days get closer to His return, the generations to come will need to have a rock solid foundation to build on... our choices today are the bricks of that foundation! Our children are our most precious gift... have we chosen wisely and secured that spiritual beachhead for them and the following generations? Or have we chosen selfishly and left them uncovered, alone to break their own path... Many do. Many of us were the first in our families to do just that. I believe there is a special reward for those who, against all odds, forged ahead despite having no spiritual heritage left to light their way. They ARE the forgers, the ground breakers, ground takers of their generation's heritage!. But I want to leave a legacy of faith to my children that they can build on for their children. My prayer has become. "Lord may each of our generations, until Your return to this earth, serve you more fervently and love you more wholeheartedly than we did! May the passion for You increase with every generation!" Because the days are getting more and more wicked, they will need it more. Being set apart for them will have greater consequences than it had for us. Are we really preparing them? We and our children have been born into this current culture and generation, at such a time as this, by God's wisdom and foreknowledge. I am honored and terrified at that thought... I want to follow, and for our children to follow, the unique path He has chosen for us in this generation... To truly entrust them to God and to not, in fear, overprotect them, projecting our fear onto them, causing them to not be bold and fearless, prepared or relevant in this generation- the generation that they've been born into and destined to be victorious in.

With the perspective of time, looking back at where we and this precious group of people began our journey together during a unique season in our lives, and suddenly rediscovering them and where they are now, is just...overwhelming and thought provoking. It makes me ask- "What will we find when we look back another 15 years from now? Where will we all be then? Will it be where You want us to be Lord?"! This recent stunning revelation of the swift passage of time has caused me to reflect on my life, my present, my future. It has shaken me up and has once again awakened me to my desperate need for Him TODAY.

But despite this sadness and bittersweet nostalgia, God has brought Scotland back into my life again for some reason. And I will pray for my Spiritual homeland and the Church there... and I hope, in the millinium, when all is finally set right, when He is reigning and He graciously allows us to reign with Him, that I'll be found faithful enough to maybe have my own little village to rule.... in Scotland :).

Dream...

2009-01-20T17:11:00.002-06:00

I had a dream last night. It may have been that I ate supper too late or something but I just wanted to throw this out there if anyone wants to take a stab at interpreting it...

I dreamed that we were hiding in an apartment like we were Jews in Nazi Germany.... My children were little. They even looked Jewish... We were talking and then the children hushed me and pointed to the door... I opened the door to the hallway and there under the door was some sort of listening device indicating that we were being spied on. I don't know what we were talking about but obviously it was something that would incriminate us. I told the children to write me notes instead of talking... Then Keith appeared on the balcony, having climbed up to avoid detection. He wanted me to come out and see something (away from prying eyes and ears). There were some people on the next balcony trying to get us to invest in some water product... It was obvoius that water was scarce. It flavored the water to make it taste like lemonaide (weird I know). I asked if it purified the water, and they said "no, just disguises the taste". I said, "no, I don't want anything to do with that". Then Keith handed me a box that had been secretly given to him. It looked like a box of matches but I thought- "I bet its a secret radio, so we can listen to reports".... but when I opened it up, out popped a Jewish menorah blazing away. We were thrilled and said, "Praise Jesus" which made the people around us ask, "Why are you praising Jesus? I thought you were Jews?" We just smiled and I woke up. Weird huh?

Bloglessness

2008-12-12T18:47:00.017-06:00

Hey all... I have not been a faithful blogger of late. I apologize. But I don't promise that this one will be worth the wait either. I tend to blog whenever I have news, or have come through something and have some sort of revelation that I wish to share. Well, I have neither at the moment nor have I for quite some time... hence my bloglessness....

Bloglessness... hmmm... I like that....
I think I'll send that one in to Webster and see what they think. :^)

Well, the only news of sorts that I have is that I am working now, after years of being a stay-at-home mom. Its only part time, three days a week, but I love it! I'm working at Hosanna First Assembly, in the bookkeeping department, helping Madeleine Felps, the best person in the world to work for. Everyone should work for Madeleine if they get a chance... On second thought... you can forget that or else I'd have to quit my job... and that's not happening anytime soon, so sorry...just dream on! :). But its great to work in a Christian environment with people I truly love. I realize that thats not the norm for most people and I am extremely thankful. But it has made what time I have, more elusive. So... bloglessness.

Also, I am going through something I don't quite understand... Usually I blog when having come out on the other side of it, when I have revelation that I think people can relate to, or that I think might encourage someone. Or I blog for people who care for me and want to know where I've been. I tend to think no one wants to hear where I currently am when I don't know myself. So here's more excuses for bloglessness because I'm smack dab in the middle of something that I don't think I can quite express yet. I haven't gotten to the other end of it and have no words of wisdom, no victory yet to share... Yet I blog to you today not in reflection of the storm, but in the midst of it.

Suffice it to say, I've been hit with some difficult stuff, of similar nature, but from different directions, all in a short period of time. That usually indicates to me that something is up. I wonder- is this the devil? Is it God? Is it just me? I think the answer to that is- yes. It is all of the above. Now, the enemy being the opportunist that he is assaults me and stirs the pot regularly. My flesh has at times risen up in defense or sunk low in despair. But my God, always in control, never wastes anything. So I'm not sure what this is but I do believe that God is using this to shine a light into my heart and to reveal things still not healed, still not free... It just seems to be all at once. Every time I turn around- bam, there the pain is again- but from a totally different source.

And this pain, long ignored... can be ignored no more...

I've lived long enough to recognize that we humans, almost every time, will choose to live with pain rather than to face and deal with it's source.

Years ago I had two telling dreams that lately have come back to my mind.

In the first dream- I discovered a secret room in my house. I was so excited. It had been there all along and I hadn't known it. I found that it was full of valuable things of the type that I personally enjoy- beautiful antique furniture, rugs, vintage collectables, paintings. But as I gazed around this room of treasures in delight, I then was shocked to discover, lying on the bed was an Egyptian mummy in a casket. I was horrified. As a child, I'd read how when explorers discovered the tombs of the ancient Pharoahs, those who discovered the treasure were then cursed in some way for the rest of their life. Several died tragic deaths soon after. In my dream, I became afraid. The room that had previously seemed like a blessing now seemed to be a curse. I remember thinking "I don't want to deal with the mummy... It is too creepy. Plus it will be too heavy for me...". So I quickly backed out of the room, boarded it up and lived in my house like before, with an unclaimed treasure, and a fear, right behind the walls.

Later I had another dream exactly like it. A secret room discovered in my house. I was again delighted to find another treasure trove of antiques. But like before, something else was in the room. This time, instead of a mummy, there was a cage of rats. I remember thinking that I did not want to have to remove them. They were dirty and they frightened me. I thought, "If I leave them there and close the room up, they'll just die and I won't have to deal with removing them"... but I remember thinking- "yes, but then they will stink up the entire house".. But sadly I made the same decision to leave the treasure... and the rats, behind the wall. I closed them up and lived in my house as before. Knowing that behind my wall, was treasure... but also knowing that I'd have to deal with the rats to claim it.

I guess I reasoned both times, that the treasure wasn't worth the fear of dealing with the pain. Now I'm discovering, I'm not so sure.

I remember before I had my hysterectomy, I lived in constant pain for years in order to not face the pain of surgery. It's really amazing what you will learn to live with in order to avoid what it will take to "fix" that pain. For a long while, I coped pretty well. But my pain would not go away. It just got worse. It finally got so bad that I couldn't live with it anymore. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't adjust my limited life around it anymore. It had finally taken over to the point that my entire life's focus had become dealing with the pain. I finally had to get desperate and pain-ridden enough to make a decision, once and for all, to rid myself of the source of my pain. And that required surgery. But after my surgery, in a moment, the source of my pain was gone. Yes I had to endure more pain from the surgery. But it was pain with purpose. A clean wound that would heal during my season of recovery. But in the end, the source of my pain was gone. And I haven't hurt anymore since...

Had the pain not gotten so bad... I'd have not pursued surgery... I'd not have said- enough is enough. I want to be whole!

As much as we all hate pain... if we did not have it, we'd not know when there is a problem. It draws our attention to whatever is limiting and hindering our health, our life, our purpose. I want to be pain free... but not just for me. The devil probably would have sought to take us out years ago if he didn't think that our remaining in pain on this earth would affect those around us and take them down with us. I want to be painfree for lots of reasons, but not just for my own comfort. I want to fulfill His purpose in creating me to live on this planet at this chosen time. But most important, I don't want to negatively affect the purpose and fruitfulness of the following generations by not fulfilling my appointed purpose and not being whole enough to help them with theirs...

So that folks is where I am. I have a pain. It is familiar to me. I've learned to live around it. I've coped with it most of my life. But recently, I have been unable to ignore it. Situations have caused it to hurt worse. And I am coming to the conclusion that I don't think I want to live with this pain anymore. I want to be whole and free and fruitful. Should I chain myself to the prayer closet until God moves? I haven't gotten that desperate yet. But I am fast approaching it...

Hence my bloglessness of late...

But alas! I am blogless no more! :^)

God bless! Kayla

All-knowing God

2008-11-05T18:26:00.010-06:00

Last night as the results of the election were unmistakeable, I asked the Lord, "why?". It really looked like our prayers had been for nothing. Then. I was reminded of the fact that it looked to the world like evil had triumphed when Jesus was crucified... I'm sure there was revelry in hell that day... but BOY was the devil in for a surprise! Jesus rose from the grave and because of His death, He was able to take the keys of death away from the enemy. Now he's a defeated foe destined for the lake of fire. That wouldn't have happened without the "defeat" of the cross. God's ways are higher and His wisdom deeper. He sees the whole picture, layer upon layer.... we see only in part. He has a plan and a divine purpose. He knows best. He can be trusted. He raises one up and brings another down... but all for eternity's purpose. Just look at the history of Israel.

Still, this is a wakeup call for the church in America. The lines have been drawn. But this may be the church's finest hour. "But where sin increased, grace increased all the more" As the Body of Christ we have to be proactive and involved. We have to stand against evil and not hope somebody else will do it. There is nobody else. That's our job. Now perhaps this will cause us to finally realize that. Let us arise Church and trust our God and be the salt and light He intended us to be. Let's not despair. Lets pray for our leaders as God commanded!... God is still on His throne and we are still His children. That hasn't changed.... Lets now arise, take our place and do our job.

The Lord led me to this scripture last night...Its long but well worth the read... God bless. Kayla

Psalm 37
1 Don't worry about the wicked
or envy those who do wrong.
2 For like grass, they soon fade away.
Like spring flowers, they soon wither.
3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart's desires.
5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don't worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes. 8 Stop being angry!
Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
it only leads to harm.
9 For the wicked will be destroyed,
but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.
10 Soon the wicked will disappear.
Though you look for them, they will be gone.
11 The lowly will possess the land
and will live in peace and prosperity.
12 The wicked plot against the godly;
they snarl at them in defiance.
13 But the Lord just laughs,
for he sees their day of judgment coming.
14 The wicked draw their swords
and string their bows
to kill the poor and the oppressed,
to slaughter those who do right.
15 But their swords will stab their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 It is better to be godly and have little
than to be evil and rich.
17 For the strength of the wicked will be shattered,
but the Lord takes care of the godly.
18 Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent,
and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever.
19 They will not be disgraced in hard times;
even in famine they will have more than enough.
20 But the wicked will die.
The Lord's enemies are like flowers in a field—
they will disappear like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and never repay,
but the godly are generous givers.
22 Those the Lord blesses will possess the land,
but those he curses will die.
23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.
25 Once I was young, and now I am old.
Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned
or their children begging for bread.
26 The godly always give generous loans to others,
and their children are a blessing.
27 Turn from evil and do good,
and you will live in the land forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice,
and he will never abandon the godly. He will keep them safe forever,
but the children of the wicked will die.
29 The godly will possess the land
and will live there forever.
30 The godly offer good counsel;
they teach right from wrong.
31 They have made God's law their own,
so they will never slip from his path.
32 The wicked wait in ambush for the godly,
looking for an excuse to kill them.
33 But the Lord will not let the wicked succeed
or let the godly be condemned when they are put on trial.
34 Put your hope in the Lord.
Travel steadily along his path.
He will honor you by giving you the land.
You will see the wicked destroyed.
35 I have seen wicked and ruthless people
flourishing like a tree in its native soil.
36 But when I looked again, they were gone!
Though I searched for them, I could not find them!
37 Look at those who are honest and good,
for a wonderful future awaits those who love peace.
38 But the rebellious will be destroyed;
they have no future.
39 The Lord rescues the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them,
rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
and they find shelter in him

Help us God!

2008-11-01T20:35:00.012-05:00

I am watching The Call live in California right now. I am deeply moved. They are crying out "Help us God! Save the babies. Save the children. God help! God help!" They are praying for America. Here is the prayer they have been praying for four years....

"Jesus I plead Your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God end abortion and send revival to America".

May this become the cry of the Church in America until the Lord answers that prayer. Please friends. Pray and vote. God is Sovereign... but He doesn't violate our will. Israel asked for a king and it wasn't God's desire for them to have one.... but despite His warnings of what would happen if they got what they asked for, they persisted, and He allowed them to have their heart's desire.

In my naivety, I assumed Christians knew the issues and where the candidates stand on the issues. I assumed that Christians would vote. I have been shocked at how many Christians are saying they are not voting because they don't like either candidate. Brothers and sisters, this is not about personality, it is not about the economy, it is not about the war. It is about LIFE! The next President has the authority to appoint Supreme Court judges. This more than anything else will determine the fate of abortion in America. Regardless of personality or color, how can we as Christians even consider a candidate who would not only call a living baby a "choice", but who would vote three times against the ban on late-term abortion. This is infanticide. Where late term babies are killed AFTER they are born alive, then discarded like garbage with the soiled linens in the hospital trash. There is a spirit of deception and confusion over the CHURCH to not see the horror of this. Where is the Church's outrage? Please pray for the spirit of deception to be lifted off of the Church and for God to loose "light and truth" over the Body of Christ in America so that the Church's eyes would be opened and that the fog of confusion would be dispelled with God's light.

God promises that "If my people, (that's us Church) who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Even if we have never had an abortion or supported it, may we repent before God for our nation. God is righteous and sovereign. He is in control This is not a time to be afraid, but a time to war. Things in heaven have to move before things on this earth will move. So often we get it backwards. What is bound in heaven will be bound on earth. What is loosed in heaven will be loosed on earth. Let us storm heaven Church. We have His ear. He moves at the sound of our voice. He said that "the prayers of a righteous man availeth much". You may not feel righteous, but if you are a blood bought child of God, the Bible declares that "you are the righteousness of God in Christ." So fellow saint, let us cry out to our Father to have mercy on us and this nation and let us go out on Tuesday and be counted as the Church of Jesus Christ in America. May God's church arise on November 4th. God bless you all.

Gustav Lessons

2008-09-15T21:46:00.004-05:00

Stacey Neely sent me this. All of my fellow Gustav survivors will recognize and attest to the truths of this... I can laugh at this now... on my laptop...by my lamp... with my AC......ahhh!!! Thank you Lord! :^)

*No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

*Vienna sausages only appear on the food pyramid during hurricane season.

*Lovebugs do NOT disappear in 90 mph wind.

*Disasters can cancel one LSU Football game, but there will be even more casualties if we have to cancel two.

*Cats (and dogs) are even more irritating without power.

*Most popular text message after Sept. 1: Do u hve pwr?

*Coffee, Spaghetti, biscuits and frozen pizza can be made on a grill. (Yep- gives pizza a lovely smoky flavor!)

*Crickets and cicadas can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 30 generators!

*He who has the biggest generator wins!

Lucca

2008-08-25T22:01:00.008-05:00

Lucca and Zeke

Lucca "bringer of life"

Well, I've gone and done it.... I got a new dog. I said I would wait... I truly intended to... but I just couldn't help it...

Long story short- Last Saturday, Hannah and I were out shopping. She begged me to stop in Petland (or Petco, Petsmart... one of those). I reluctantly let her drag me in. We checked out all of the various pets and then were leaving when a young couple came in with the biggest, fluffliest, prettiest puppy I'd ever seen. I had to take a closer look... I should have known better... I found out that the puppy was a 6 month old female Akita. After talking to the couple a bit further I was informed that because of their apartment lease, they couldn't keep this beautiful creature. How much were they selling her for, (I had to ask).... She was free.... What was her name (I had to ask), it was Lucca. For some oddball reason I had intended on naming my next female dog LuLu. That did it. Lucca, LuLu... It seemed like a divine set-up. I tried to call Keith, he was working in the yard so I couldn't reach him... I hesitated for a moment then I made a monumental impulsive decision (unusual for me). I brought Lucca home with me, without Keith's knowledge. It hit me on the way home that we were leaving on vacation the following week. What was I thinking! When I got home I left Hannah and Lucca in the car to go assess how unhappy Keith was going to be. Then I had a stroke of genius. I approached him with a, "Honey, please don't kill me, " to which he exclaimed, 'What'd you do, wreck the car?" I happily informed him (to his relief), no I hadn't wrecked the car... but I HAD brought home a dog. I think he was so relieved about the car that he had mercy on me.

Since then we've had time to be glad about my impulsive decision. Lucca is the sweetest little (big) girl. She's obedient, she doesn't chew. She's housebroken.. (except for getting excited when she first sees you and wetting the floor... we're working on that one)... But she is a blessing. And she's beautiful... and she's BIG! Ya'll know how I LOVE big dogs. The bigger the better in my book. The children have been over the moon about Lucca. It's helped ease their pain over Zoe. (Although she will NEVER be replaced!)

So there you have it. The story of our newest family member. Also we looked up the name Lucca online and found out that it is Italian for "Bringer of Life". We'll take that. After the difficult season we've had, and with our moving into this new season, could this be a physical sign of a spiritual truth? That God is bringing us out of the old, comfort-zones and into something new and unexpected.... with a... suddenly!

And Zeke loves her too. Which is fortunate because Nutty is MIA. Lucca came just in time! God's time- not mine (or Keith's :^).

God bless. Kayla

Zeke's gone Nutty!

2008-08-02T01:04:00.012-05:00

Since Zoe's sad departure from this life this past Monday, Zeke has seemed lost and lonely. Without Zoe at his side, he hasn't bothered getting up to greet us all by himself at the door when we return. He hasn't been as playful or happy. The day after Zoe's death, I was trying to think of something that would cheer him up. While shopping at Target I ventured into the pet aisle and I found my answer... I knew Zeke had to have him. He cost more than the dog toys I usually get, but this one was made by the American Kennel Club so I hoped it had to be strong (we'll find out!). This new answer to Zeke's lonely problem came home with us and Zeke was immediately smitten. We named him Nutty. Of course Nutty the squirrel in no way replaces Zeke's best friend Zoe, but it has given him and us a little joy in our lives this week... Nutty squeaks. Zeke doesn't quite know what to make of that. He squeezes Nutty's tail between his teeth and seems surprised that Nutty cries out. At first this seemed to confuse Zeke. It's hilarious because he starts whining when Nutty squeaks... Like he's worried about him yet he can't help crushing him between his teeth! Now Zeke carries Nutty everywhere. He even insisted on taking him outside with him the other day. I was worried that Nutty would end up in the yard as an unrecognizable bit of mud covered fur like his other former "friends". But when Zeke was done with his business outside, he came scratching on the back door, proudly carrying Nutty in his mouth. He brings him in the chair with him and sits with him between his paws. Yesterday he came into my room looking anxious... He looked around the room, out the back door, in my closet, whining.... It broke my heart. "Are you looking for Zoe?" I asked. He heard Zoe's name and perked up... but then... he stumbled on Nutty... Then his tail started wagging... and he was frisky and happy again. So for now, Nutty is easing some of Zeke's pain... And Zeke's hilarious 'relationship' with Nutty is easing some of ours. And today when I returned home, there was Zeke, all by himself, dancing at the door to greet me! Yay! We're making progress. Here's a photo of Zeke and his new pal- Nutty.

God bless. Kayla

Zoe

2008-07-29T11:20:00.017-05:00

A happy Zoe.

Zoe and Zeke

Ten years ago, the kids and I moved back to Louisiana to be near family while Keith was deployed for a year to a small atoll in the Indian Ocean called Diego Garcia. It was a hard time for me and the children, who were missing their daddy. One fateful night we watched "Old Yellar"... a bad mistake if you have emotional children but it was to be one of the best decisions of my life. It made me want a yellar dog! After wiping my tears and grabbing the classifieds I saw an ad that said "yellow lab mix, free to good home" I promptly called. The next day, a most loyal friend entered our lives and forever changed us. We named her Zoe.

Her former owners had found her as a stray who had been hit by a car. They were moving to a new home that didn't allow dogs so they had to let her go. When they cried at releasing her to us, I knew then that we must have someone special on our hands. But not knowing yet if she would work out with my young children, I asked for a trial period with her. One morning a few days later, Max was in the yard playing... When I heard Zoe ferociously barking, I became concerned and rushed outside. I saw her hair standing up on end and she was barking at Max. I thought- this dog is vicious! She's Old Yellar at the END of the movie! I was about to rescue Max and send Zoe packing when Max said, "Mom, there's a snake!" Zoe was standing between Max and a 5 foot long water moccasin! As you can probably guess... She passed her trial. We kept her! And we never regretted it! Since that day, she patiently followed us wherever the Navy led us, eventually coming full circle to her birthplace in Louisiana when Keith retired.

Zoe was the sweetest, most loving, loyal dog you could ever meet. She was a beautiful yellow lab and retriever mix with the softest fur I've ever felt. And did she ever LOVE to be petted! Often laying her head in your lap to make sure you got the point. There was something especially comforting about burying your head in her fur and wrapping your arms around her wide frame. It was just plain "therapetic" to quote Barney Fife. She could fix those beautiful eyes on you and melt the coldest heart...

But this past Monday, July 28th, Zoe passed from this life, leaving our home and family with an empty place. We are all heartbroken and devasted.

Zoe loved everybody she met (except for the UPS man :^) and was a faithful protecter of our home. No wild animal was safe if they were unfortunate enough to venture into Zoe's domain....Possums, stray cats, snakes, coons... Years ago she had a legendary fight with an enormous raccoon. Needless to say... the raccoon lost.

She was full of personality. She is the only dog I ever saw who could actually smile. She usuallly did it when she had done something wrong. If we came home from church and Zoe was smiling, we knew she had gotten into the trash... It was her one vice. If one of us ever put on a baseball cap, Zoe would practically dance. In her mind, this meant she was going for a walk. Even after she got older and couldn't walk as far, the twins would thrill her soul by taking her down the sidewalk on her leash. She didn't ask for much and was easy to please.

Zeke (our German Shepherd) adored her. Zoe tolerated Zeke. He loved to wrestle with her. She usually won but that didn't stop him from trying. If Zeke heard Zoe go outside, he had to be with her. He is lost without her.

Zoe had been relatively healthy throughout her life. A couple of weeks before Haley's wedding I noticed that she seemed weak. She seemed to have trouble getting up and moving around. She was going on 13 years so we knew that she wouldn't be with us a whole lot longer. But I prayed she'd hang on until after the wedding. She seemed to get stronger and to be her old self for a while. Then Monday I noticed that her breathing was labored. I called Keith and he made her an appointment with the vet. She came and laid down in the hall, outside my bedroom door to be near all of us. Hannah and Joseph were concerned for her so Hannah went and got some anointing oil and put it on her head and was praying for her. Suddenly Zoe just looked up and laid her head down and then died. She was where she wanted to be- with the family she loved. She didn't have to be put down by a vet but she died in her favorite place, in her home, near her family. Keith immediately came home from work, so did Max and Haley and Josh rushed over... We all said our goodbyes. There were lots and lots of tears. We then took her out to Cathy and Bill's house in the country and wrapped her in her favorite blanket and buried her there. It was heartbreaking. But we know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose. I don't understand why this had to happen now, when so much is going on in our lives, but I do know that God is good and His ways are higher than our ways. I told the kids that she is waiting for us in our mansion in heaven. Probably getting hair all over the floor and terrorizing the possums... ;^).

Please pray for us, the children especially, they are inconsolable... They will be okay for a while, but then suddenly they will break down. We all do at times. It is very hard. The twins have had Zoe in their lives since they were two years old! We miss her terribly. There is a huge fluffy empty place in our home where Zoe used to be. We don't know how to function without her loving presence in our home. But we will learn.

Also pray for Zeke. He walks around looking for her and whining. She was his closest friend. She was a member of our family and a constant part of our lives for ten years. Our hearts are heavy but God is good.

We are thankful for many things. One being that Haley was still here when she passed on. Haley and Zoe had a special bond. For this to have happened after Haley was in St. Louis would have been very difficult for Haley to bear. Also we are thankful that she was at home with those she loved when she died. And we are thankful that she didn't suffer. Even up until the end, her eyes were peaceful.

Our hearts will heal, but we will NEVER forget our Zoe, aka- Zolene the Possum Queen, Zolanda, Zola Coyola, Zo-Zo or just plain Zo. She was almost human. Heck, she was BETTER than human. We humans could learn some things from dogs like Zoe. As Haley said so rightly, she loved Zoe more than many people she knew. Its because Zoe was ever patient, always loving, forgiving, protective, faithful, loyal, always there. Lord help us be more like that ourselves!

Please pray for us. For non-animal-loving people, it may seem hard to understand, but we are all truly grieving. I know that God will bring us through and it won't always hurt this bad, but until then, we'd appreciate your prayers. His grace IS sufficient!

God bless. Kayla

Wedding Pics

2008-07-18T20:19:00.033-05:00

A portrait of the bride

Another portrait

Wedding Day: Getting ready

Kent Henry, Josh and Devon

Here comes the bride!

Josh's face as he sees Haley.

Josh sings to his bride!

Max singing "Amazed"

The wedding.

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Ortego!

Hannah and Joseph

Bride and groom's first dance

Bride and Dad's dance.

Then Daddy gets his groove on...

And Daddy-in-law jumps in!

The bride and groom

The wedding party

The bride and groom's parents

Cutting the cake!

Off they go!

Here's some pics of the wedding I wanted to share. Various friends of Haley's posted these on their Myspace. We haven't gotten the photographers photos yet so we were excited to see these... Read my blog below for a blow by blow (probably more than you want to know!:^) of the wedding.... God bless. Kayla

The WEDDING!

2008-07-15T15:31:00.027-05:00

Joshua singing to his bride...

Warning: long blog ahead!

Whew.... I sit here typing and desperately needing a cup of coffee because I am still so tired. But I will try to gather my thoughts enough to somehow share my thoughts on "The Wedding". Okay, I convinced Hannah to make me a cup so I'm good... I have great kids.... sniff, sniff...

Weddings-some may ask... What's the big deal? Why spend so much time and money and ask for prayer for a ceremony that will last at the most, one hour? I suppose some are definitely overdone... but weddings ARE significant. The one I had the privilege of being heavily involved in this weekend was VERY significant. It is a milestone in the lives of the Johnson and Ortego families. Up there in importance with births and deaths. If you've ever studied covenant, you will see how alot of today's wedding traditions stem from the ancient covenant practices of the Bible. When someone "cut a covenant" with another, they became as one... I will protect you, you will protect me. They often exchanged a gift- a ring, a sword. They often took on each other's names. They became responsible for the other party. A drink from the same cup, a bite of the same food was shared... Covenant. It's what God cut with us beginning with Abraham and completed through the death of His Son on the cross. Except He alone can keep up His end of the bargain perfectly. His life for ours. And our lives belong to Him. He is responsible for us. He is faithful and trustworthy. And He has taught me this through this wedding process... Covenant has become real. Covenant is very significant, even today. And that is what I participated in this past weekend. The public celebration and authentification of a covenant made between a man and a woman- my precious daughter. Two lives becoming one, pledged to each other until death. I was so blessed to be intimately involved in every detail of this covenant celebration (although at times, I thought I might come out of this with a nervous tick as a souvenir...)

Anyway, until I became the "mother of the bride", I was fairly ignorant to the whole wedding process... Back last summer when they first got engaged, I was thinking, 'what's the big deal? We can pull this off without breaking a sweat'. Its amazing how easy things look in the dim future... As the future became the present, panic began to set in. So many details.... Details upon details. Details I never thought of before. Lists became my constant companion. I carried them everywhere. I say 'them', because I had many... Hannah's old math notebook contained most of them. Lists on receipts, Lists on lists.... Details woke me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.... "Oh what if I hadn't thought of that! What could have happened?" (As if my future grandchildren would be in jeopardy if we forgot serving spoons or ice!) This has been my life for the last several months, but in concentrated doses the last few weeks. We honestly could have never pulled this off without Beverly Ortego, Josh's mom. Poor thing. Usually the mother of the groom gets a bit of a break... Yes, there's the rehearsal dinner, but other than that, she could have technically, ethically, morally sat back and watched me chase my tail with a clear conscience... But no, she jumped in there with me and many times bailed me out. I owe her a lot... If you ever need a kidney or anything Bev, I'm your man! (although I'm a woman... but you catch my drift). With her experience in wedding planning, I was in good hands.

I made some discoveries through this wedding journey... I realized that I am extremely detail oriented. That may be obvious to those who know me, but I guess it wasn't to me. The details nearly were the death of me,. But the details got covered (although often occuring to me at 2 am), they got written down on one of my infernal lists and in the end, they got checked off! (Which is the most satisfying feeling for a OCD like myself).... I discovered that my daughter is very decisive and a confident leader. She knows what she wants and she has her Dad's (cough) stubbornness to not budge on her stand. It was exasperating at times, but in the end, she planned the most beautiful wedding any of us could have forseen. She never waffled on decisions but was confident and sure. I came to admire her strength and to not see her just as my little girl, but as a young woman who is a true leader... I discovered the generosity of the Body of Christ. I can not tell you how many people were involved helping with this wedding. People who didn't know us that well, but who said- I'll just take care of that, don't worry about it. People prepared food, served it, cleaned up. Wow... I discovered the type of friends we have. The Cutrones missed the wedding because they were seeing to it that the Coleman's had all of the help they needed for the reception. The Doucets and Will stayed after everyone had left to help with clean up and delivery back to the church. Stacey and Kirk drove all of the way from Kansas City to be there to help. My oldest friend Carole drove four hours by herself and her two girls to make sure she was there for me. Nicole Brown giving of her time to keep us organized. Scott and Russell straightening up the sanctuary the next morning. Margie getting me a pedicure the week before :^). As Proverbs says- "Many hands make light work". Too many servants to mention here, and I thank them all! I cannot tell you how much that meant to us. People prayed for us. They took this wedding on as their personal prayer project and prayed us through it. My sister and Mom certainly did that. I am in awe of God's grace and mercy and love delivered through human hands. I will be forever grateful..

Now all of these months of planning were leading up to this one moment. The week before I was nervous and busy. I knew that this was Haley's dream. To marry the man of her dreams in a meaningful, God-glorifying, beautiful ceremony with a fun reception. My mother's heart wanted it to be just like that for her. So I started my prayer list early on- My prayers went something like this: "Lord, let the ceremony be special, meaningful, may it be anointed. May You be glorified. May people be touched. Let Haley forever remember it. Let it be beautiful Lord and really represent them and who they are. Cushion mine and Keith's emotions Lord and help us to hold it together and somehow enjoy and cherish the ceremony. Lord, let Kent please wear a suit... (does Kent Henry, Mr. Aloha Shirt, even own one Lord?) Please let the ceremony flow with no problems. Let the reception be fun and let us have enough food! " I guess I made God a list too... He didn't seem to mind. Because He answered every single concern I had (even Kent-who married them- in a suit!). He answered well beyond our imaginations. Again- God teaching us about His covenant faithfulness to us and convicting us of our unbelief , all the while building faith in us...

After the craziness of the week before, we woke up Saturday to a tangible peace. We were being prayed for! Most of the bridesmaids and I got our hair fixed at the beauty shop that morning. We laughed and talked. It was a good way to kill time instead of nervously waiting... When we got to the church, the AC upstairs was not working well. I felt like my makeup was running down my face, but Haley was radiant. We had a small panic when Hannah's dress which had gotten wrinkled in the car would not iron out or steam out. Nothing worked. It just stubbornly resisted all of our attempts. I prayed and finally calmed down... the wrinkles never fell out while we were upstairs, but when she was standing there with the other bridesmaids at the altar, I noticed- no wrinkles. God is good! He really takes care of the details. Another lesson in not panicking but trusting!

I had been concerned because some people didn't get their invitations and others were on vacation... I thought- "poor Haley. Our church is pretty big and I was concerned that it would look empty since (I thought) not may people were going to be there. I didn't want Haley to be discouraged as she walked down the aisle. HA! I think every single person who was invited who lived in the Baton Rouge area (except for a few) were there (and many who weren't showed up!). I was shocked! The middle three rows of the church were completely filled. Another unfounded worry.... Another conviction of -"when will you trust? Haven't I proved faithful in every thing up till now?"

All too soon it was time to come downstairs to begin the ceremony. The time arrived when Josh, his best man Devon, and Kent to go to the front... But ... where was Kent? We looked and looked... Still don't know where he was, but finally, he just appeared. Thank God! Then the ceremony began...The grandparents went down first... I was so proud of our parents. They were all so so excited... they also were pretty good looking to be the grandparents of the bride and groom! I was thrilled for them to meet our friends and church family. They felt very much at home. Then it was my turn. Keith escorted me to the unity candle. And I couldn't work the lighter. Keith' was whispering- "Push that button there... No, push it the other way! NOW pull the trigger. Goood".

Right before Keith escorted me down, he said, "pray for me. I'm feeling very emotional". I said, "Lets try real hard to keep it together for her sake. She might get upset if we're crying". Somehow, we did.

First my Hannah and Joseph walked the aisle. They were precious. I was so proud of them. All grown up. Hannah with her hair fixed and Joseph in his tux. Then the rest of the wedding party... They all looked wonderful. Then it was time- I was to cue the congregation when to stand by standing first. They closed the doors after the last bridesmaid went down. I held my breath and waited a moment and then I stood... so did everyone else..........And there she was. My beautiful daughter. I wish I could have looked two places at once because I desperately wanted to see Josh's face when he first saw her... But I had to look at my baby girl. Her daddy was fighting to hold it together. She was magnificent. Poised, beautiful, full of joy! I finally looked at Josh. He was grinning from ear to ear!

Kent gave a prophetic word about the ministry they'd be going into. Mary and Max sang and the anointing was strong. The father's spoke a blessing over them. Josh sang a song he'd written for Haley... I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. They said their vows and Haley's little voice put a lump in our throats... but we maintained. They went to the Lord's table together and had communion, signifying in a tangible way, the covenant they were making. The part I was the most concerned about losing it was the video that I knew would be played, with pictures of them growing up, during which my son Max was to sing an anointed song about the love of God. I mean- how could we NOT lose it? But miraculously, we did not. I just sat there and thought- "God, look what You've done!" Precious memories of our little girl, now another man's wife, flooded our minds. But gratitude and pure joy filled our hearts... Look how God answered! She was in God's will- what we'd always desired for her. Then they walked down the opposite aisle as man and wife to the song "Canon Rock".. As they descended the stairs, violins and an orchestra played sedately, only to slowly build and merge into a rocking electric guitar solo. A perfect song reflecting Haley and Josh. Wish I would have thought of something like that for our wedding 25 years ago! People's expressions were priceless! lol

The reception was PACKED! My first thought was faith-filled (not!)- "oh my gosh how will we feed all of these people?" But again, the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness throughout. So I let it go. And I believe they were all fed. We did run out of punch, but I hadn't had that on my prayer list. One detail I missed I guess... But I believe it was the most fun reception I'd ever been too. I wasn't able to visit with everyone there much to my regret because of the massive number of people. But it was a blast. I even hit the dance floor... something I said I wouldn't do... Aretha just drew me there like a magnet. Just could NOT' sit still for "R-E-S-P-E-C-T".... Haley said to me, "Whats the world coming to. My mom's in a conga line!" haha. It was a blast... Then it was over. They ran to the car under a cloud of bubbles and were gone...

Now the house is quiet, the busyness has ground to a screeching halt and life goes on... On without Haley's voice heard every day in our house. On with her place empty at the table. Her brothers and sister just sat in her room the other day and tried to soak up her presence somehow. We all miss her. I may fall apart when she leaves for St. Louis in three weeks, but for now, God's grace sustains me. I am just grateful. When your children are in God's will, even if it takes them far away, you can't be completely miserable. And He has shown Himself so faithful and true. It may seem like a silly little thing to some, but He knew how important this wedding being beautiful was to me. Because it was important to my Haley. He truly does care for the details...As concerned as I was for Haley, He was for us as well. That parent love- we both understand.... My faith has grown... and so has my heart. Thank you all for praying. Now as Kent charged us, let's pray for the marriage. They have a good foundation and heritage. God's hand is on them. I am excited to see what He will do in and through them. Just wish I didn't have to watch it from a distance... sniff... but it's going to be okay... I cannot tell you how many people who attended this wedding said that it was the absolute most God-honoring, beautiful wedding they'd ever attended. God is just so good isn't He?!

I'm sure I'm not done with this subject... but this is long enough as it is... More to come... Stay tuned if I haven't detailed you to death.. :^)

God bless,

Kayla

Praise God!

2008-07-13T09:14:00.006-05:00

The wedding and reception were both perfect.... All of our prayers for it were answered- God was honored, the wedding was meaningful. God was there. The reception was fun. Haley was very satisfied by everything. She and Josh were happy... More on all of that later. But this morning, on The Advocate website I saw this headline below... This happened right down the street from The Woman's Club where the reception was held, probably 30 minutes after we, the last ones, left... So, 'fess up. Who did it! :^). Just kidding. But I must admit before I read the article and had only seen the headline that East Boulevard was involved, my first thought was- oh my goodness we burned the place down! Now, I know Keith and Jack's fancy footwork on the dancefloor was pretty hot, but come on....! :^) What do ya'll think? Maybe....
But all I can say is Thank God! They shut down Government Street during the fire. We'd probably have had to evacuate had it happened earlier in the evening. Wouldn't that have been awful?! I shudder to think! But God knew. He is good! He can be trusted! Wow! Praise God!

Fire destroys 2 buildings on Louisiana Ave.; damages 1 on East Blvd.
An off-duty East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s deputy driving south in Interstate I-110 spotted the start of a large fire Saturday night that totaled two homes on Louisiana Avenue, damaged another and injured one firefighter who was treated at the scene.
The sheriff’s deputy pulled off the Interstate and called firefighters at 10:21 p.m. to notify them of the blaze, Baton Rouge Fire Department spokesman Howard Ward said.
Firefighters arrived at 980 Louisiana Ave. after the fire had already spread to two other buildings and was endangering another.
A second alarm was called and about 50 firefighters were eventually on scene to battle the blaze, Ward said.
It took about 80 minutes before the fire was completely under control.
Two vacant homes at 974 and 980 Louisiana Ave. were flattened by the fire and an office occupied by real estate appraisers next door at 301 East Blvd. was heavily damaged in the fire.
Government Street was briefly closed while firefighters kept a 5-foot-wide hose stretched across the street to provide water for dousing the flames.
Fire investigators were on the scene trying to determine the cause of the blaze, but Ward said it could take more than one day to do so while they try to determine where the fire originated and what caused it.
One firefighter was injured and treated on scene from exposure to electrical wires.

In the home stretch

2008-07-10T18:10:00.002-05:00

Hey all,
Just a quick blog to ask for your prayers. As most of you know, Haley's wedding is in two days! We are all very excited and very busy. My heart is full and it is also heavy... This is a bittersweet time for us. Our first born is leaving the nest. Not only to just move out of our home, but to marry and move to St. Louis.... We know that this is God's will and plan for Haley and Josh and we rejoice with them. But please keep me and Keith and Haley's three siblings in prayer during this time. Also keep the Ortegos and their three other children in your prayers as well. Please pray that as we treasure each moment, that our sadness at the ending of one season won't overwhelm our joy at the beginning a new season. I know many have already been praying for us and many have blessed us in many ways- with prayers, with time, with service, with provision. We thank you all from the depths of our hearts. God has truly given us some of the most awesome people in our lives. Its times like these that you really see what is in the heart of your brothers and sisters. And we have seen wonderful things. We thank you. I plan to give a full report next week if I am not in a puddle on the ground Monday morning... :^) God bless you all. Kayla

Our Awesome TODAY God!

2008-06-10T13:08:00.004-05:00

This is adapted from an excerpt from Beth Moore's "Believing God". I turned it into a prayer and added some to it.

"Father, You are the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Joshua, David, Daniel, John the Baptist, Peter, James, John and Paul- and You are mine and my family's God. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. A God so holy, powerful and present that when You revealed yourself to Ezekiel, Daniel, Isaiah and John, they fell before You like dead men. (Daniel had to be revived and lay as sick for days afterwards, his body was so overwhelmed by Your powerful presence. You are truly awesome and frightening!) You are the magnificent One, full of splendor, beautiful beyond comprehension. You are The I Am That I AM through every generation (that means THIS ONE too!). Whoever You were, You still are! Whoever You were to these 'heroes' of the Bible, You are to me, to us! Help us to believe. Forgive our unbelief and increase our faith. Increase our knowledge of You. Help us to start taking You up on Your 'Godness'. When we have no idea what to believe You for in any given situation, may we believe You to be huge! Come Holy God and be Yourself! In our lives and in our circumstances. Come be God! Thank You for being our powerful God, yet for loving us so tenderly and personally. In Jesus name, Amen."

Bearing The Bearable...

2008-06-06T19:01:00.005-05:00

Ever felt like you've been a target of the 'accuser of the brethren'? (I refuse to capitalize his name!) I have felt like I've had a big red target on my back today and the "accuser" (let me see how small I can type it) has had me in his rifle's scope.

Usually if there's a question of blame, even if I was a million miles away from the incident, I will feel a twinge of guilt. If a policeman pulls up behind me in traffic, even if I'm below the speed limit, I start to get nervous and to feel guilty. So the enemy knows how to get me. As a child, I was very mischievous and mouthy and curious... I got into a lot of scrapes. I was truly often to 'blame'. But also, almost as often, I was not. However, it became a pattern in my life to be the scapegoat. As a 'mature' adult I've found that I carry that with me. I am hyper-sensitive to blame. Even in normal relational arguments that are bound to come, if blame is ever leveled at me (even if deserved), I usually cannot handle it. But God has been healing me of this and working in my heart... I'm not there yet but I am seeing improvement.

Today I was blamed for something that I was innocent of. Just to be able to say those words- "I was innocent" is a breakthrough for me. Where some people can never be wrong, (even when they are obviously so), I'm just the opposite. I almost jump up and volunteer to take the blame! But not today! God helped me. A distant relative got offended with me. They didn't "believe the best" of me as 1 Corinthians 13 says love does. This has been an unfortunate mainstay in my life (along with many good mainstays I must add). Not having people believe the best about me is a familiar event. I seem to invite it somehow. Not intentionally. I believe when there's a stronghold, there must be some sort of a spiritual flag we wear that invites further wounds and proofs of the lies built within. For example- a person who struggles with rejection seems to invite it and find themselves in situations of rejection... I feel that way with the "accuser of the brethren". He knows my name. He has my address. He is my frequent unwanted guest. But today when he came knocking, he got a door slammed in his face. Today I did not take the blame. Today, my conscience was clear as I calmly explained the situation to my accuser (we battle not against flesh and blood and I know who was behind my relative's accusations). My explanation was rejected. The relative was not seeking understanding. They were seeking to blame and accuse because of their own wounded heart. (Ever notice how people will project an old emotion on a new unrelated situation and form a false conclusion? Just an observation...) But today they were seeking to lay blame on me. But I did not bite the bait. Not today. Thankfully I was coming out of my quiet time in the presence of God when they called. He kept me focused and my words gracious yet uncompromsing. I am thankful. I was not manipulated. Praise God.

Sometimes you don't know that God has done something in your life until you face a situation and you surprise yourself. Or I should say, God in you, surprises you. I know that this battle isn't over. The battle isn't with a person, it is with the enemy of my soul. I love my relative and God gave me compassion. This one is very important to me. It grieves me to be misunderstood by them, but I also know that sometimes life isn't fair and we are blamed unjustly. Sometimes, you can have pure intentions and a clean heart and still be blamed. And sometimes theres not one thing you can do about it. This is where I'm learning to trust. To present my heart to God and to let Him take care of me and the situation. To not take matters in my own hands. To not try to 'fix' something that I did not cause. To not try to take the blame in order to get man's approval. To not let my past shame make me susceptible to manipulation and blame. For the first time in my life I can honestly say- I am being blamed, yet my conscience is clear. I pray for the relative to have illumination and to let God deal with their heart. I love them dearly, but I will not take what is not mine to carry. I have done that my entire life. God is teaching me to give it to Him.

One of my favorite verses:
Matt. 11:28"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

The cloak of shame/blame is heavy. It's like a lead vest put on us by the 'accuser' of our souls. But thank God, we are not meant to bear it. We take on so much that's not ours to take on. I'm seeing that in so many areas of my life and relationships. We do have responsibility, but how much or our burnout and stress is caused by taking on burdens not meant for us to bear? Or for still carrying shame that's already under the blood... There's grace to bear what IS ours to bear. Jesus promises that His burden is easy. It is not unbearable. Accusation, shame, blame, sin- these are unbearable.

Ever feel overwhelmed? Are you bearing something you're not intended by God to bear? I believe the scripture about taking up our cross and following Him means something different for each one of us. My "cross" and yours will both mean sacrifice and self-death, but it's application will be specific to me and to you... BUT it is bearable for me. My cross, my yoke may be unbearable for you. And yours may be unbearable for me. But our own yoke is custom fit for each of us. Let's ask God to show us what we are meant to bear and not bear what isn't ours. For people pleasers like me it may mean sayinig, "no" or learning to confront, or not bearing the blame of something that isn't mine to bear. Yours will be different, but whatever it is, it will be bearable, and we'll share the burden with the One who loves us more tenderly than the most loving human we know. He really can be trusted folks. "Oh taste and see that the Lord IS good!"

God bless. Kayla

My Random Ramblings....

2008-05-11T20:59:00.019-05:00

Happy Mother's Day!
Just wanted to wish all of the Moms out there a Happy Mother's Day. Also, I am sorry I've not posted anything in a long time. It's a very busy season in our lives with Haley's impending wedding... So I probably won't be doing a lot of blogging until after July. However, stay tuned and I might surprise ya'll (and myself)...

But while I'm here- a quick update... I've been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study every Thursday morning called "Believing God" which is seriously changing my life. I didn't realize how little I believed. It's not a condemning revelation but an encouragment. I am beginning to believe God for things I never have dared to before. It's exciting and kind of scary!

We just returned from our hometown for Keith's mom's birthday and also for Mother's Day. We left there this morning so part of the day could be spent here in Baton Rouge at our home... It was overall a nice visit, but I felt emotional. Have been fighting the tears all weekend long and I'm not sure why. Probably a combination of: realizing this is my last Mother's Day with Haley, feeling sorry for myself having to spend most of Mother's Day on the road (yeah, I know, I'm a big baby), hormones, watching "Father of The Bride" (dumb move when you're hormonal and sentimental), trying to lose weight to fit into my mother-of-the-bride dress but really craving cake, and just feeling hit with all of the changes life brings and wanting things to stay the same. Sigh.

About that- Keith's parents just moved into a brand new house they built in a new subdivision. They've only been in it a few short weeks. There's only two houses inhabited in the subdivision right now and lots of construction and empty dirt lots. But their charming little house sits in the middle of the vacant construction site on an island of green with blooming landscaping. For as long as I can remember, they have lived in the same white house on the outskirts of our hometown, on a tree covered hill. The house was built over 30 years ago, so it's a bit dated and not with the most fluid floor plan (houses of that era were very compartmentalized; not open and airy like houses are built today). But it's been really hard for us to accept their move to town. I'm a country girl so I just can't understand why anyone would choose to leave the homey, privacy of a tree covered hill for an impersonal subdivision. But I think our reservations run deeper. Perhaps our unreasonably strong feelings are because of Keith's years in the Navy. There was something special about leaving a foreign duty station and heading to that particular rural address that represented to us that four letter word "home". We moved every three years. We knew when we arrived at a new duty station to hold everything loosely- don't get too attached or put your roots down too deep. Despite this, we made some lasting friendships and got plugged into some incredible churches during each short three year duty station. But we always knew at each place, that our time was short. Not everyone understands this lifestyle, but it was normal for us and our children for 20 years. It probably has a lot to do with why we are so close as a family. I'm thankful for it and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But despite the many blessings of this life we led, I'm now realizing that we lacked something that most people take for granted- a permanent geographical location called... "home". We made the most of it and home became where we were, but when people asked- "where's home for you?" We never hesitated to point to that white house on Farmerville Highway as the place where we belonged.... When I first heard they were thinking of moving, something like panic hit me. I thought- what are they thinking? They can't do this to us! Selfish- I know.

Now that Keith is retired, we live only four hours away from our old hometown. Keith's parents and siblings live there and so does my Dad and stepmom. Keith has many great memories of our hometown. I don't have as many. It was, for me. during my regret-filled younger years, the geographical location of where I experienced my deepest wounds, worst bondages and furthermost strayings. God's done a lot in me, but often, this place has been a painful reminder of what was, and yet also a gratitude-filled reminder of what IS. (praise God!) Yet despite my frequent lack of warm fuzzies about our hometown, it's more often than not, the place we run to. I was actually surprised at my strong negative reaction to their moving from the white house. Why should I care? But I reasoned- Where would the kids play? It was grandchild paradise, with trees to climb, forts to build, and woods to explore... There were so many good memories of our children there. They too, had called it "home". What would they do now? But it's done. The white house is still in the family and it's been beautifully remodeled... but it's not home anymore. Plus our kids are getting older and are now more interested in Xbox than treehouses. So I suppose it makes some sort of sense. And the new house is beautiful- open and tastefully decorated. It sits on a small lot- no woods to explore or trees to climb, the house is smaller than the white house, yet it is laid out well so it doesn't seem crowded... But it is very nice. And most important- Grandmom and Grandad are there. They are so happy and proud of it. They are getting older and didn't want to have to keep up the older house and huge yard. I do understand that. We come only a few times a year and they live there every day. So they ought to know more than me, where they are better off living. But I admit, it just seems weird... However, life moves on. I guess I'm just not one of those who handles it's changes that well. But in this unstable life, it's just been nice while it lasted, to have had that one little place on earth where time seemed to stand still. But it'd be selfish for me to want sameness for my own temporal security, sentimentality and comfort and to deny them this joy. I guess I'll sort it out and move on as I always do. But bottom line- this leads me back to my Bible study on faith- where does my security lie? In a white house on a hill and all it represents? Does my security lie in people who change, leave or die? Or does it lie in my immoveable God who never changes or leaves? He is truly that one secure unchanging place to run to. There is no other.

I guess maybe normally it wouldn't be such a big deal except that so much in my life is about to change and I'm desperately clinging to all sense of sameness- My firstborn is about to leave our nest forever when she gets married in about 8 weeks. She can't wait and I completely understand this. It's right and the way life progresses. Seems like yesterday that I remember her crying in her room, worried that in so many years she'd be twenty and she never wanted to grow up. :^) Life comes at you fast, doesn't it? My sister keeps telling me 'Kayla, it hasn't hit you yet that she's getting married." She's right. Maybe these little emotional bursts I am having are like a smoldering volcano letting off little spurts of steam to relieve the pressure before it blows. Heavens I hope not! I don't want to blow! Especially during the wedding! (I can see you all at the wedding, staring at me worriedly whispering- Is she about to blow? Should we clear the church exits? :^) Heaven knows, this is taking enough planning and finances... I don't want to wig out on her special day (pray that I don't, please!!!!!!!!) I have no clue how I'll handle the big reveal... When I finally "get it" that... Haley's not here anymore... Stay tuned. Your guess is as good as mine when it will hit me and how I'll handle it! Keep me in prayer. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before.... So I have no blueprint to follow. But I know change is part of the circle of life. I have got to stop desiring the wheel to halt and stay at a certain place. That's not normal or healthy. I have to afford her the same pleasure that I was given when I left home, became a wife, a mother, and an adult (still working on that last one).To deny her these joys would be wrong... and selfish. Hmmm. There that word is again! Selfish... There's more to this that I need to explore.

Okay, so this ended up not being the quick update I envisioned afterall! I guess I needed to vent. Perhaps this will help some of the steam escape and keep this volcano 'dormant' and not 'active'. Whatever works!

If anybody still checks this thing, I'm sure you were tired of seeing Oprah's blurry face from my last blog....Hope this helped wipe that image from your mind.

I'm not sure when I'll blog again... but since this was so "therapetic" (to quote Barney Fife) I may do this again soon.... Anyway, once more- Happy Mother's Day and let me hear from you... God bless. And thanks for listening! Kayla

Flood of Delusion

2008-03-30T14:14:00.002-05:00

Sadly, probably as many Christians watch Oprah as non believers... we need to pray for her and her viewers! However the Bible talked about this sort of thing concerning the end times. Don't be caught up in the flood of delusion that is coming upon the earth. This is just the beginning. But those who stand firm to the end, will be saved! God bless. (And thanks Angela for sending me this!)

Matthew 24 says
3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"
4Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. 5For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,[a]' and will deceive many. 6You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8All these are the beginning of birth pains.

, 11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come

24For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible. 25 See, I have told you ahead of time.

Do We Know What We're Asking?

2008-03-14T15:09:00.000-05:00

I listened to a teaching CD today that I've had in my car for a while but have never listened to before. I was deeply stirred in my heart. I want to keep my heart stirred and for this to not be an isolated incident. I want to meditate on this thought for a long time and for this seed to not be temporary, eaten by the birds, choked by the weeds or burned by the sun... I want it to go deep into fresh, fertile soil and to take firm root in my heart.

This is what is stirring in my heart. A question that I am having to ask myself-- Do I really mean what I am asking of the Lord? Do I even KNOW what I'm asking Him?

For example: I say- "Lord I want to be like Jesus! Make me like Jesus!"

Okay- Let's take a look at Jesus.... He, the second person of the Godhead, left His enormous throne, seated at God's right hand, surrounded by thousands upon thousands of powerful angels- to become a helpless baby... Not able to take care of Himself, dependent on His mother to be fed and His earthly father to protect Him... He emptied Himself out and made Himself of no reputation. He was continually misunderstood and rejected and overlooked and eventually killed. How often, in our quest to be like Jesus do we say- "Hey, I really really want to be misunderstood. I REALLY dream of being of no reputation. Wow, that'd be so cool!" I don't think many of us do. God does put a desire in us to be great... but in our quest to be great, how many of us focus that pursuit on this 70 year or so span on planet earth and not on eternity-greatness in the Kingdom? What does that entail? Here's a clue-

Mark 10: 31 "But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

We cry out to be fruitful-"Lord, make me fruitful! I want to raise the dead! (to glorify Your name of course!) I want to preach and the multitudes rush to the altar (and I'll be real humble Lord on the platform while I'm doing it- I promise Lord!). Yes Lord, that's what I truly desire. Make me fruitful!"

Do we know what we're asking? Do we know what Jesus said needed to happen in order for us to become fruitful?

John 12: 24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
25"He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal."

So when opportunity comes along to die to self, to be unoffendable even when we've been Christians a long time and have seen so much, have been disappointed so many times- do we embrace that death? (I'm talking to myself here and not liking my answers) As Derek Loux said (in the CD I was listening to), death hurts! Even if we realize that we need to die, and we recognize that we're in an intense season of dying to self, that realization doesn't keep it from hurting. He said, "if someone starts stabbing you, you don't say-'Hey. I'm being stabbed! Okay, I'm aware of what's happening. That's cool. Because I'm aware, it doesn't hurt as much." No way! Ouch! It HURTS! Being aware makes us know better how to talk to God about it, but it still hurts!

But it has purpose... Jesus had to die to be resurrected into abundant, victorious LIFE! Wow! We get that too! But first, we have to die!

But all this death would be depressing if it wasn't for the love of God. Why would we die, just to die, for Someone unless we loved them and gained so much in doing so? It's the revelation of His love and Him laying down His life for us, that motivates us to lay down our life for Him. It's the abundant Life of that glorious Person named Jesus that results from the laying down of our lives that makes it all worth it.

If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you've heard all of this before...taking up our cross, dying to self, etc. We probably all have this truth tucked in the back of our minds, ready to pull out at any given moment, but I am realizing more and more that I've not truly "gotten" this. It's forming in my heart and I pray as I said earlier that this seed goes deep. But this is our purpose and journey on this earth. This is a daily choice. The world is so in us, even as Christians, even the church, that somehow we're still doing a whole lot of "saving" and not a whole lot of "losing" of our lives (although we may find a spiritual sounding justification for it). We say the right things, we know the scriptures. But until our sojourn in this earth suit is over and we step into eternity, this is to be our life- daily taking up our cross. It is not just an idea or a nice concept- it's the reality of the normal Christian life. There's no way around it for ANY of us! We can't dance around this truth, touching on it here and there when we find it convenient...! We cannot avoid this door of death.

I'm not trying to get into condemnation, but sometimes I have these illuminating moments of revelation where I really see how high the mark truly is- and I see how much I have just "settled" for less and grown comfortable there. In those moments I realize that I have to say to the Lord- "Jesus, if I'm honest, I guess I really don't want to be like You after all! Please help me to be willing. Please reveal Your love more so I can."

Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

I have not really ever suffered like some have. And I admit that I'm not itching to... (are any of us?) But I do believe (as a song I heard says) that this is "...an inside outside, upside down Kingdom where you lose to gain and you die to live." I want to, not just live, but to really LIVE! As Paul said, "to live is Christ, and to die is gain". He is our Life! Oh and what life He is too!!! Look closely at these lyrics.

SERVANT OF ALL by Misty Edwards
"...Show me how to go lower.
For in the depths I will find You
While I am serving my brother.
I want to be with You where You are.
I want to be with You where You are.
I want to be with You where You are
You're the Servant of all.

I am in love with a King who became a slave.
I'm in love with a God who is humble.

You've got to go down if you want to go up.
You've got to go lower,
If you want to go higher and higher.
You've gotta hide and do it in secret
If you want to be seen by God.

It's the inside outside upside down Kingdom.
Where you lose to gain, and You die to live.
It's an inside outside upside down Kingdom
Where you lose to gain and you die to live."

Lord, reveal Your great love for us, that caused You to come to earth to die for us. Root us and ground us in that love and make us willing to be willing to die in order to live! You are Life! You are everything we need. The glories of Your presence and Your fellowship compare to nothing created. Remind us of the priceless value of this eternal, imperishable seed that we carry in these temporary earthen vessels. Why do we so often value and try to save what is perishable and ignore and neglect what is eternal? Open our eyes! Wake us up to reality! Jesus- You are everything! Nothing else matters but You! Remind us. Help us to fall in love with You again. And may we ask, knowing full well what we are asking- Make us like Jesus! For there alone is LIFE. Amen.

That's all for now. Until next time. God bless ya'll! Kayla

Whose Measuring Stick?

2008-01-29T11:37:00.000-06:00

Here's something simple that the Lord put on my heart the other day...

Whose measuring stick are you measuring yourself with?

Are we measuring ourself (and others) with the world's measuring stick, or with God's measuring stick, according to His word?

So often we tend to look at our lives and feel like failures... Or I suppose some people might look at their lives and feel like a success... But the question rolling around in my head is... What is God's definition of success? What is God's definition of failure?

Even as Christians, I believe we have too often adopted a worldly perspective and even have allowed it into the Church... You have the Christian "celebrities" who grace the covers of Christian magazines, some deservedly so, but what does God think? How does He view this? I am not going to pretend to have the inside track on this, but it does cause me to look at what (and who) I tend to admire and to question it...

I think when we get to heaven, we're going to be in for some surprises... I read this in the New Living Translation this morning....

In Matthew 19:30 Jesus says about the Kingdom of God...

"But many who seem to be important now will be the least important then , and those who are considered least here will be the greatest then."

When this life is history and eternity is now, how many big name ministers devoid of their bodyguards and entourage will be seated at the lowest place, while seated at the seat of honor will be the little old lady who sat in the back of the church, who received no fanfare when she entered the house of God, who prayed diligently for that big name minister and for the people of God and who served faithfully behind the scenes, where no one saw........but Him. Which of our works will be considered wood, hay and stubble and will be burned up... and what will be considered gold? I believe the wood, hay and stubble vs. the gold, silver and precious stones represent the heart's motive behind the works.

Again- the world's measuring stick vs. God's measuring stick...

But on the other side of this same coin- How does our heavenly Father view us? What does His word say? We may not have much of what the world values... money, prestige, fame- but are we known in heaven? And in hell?

When the seven sons of Sceva were casting out demons "in the name of Jesus whom Paul preaches", the demons answered "Jesus, we know and Paul we know about, but who are you?!" and then promptly proceeded to jump on them and give them a good thrashing... (I always felt sorry for these poor dudes)... I digress....But Paul was known! In heaven AND in hell! Whoa! He was not a rich man, or a movie star, but he was great in God's sight! How are we viewed in heaven? I have to remind myself constantly... man's vote doesn't count in heaven... Only God's does! And guess what? He LOVES us and sent His Son to die for us. We are valuable enough to Him to warrant the precious blood of His Son!

As I was reading in Exodus for the hundredth time, the account of Moses being called, I saw something I'd never seen before... Moses obviously knew he was called... Although he'd been raised as a man of privilege in Pharaoh's own house, somehow he knew he was meant to deliver the children of Israel. But he went out on his own to try to help his fellow Israelites... When he saw one of the Hebrews being beaten by an Egyptian, he killed the Egyptian... The next day he saw two Hebrews fighting and he tried to correct his fellow Hebrews... but their response to him was, "Who do you think you are?" and they proceeded to tell him that they knew about him killing the Egyptian and then Pharoah found out and yada yada yada, he fled to Midian where he hid out for 40 years, watching another man's sheep... A far cry from the favored prince of Egypt! Very humbling. In the world's eyes he looked like a failure. In his own eyes he viewed himself as a failure because when the Lord called to him from the burning bush... guess what his response was? It was the same basic questioning of his value that was used on him years before by his unappreciative kinsmen- He said, "Who am I Lord to appear before Pharoah?" Later after the Lord finally convinced him to go to Pharoah and he reluctantly came before him to present his request, guess what Pharoah's initial response to him was? "Who do you think you are?" Moses' fellow Israelites, himself and Pharoah all measured him with one measuring stick... but God measured him with another...

"Who do you think you are Moses?" Wow. So it's not just us whom the enemy torments year after year with the same lies! We are in good company! But thank God we don't have to be limited and hindered by the enemy's lies about our worth and the true measurement of who we are!

Obviously God's measurement of Moses was different than man's... For later on it says that God thought of Moses as His friend and spoke to him face to face!

When Gideon was threshing wheat in the basement for fear of the Midianites, the angel of the Lord greeted him this way,“Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!.. Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!”” To which Gideon replied,“how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” Again- the Lord obviously used a different stick...

God chose David, the youngest of his brothers, whom his father didn't bother to mention when asked by Samuel about his sons. God made the clear distinction that He measured differently than man...

And the Bible is full of such examples...

So how are we measuring our life and ourselves? Whose measuring stick are we using?

The Bible says for us to find out what pleases God. If we do, we will find it to be far different from what pleases the world... One look at the broken lives mocked in the entertainment section of the news, will show us the legacy of those pursuing the wrong system... A measurement system that may seem right for a while, but in the end will come up short in eternity!

I for one want to use the right measuring stick!

God bless! Kayla